Navy Here is your chance she seriously disrespected you! Serve her papers. This was a huge slap in the face, and she just proved that she can say she is going to go hang out with this guy, and you are powerless to stop it. Which means she can now go sleep with him, and you are also powerless to stop her. This is proving to her that you will stay no matter how much she disrespects you. So guess what it'll get worse. Now don't go crazy and make a scene just calmly inform her that her actions have shown she has no respect for you and the marriage and that you will be serving her soon.
Me and my w had a similar problem. She couldn't see how her actions with friends were bad. I had to make it clear that it had to do nothing with impropriety but the perception of it. If she thinks this relationship is so clean then why are you not involved why are you cut out from their dinners? Why must she hide so much. More importantly if she can't accept your boundaries then what is she doing with you? She needs to move on to a relationship status where she won't have boundaries she doesn't like.
I can tell from your comments that you are already trying to rationalize her blatant disrespect. It's not that you are too strict, it's that you are too weak to stand up to someone who doesn't respect you.
Sorry if I sound harsh but come on man. Everyone around you and on this board agrees this is out of line, and you are wondering if you are too strict?!
All you can do is let it go?! Sounds like you are too afraid to be alone so, yes you are right all you can do is let it go. As for your kids, well I guess it's ok for them to grow up thinking that it's ok for mommy to have man friends on the side, and to go get drunk all night away from home.
navy, i feel so sad for you that you feel you deserve this kind of disrespect. i know so many wise people on here have offered advice and encouragement and yet, you don't take it and enforce boundaries.
((()))
I need to pipe in here and say this sort of blatant behavior is precisely what a lot of MLC WAS do. I mean, hell, they go so far as to even discuss having dinner over at the OW/OM or discuss meeting the friends of the OW/OM.
Navy Here is your chance she seriously disrespected you! Serve her papers. This was a huge slap in the face, and she just proved that she can say she is going to go hang out with this guy, and you are powerless to stop it. Which means she can now go sleep with him, and you are also powerless to stop her. This is proving to her that you will stay no matter how much she disrespects you. So guess what it'll get worse. Now don't go crazy and make a scene just calmly inform her that her actions have shown she has no respect for you and the marriage and that you will be serving her soon.
GB90, I have to say I think this is pretty harsh and almost inciting divorce. I'm not keen on your tone. Almost sounds like, 'Slap that •itch up the side of the head and get her in line! You need to get your respect!' Not keen at all with this tone GB90.
navy, i feel so sad for you that you feel you deserve this kind of disrespect. i know so many wise people on here have offered advice and encouragement and yet, you don't take it and enforce boundaries.
it's hard to know what to tell you. nothing seems to register enough to get you to love yourself.
((()))
Thanks SS. I know it has to be so frustrating for everyone trying to help me. It's hard to explain how I feel. I don't feel I deserve this type of disrespect...nobody does. W does not see it as disrespectful behavior. I think W honestly sees little wrong with her hanging out with this guy...and what wrong she does see, she's going to ignore just to prove a point.
I had a good time with the kids while she was gone...at least up until bedtime when I discovered D6 had lice. Ewwww. So I got them both dressed and took them to the store to get the medicine for that. W got home around 9:30 as I was starting to comb all the dead lice out of D6's hair. When she got home she helped bag up all of D6's sheets and stuffed animals so we can wash them, then she went out to the deck. So, she spent about 5 hours with him. I didn't even ask her about it. I figure I can wait until tomorrow's MC to bring it up.
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
I need to pipe in here and say this sort of blatant behavior is precisely what a lot of MLC WAS do. I mean, hell, they go so far as to even discuss having dinner over at the OW/OM or discuss meeting the friends of the OW/OM.
I'm
Not sure I understand what you are getting at here...are you saying W is "putting on a show" for me to get me to react?
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
That is your W's motivation and NOTHING you can do will change that.
Until she make a choice. And you will not make her make that choice.
I don't know if I can draw the link from W's drinking to her wanting to hang out with this guy. Am I missing something?
BITS M: 35 W: 35 T14, M11 D9, S6 ILYBINILY: June 09 Unofficially Separated (long distance): 1/2/11 W came home: 3/17/11 EE: July 2012 Dropped the rope: Oct 2012 Piecing: April 2013 Not piecing: April 2014 Stuck.
I need to pipe in here and say this sort of blatant behavior is precisely what a lot of MLC WAS do. I mean, hell, they go so far as to even discuss having dinner over at the OW/OM or discuss meeting the friends of the OW/OM.
I'm
Not sure I understand what you are getting at here...are you saying W is "putting on a show" for me to get me to react?
I'm not sure what YC meant, I do want to explain something VERY CLEARLY.
Your W would very likely have you pissed off with her because of an OM, then to admit she's going out to drink.
~~~~~
Look man...
My mother abandoned her children over the bottle.
She had now abandoned her grand children over the bottle.
Literally, my mother WILL risk the safety and well being of her children AND ANYONE ELSE afaik in order to get her fix.
And alcohol and domestic violence, in the guise of "boundaries"?
Ain't worth a freakin' penny, boundaries... not in ANY way to an alcoholic.
Navy, this is your life. I am sorry. I completely feel for you and your sitch. Believe me, my dad is no saint. Far from it. Yet, he struggles daily to stay in this M. I see him suffer. I am suffering because right now, I am living with them, and until I can afford to get out, I can not see my kids as often because while they know, I WILL NOT expose my kids to this.
Until there is actually proof positive that your W is off the bottle...
No.. it means she has absolutely no respect for you or your feelings. She is takling to you and treating you like her gay friend or GF. If she had an once of concern for you as her man she would never even consider it. Especially after you mentioned your concerns. You and your feelings simply don't rate.
I know you are trying to save your marriage but unless a women respects a man she can never love him. Not as a man maybe as a pet or a friend. Is that enough for you? Really? Look I was USAF for 20 yrs, I always thought you swabbies had a bit more pride than this my friend. Not meant to smack you down but get a backbone for gods sake. Make decsions from strength not fear. You can handle it and so can your kids.
M: 50, W: 48 M: 26 yrs S:25, D:24, S:20, D:19 Hard at work on my marriage everyday! There is hope, there is life, it is the only life we have....
