I was talking to a friend who suggested that I start a thread regarding relationships with your children while divorcing/separating. My D will be 16 at end of this year. When at home she only comes out of her room to eat and use the bathroom. Since she became a teenager she usually gives me the yes, no, I don't know answer. This friend suggested that I talk to her at her level or discuss things that are importatnt and interesting to her.
A couple of weeks ago I asked my about a bubble on the screen of my Iphone. She was super helpful and interested and we talked about removing the film from the screen and getting new ones. So we kinda connected there. Last Saturday I bought an Adele cd. It also came with a DVD. I realized it yesrteday while trying to play it with my CD player and wouldn't work . So I TM D and told her I had a DVD for her. She was super exited since she loves Adele.
My question is how to get her to do things with me as she usually turns me down. I also need to come up with a visitation schedule with a teenage girl. In my state they take into consideration what the teeanger wants. I asked for 50/50 custody but was given a confusing answer. Will know more July 19th.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Rick.......Iv'e been reading you stich from the beginning.
" Oh my " 14 is such a hard age for a girl ( or boy ) If i think way back to that age which would have been in the early 70's LOL....
Re-read the your second paragraph...great stuff...U have to approach teen age girls carefully...Let her lead the way for things to do together...Let her think that an activity is her idea...
I know that U 2 cook and do new recipes together...start there ?
A teenage girl... wear a Team Edward shirt. : ) nah.....just screwing with ya.
hrnmm...
Quote:
My question is how to get her to do things with me as she usually turns me down.
My answer is also a question: Why not ask her that question the same way you asked us?
Your D isn't the WAW here...you can talk to her like a normal person...a normal teenager...a...teenager...ok so there are SOME similarites there, you can still ask her that question.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
food. It sounds silly but if I have food out or around S will usually hang out and eat that with me. I let him drive the conversation which means we talk about zombie apocalypses, I've seen way more Family Guy, Futurama, South Park, and Big Bang than I need to ever in my life...but I know he'll stay in the room with me.
The same can work for girls. I remember one summer my dad found all these old movies from the 60s cheesy teen flicks with Frankie and Annette. I don't know why but I loved them and I will never forget that summer watching those with my dad. I was 13 at the time.
I also really bonded with my dad when he taught me to drive. Mom was too high strung. We had good talks driving together after school.
Good stuff so far. I've been having similar trouble with D14.
I have connected with her through teaching her to drive.
Because I'm in a remote area, she doesn't like to come out to visit for more than a day trip.
There is a concert coming up that she would really want to go to, but at $85 a head... we've decided since it's an outdoor concert, we're gonna crash it just outside the gates just to listen.
Every opportunity I get to talk to her about the sport she's currently participating in is fair game as well as going to her events.
Apparently the Zoo or park are good places to go. I'm guessing there are boys there to oogle at.
Remember, she'll probably be embarrassed to be with you in public, so try to be fun, but not draw too much attention to the both of you from others.
D14 will also, sometimes, discuss the love of her life. He's dumped her twice now and he has come back a third time. This time, I'm trying to be supportive and keep my mouth otherwise shut and my ears wide open. They make me nervous as a couple, he's two years older, so I'd rather her talk to me about him than to shut that convo down by saying something that will piss her off.
D14 will also let me take her clothes shopping, sometimes. I get to wait in the car at the mall and she texts me when she's done... lol... not quite, but if I don't mind my Ps and Qs, she dumps me in a second.
I also make an awesome home made beef jerky that I can bribe her with, sometimes. She loves beef jerky and it's a heck of a lot cheaper if I make it myself. Bonus that she actually likes what I make.
The one thing I do have to watch is that when D9 is with me, D14 tends to dominate my attention. It really puts D9 out. So it is really important that I give D9 full on attention as much as I can and also nice that D9 and I get a lot of one on one due to D14's social calender.
And texting her every once in a while on topics that do interest her or just for some banter appears to allow us to connect. I just try not to over do it.
Great input guys. Mach has been educating me about this. I don't want to push her away. We do play video games and try new recipies often. She luvs my cooking. I text her every other day with an I luvs ya and she responds in kind. It was so much easier a couple of years ago when on a hot day like today she would wait for me to jump in the pool and splash water at each other. Really miss those days.
Keep those suggestions coming. I really have to get good at this. Saving my kid and my relationship with her is more important than saving my M. I would appreciate what a visitation schedule with an almost 16 y/o may look like. W works mostly from home goes to the office only one day.
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
. So I TM D and told her I had a DVD for her. She was super exited since she loves Adele.