My wife has been coming over to watch the b ball playoffs because she didn't have a tv yet. Last time we got into a fight because the subject if money came up. Do I text her and say she's welcome to come watch the game? she now has a tv and i know she may not accept. Im sure i would have some negative feeling if she didn't. I would also get a positive feeling if she accepted.
My wife has been coming over to watch the b ball playoffs because she didn't have a tv yet. Last time we got into a fight because the subject if money came up. Do I text her and say she's welcome to come watch the game? she now has a tv and i know she may not accept. Im sure i would have some negative feeling if she didn't. I would also get a positive feeling if she accepted.
Advice?
No; it's "pursuing," and you're also admitting that you're unable to extend the invitation without expecatations attached to it.
She came over last night and things were OK. Son was upset with the game and got loud about refs and the play. Wife said a few things to tell him to settle down and he talked back to her. I put a stop to him disrespecting her.
I could tell she was upset with him along with the terrible game. She got up and said she was leaving. Told her goodnight.
She later texted that S was not going to talk to her that way again, that I should stop him from being disrespectful. I told her we would all three discuss it later when emotions settled down.
She texted me thanks for letting her watch the game, and that she wasn't mad at me. She also said I could come see her apartment this weekend. I said I would at least like to know where she was located in case there was ever a problem. Texted goodnight.
I am reading Divorce Remedy again. The last time was 8 yrs ago. I am reading about small changes, goals, etc. I feel like I need to continue to distance myself for a while with less contact, before there would be any attempt to work on things. I know things are too raw to discuss with any real outcome. I see her being nice to me in ways and am confused as to whether she's just being nice or if it is her being nice to me, if that makes sense.
Like last night, I am only trying to be positive and happy. There was really no mention of anything about our situation. Hopefully, the pressure is slowly being released.
Again, I really appreciate the feedback. Sometimes I know the answer but it makes sense when I see it in a response. If helps to know if I'm at least going in the right direction even though I'm not exactly on the path all the time.....
W has been out of the house for about a week with a couple of trips to the house to watch ballgames, since her cable has not been hooked up. Saturday, I am clearing out a rent house where a piece of her furniture is stored so I drop it off at her apartment. She is physically sick, with nothing to do, no tv, no internet, etc. She asks if she can come over and spend the night and I say OK. She spent Sat evening and all day Sunday at the house.
I had put my ring back on and never said a word. She noticed and asked why? I said "just did, does it offend you?" She said no and held my hand and asked "does this offend you?" Most of the weekend she spent sitting next to me, laying next to me, holding hands, etc. until Sunday night when she was going home. She started to make some comments about the last day or two and they sounded like they were negative. She said something about not wanting to lead me on. I told her we should not discuss this right now, we should enjoy that we had a good weekend and not try to analyze everything. She agreed.
I realize this activity could mean she is unsure of herself and wanting to come back. It could also mean she was bored and needed something to do, nothing more than that. I have reread Divorce Principles and am trying to assign NO meaning to anything that happened.
Just going to continue working on myself and not pursue.
W has been out of the house for about a week with a couple of trips to the house to watch ballgames, since her cable has not been hooked up. Saturday, I am clearing out a rent house where a piece of her furniture is stored so I drop it off at her apartment. She is physically sick, with nothing to do, no tv, no internet, etc. She asks if she can come over and spend the night and I say OK"that sounds like fun, but I've got plans. Maybe another time."
No contact in several days. I can feel myself becoming normal with living by myself (and my S). However, I am sure hoping this is the right path. (even though I know it is as I've been through this before.)
Just curious how short of a time it took this to work and how long it took for others?
After reading DB again, I made a list of small things that I thought I could take as positive results. One of them was that W would invite me to an upcoming function in August. A husband of a friend of my W (who is hearing the warning signs from his own wife) told me his W sent him a message that she and my W are going together (leaving him out also.)
How do I get over caring. I know I shouldn't worry about it. I know a lot of things could change between now and then. I know not to say anything to W as it would be pursuing. I know to act happy and stay busy. However, I need any support out there..........
(by the way, I bought DB and gave to the friend. He has heard "as soon as the kids are out of the house, she is through." I told him our W's are telling each other how bad each marriage is. If we both work on it and make positive strides, we might just help each other.)
Haven't had any contact with the W in three days. No texts, emails or telephone calls.
W came by the house tonight to see if I needed a ride to go out to eat. Thought my son might have had our transportation and I might be afoot. Thought this could be good or bad. When she arrived, she gave back the debit cards for our bank accounts.
Our S was home and said he wanted to go eat also. She originally thought he was going to be gone. During the evening, she made comments about coming over to the house and getting more of her stuff, "to clean her stuff up for me."
Between giving the cards back and continuing to move on, I feel she was originally going to tell me she was moving on, but the S's presence got in the way.
She also made comments about coming over on the 4th to lay by the pool, if that was OK.
I didn't talk about our future, our relationship, nothing. Tried my best to talk about work, her work, just regular stuff. It's killing me but I'm trying. It feels like she is continuing to move on. Roller coaster, I'm on the front car again......
