Hello. I am new here, but posted my first post in another forum, but figured I should also introduce myself in the newcombers section.
I married my high school sweetheart at 18, he joined the Army, and we spent the first year apart. Over the next nine years- we have survived 2 back to back Iraq deployments, 1 Korea tour, multiple moves across the country, and him having night terrors, post traumatic stress disorder and traumatic brain injury from his IED blast. Our current challenge, is one I fear we may not be able to overcome.
My husband's work came crashing down about last November. He had been accepted to the Army Physician's Assistant Program, was doing great- but one morning, he lost everything-- when he woke up in the middle of a night terror, leading to a panic attack, that led to a seizure, and his military career was put on hold. He would be sent home to spend hours at home, he discoonected from friends and family and started spending a lot of money. The holidays is really a time when my work at a military non profit for combat wounded soldiers picked up, and my husband felt neglected. In mid December he made his first dating profile, after Christmas he went on his first date, and on Jan 2nd, 2012- I found out my worst nightmare, my husband was having an affair. This day, D Day, also happened to be our 9 year wedding anniversary, and the day he moved out to live with the other woman.
The past 5 months have been an excrustiating roller coaster. I lost 40 lbs in 3 months, I power housed through my degree and finished my bachelors degree and am starting my pre-reqs for another degree in January. I spent several moments crying in the shower, or sleeping away the pain. My friends and family didn't understand, told me to leave and not talk to him, but I am a strong believer in R.
Oddly enough, I became the other woman, the mistress in my own marriage. He would sneak to come see me, when the other woman was at work, tell her I wasn't apart of his life, but call me several times a day and make sure to see me everyday. He said he just needed time to separate from her, that he wanted to do it on his terms. Now I know, he is probably typica cake eater.
Four weeks ago, the OW decided it was time to come to our house- and my H begged me to leave. He was doing the one thing I asked him not to , not take away my sanctuary, my turtle shell the one place I could be myself. I didn't leave. He knocked on the door, I walked right past him and got in the car and talked to her face to face. I told her this is my house, my babies (2 doggies) are in there, and if you go inside you will take the only thing I have left away, because every room I will think did you kiss here, or whatever here-- she looks at me, and says "What do you think was going to eventually happen?"-- I replied, as long as my name is on the house deed, and for now papers have not been filed, you are not welcome here." She kicked him out that day, and he returned hom to sleep in the other room and needed time and space. It only took 2 days for the other woman to beg him to return, and as much as he tried to hide it, I knew it was the same game, just a different board.
I am doing the 180 and reading the Divorce Remedy for the second time. He doesn't want to talk about the relationship, says he doesn't know what he wants, and I am torn on either continuing the 180 or the last resort or just simply loving him.
I don't know where to go from here.. but wanted to share my story...
