I am trying to have patience and to give her time. Just wish I new if she was here for me and our relationship, or if I am just the easy path for her at this time. I do not want to put her under pressure, so there has been no R talk. But there has to be at some point.
Still confused.
Good grief, I can certainly understand why you are confused!! So your W is back home with you, but has not said a word about reconciling? What you describe sounds like an MLCer that is starting to come out of the tunnel. You might post a thread on the MLC forum and see if dbmod, Cadet and/ or Jack_Three_Beans can give you some input on how to proceed. I don't know enough about MLC to comment, I -think- you're supposed to just keep giving them time and space while they duck in and out of the tunnel and let them emerge on their own schedule.
I can understand why it may be confusing. However, it sounds to me like she's even more confused than you are.
You have definitely taken the high, rocky road during your situation.
I think you're taking the right approach. No pressure at this point. One day at a time, my friend. You'll know when the time is right to have that R talk. It's taken this long to get to this point.
I would consider this progress, although it's unclear what direction you are progressing in.
I agree that your situation sounds confusing. My H is depressed also and it is confusing to interpret his moods, and your wife's ups and downs sound even more dramatic. You have been strong in a tough situation.
I agree with jbnati that your XW moving home is progress. I wonder, if she moved out and got a place of her own, whether you would still spend time together in the same way?
Jb, Another: Thanks for the thoughts....sometimes the limbo is excruciating....
I have been patient...need to find more of that, alot more of that....
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
AC, sounds like you have a room mate. And that's fine, if that's what you want.
No expectations, ok?
Until and unless she says she wants to work things out and begins to act in a manner that supports that, then it would appear she is just figuring her life out.
I would personally recommend GAL as much as possible at this point in time.
Kaffe, et al. Thanks for the thoughts. It is good to hear from you.
Yes, I would say figuring her life out is exactly what is happening. We have not even had a R talk yet, and not sure when we will, if ever. She told me last night part of her intermittent depression is that she misses the OM, who was the rebound relationship. Wonderful. Really makes a guy feel good.
Life goes on, as they say.
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
Do you know if SHE left the OM or if he dumped her?
It upsets me to hear how nice you are to her and she had to say that to you. You don't deserve that.
Hang in there my man.
Me: 43 W: 37 Together: 18 M: 15 D: 8 yrs old ILYBNILWY: March 2011 She Filed for D: August 2011 She moved out: Sept 1, 2011 Reconciled: May 2012 Divorce Case dropped: July 2012
Moving forward one day at a time on this end. Went to a concert last night and had a very good time.
I am trying to be patient and give her the time and space she needs. That is sometimes difficult when we are living together, but I am not sure that kicking her out right now is the right idea - while there is wisdom in her getting her own place, I am not sure if that would help or hurt w.r.t. depression. I do know that I cannot control that, and I am letting her make the decision. It is my impression that we would spend just about as much time together as we do now.
The big question is whether I am going to be an H or just a friend. Not sure she knows.
NTX: not sure of the details with OM, but understand she was ending it when she decided to take her job back and he was none too happy and told her to get lost. I studiously avoid asking about such things. Not my business and it can only hurt me.
Everytime I get the feeling that this has to end soon, I need to look back and realize what a long road is has been and how far I and we have come......
Need to GAL hard core......
H 51, W 46 no kids T 22 years M 17 years ILBNILWY 2/10 1st D talk 6/10 partial recovery W files D 5/11 long distance separation 8/11 moving forward on D 10/11 legal separation complete 1/2012
