Holly cow! I just had an amazing 20 min with h. He kept hugging me and kissed me!
I agreed to let him have d2/3 a day early for fathers day. At first I thought he flaked out on me BC there was no contact. Out of nowhere he called me. He was called in to work and had just gotten done. I could tell he was rushing and wanted to know if he could still have his girls.
Knowing he was driving an hour away to visit family I got our girls stressed in thi the cutest outfits, did their hair, everything. Normally we switch them in plain clothes for fear the spouse would hang onto the nice clothes.
I know today is important to him and if I were in his shoes I would wasn't my girls to look nice too. He kept saying how beautiful they looked and for letting me have them early. He kept saying how much it meant to him. I think he was shocked to see how supportive and living I was being in spite of how terrible he had been.
Honestly guys, he kept flirting with me, telling me how beautiful I looked. He must have hugged me a million times. He had that sparkle I'm his eye. He thanked me again and I simply said "I know this is important to you, now go and have a blast with our girls". He almost cried. He grabbed my face, kissed me, looked me in the eyes and said "I love you so much as their Mommy". His eyes said more.
I thought it was dead. I thought he was lost. I thought I no longer knew him. But that man that just left, that's the man I'm I'm love with.
Me-31 H-24 D3,D2 M 4 yrs WAW(me) 12/2011 role reversal 03/2012 (H)PA 3-6/2012 (H)D filed 6/2012 D deemed "inactive", closed 8/2012 I've moved on 9/2012
Acknowledge the positives but keep your wits about you!!! Do not get sucked into thinking everything is "okay". Stay focused and not overly excited. I have been there and only been at this DBing thing for about a month. Be PREPARED for a letddown. I hope it doesn't come but just in case...
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
Good sign, but I would caution you to no get too high during the highs or too low during the lows. It ain't called the roller coaster for nothin'. Just from hanging out here and living my own WAW life, I have learned that they are all over the place sometimes....back and forth. Take it as a good sign, but don't overdo it.
Not trying to be Debbie Downer, just want to keep you from the angst I suffered from reading things too much.
Good advice. I wouldn't even be surprised if he backed off or went cold. I have no expectations as technically we are going through d. It was just nice to see that side of him.
At the very least I see potential for healing and a great friendship raising our girls side by side.
Me-31 H-24 D3,D2 M 4 yrs WAW(me) 12/2011 role reversal 03/2012 (H)PA 3-6/2012 (H)D filed 6/2012 D deemed "inactive", closed 8/2012 I've moved on 9/2012
I was just reading some posts from acuray (sp??) And I think I understand him and today. Today wad the first time I showed him a form of compassion and foreignness. I think he is scared and ashamed.
There are so many times he has wronged me during our m, and even during our s. Most recently, in April, he put me in a hard place. His lack of military mandated financial support caused me to be evicted from my home. I literally had days to find a new place, with hardly any money. He did not help with any aspect. His only conversation was "just let me know when to get my girls so they won't be homeless as well. He let me use his SUV only to threaten to tell the cops it had been stolen. That's only one of many examples.
So I think he has been scared and ashamed. That's what probably made him the happiest, to see that I had forgiven him and wasn't holding anything over his head.
I was advised to keep the road home smooth, which I believe I have.
Isn't it crazy? How we accept our "deal breakers" and s crazy actions, because we love them? Love really can move mountains.
Me-31 H-24 D3,D2 M 4 yrs WAW(me) 12/2011 role reversal 03/2012 (H)PA 3-6/2012 (H)D filed 6/2012 D deemed "inactive", closed 8/2012 I've moved on 9/2012
if this is the kind of compassion you are capable of so early in your sitch - you are one amazing beautiful person. my heart goes out to you jamie.
keep in mind - we are only given what we can deal with - nothing more, nothing less.
on the other hand - i, too will add my downer. sure he has feelings for you, but as all of us have found out repeatedly is that even though the feelings are strong and often even stronger than before the bomb, they can do things like what you described and STILL continue to walk away. i fooled myself in the beginning every damn time - if he has so much there for me, this won't last all that long. well, it didn't work that way and usually doesn't.
so chalk it down to a few wonderful minutes of closeness, and then keep moving forward focusing only on yourself and your kids. your compassion will help carry you a large part of the way
zig
me 46 H 38 M10yrs T 11 S10 BD ow 8/11 h filed 9/25/12
"if i could define enlightenment briefly, i would say it is the quiet acceptance of what is"
