Thanks Crazyville. I know it's not the end of the world and I can go on and I know I will be better without him. My life is much happier and much more stable without him around. The animosity I have for him is more for the way bs is treating me and the kids rather than the fact that he doesn't want to be married. He has blatently disregarded my wishes and he continues to hide things from me and lie to me and yet he wants to be my friend. So I am drawing a boundary. I don't want to be friends with someone who lies to me and is not out for my best interest.
Perhaps he is ill. I am not saying I was innocent and did nothing wrong in our marriage but I did nothing to deserve being treated this way. Neither did my children.
I may sound angry or bitter but I honestly am not angry at this point. I am tired and worn out and this journey has just begun. I have detached from him. Yes I am hurt and sad and no I don't want this but I also do not want to be in a relationship with this man. I am happy with me and my kids. But I cannot trust him.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
You know I think I am doing a great job GAL'ing. In fact I feel better when H is not around. Then I dont have to keep myself On watchful eye. I can be myself when he is not around. Not saying I put on an act when he is around but I feel more comfortable and I do not need to watch out for the spew.
Now that I have a lawyer H is being a bit more respectful. Tells me he still wants us to be amicable and doesn't want us to hate each other and still cares about me very much. I still cannot buy into it. Actions speak louder than words and friends do not lie, cheat and steal from you.
I took the kids to see "Brave" today. Wonderful movie. I highly recommend it. Also took them to the state park where H and I had one of our first dates. It was very emotional for me but I love that place on the lake michigan shoreline and it was so beautiful and it took my breath away watching the kids have so much fun. With days like today I swing between feeling pity for H and absolutely hating him for what he is doing. It is so hard to stay neutral.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
I also saw Brave today with my son and we loved it. The underlying message hit me pretty hard though and my son asked why I was crying at the end. The message (as I took it) being--- in order to heal any damaged relationship, you have to ditch your pride, allow yourself to love and be loved, we are all capable of change, which allows for a better and stronger R when you come out on the other side. It's pretty simple, really, but we tend to make it much much more complex.
M:39 H:39 S/15, S/11 (both adopted in 2004, my step-nephews, now our kids) M10, T13 Multiple bombs. Latest one 5/4/12, our 10th anniversary. Still living together and sharing a bed up until 7/18/12.
Has been a while since I posted. I have been so busy with GAL and my kids I havent had time to post. Long story short still on the road to D but I am in control now, not H. My lawyer has things under control and my ducks are in a row. H doesn't have a lawyer and is kind of freaking out. He still tries the power plays with me but I just call his bluff and don't let him make me react. Still wants me to be a mother to him. And this business about having no romantic feelings? Hogwash. Last night he was tickling me poking me and wrestling with me just like a teenage boy. And it was all initiated by H. He hasn't tried to "sleep" with me yet but nothing would surprise me at this stage of the game. The amount of delusional thinking and lack of touch with reality and dysfunction is astounding.
I continue to go to counseling every two weeks, have fun with the kids whenever possible and I am getting my son to his first counseling session next week. I am more detached now that I ever thought possible. It's not easy and it takes time but it makes life so much easier. And since I have detached to the point of treating him like an acquaintance, he has reached out to me even more. I will have days where he will not contact me at all and then days where he will not leave me alone.
As far as OW she is a fool. She is my polar opposite and as far as I am concerned she can have him. He is nothing but a large child and he is more exhausting than my own children. H tells me he wants the D over quickly since OW is concerned that the D is going to "drag out" another six months or so. I told him that her concerns are not my problem. That's my new mantra. "that's not my problem."
Thank goodness for this board. Otherwise I would feel like I was the crazy one!!!!
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
As far as OW. She is my polar opposite and as far as I am concerned she can have him. He is nothing but a large child and he is more exhausting than my own children.
You realize that this is MLC script what you have written. She is OPPOSITE - script. And she is doing you a favor by taking care of your H while he is in crazy land. Yup he is a child, more MLC script!
He has a lot of growing up to do but like a child it will not happen quickly.
More craziness...before he left to go "up north" to see "his friend" je told me he wanted to take the kids to the movies tomorrow when he got back. I told him I was taking the kids because he just took them last week. He said well why cant we all go together? You could have knocked me over with a feather. I was speechless. Just when I think nothing else can surprise me.
No expectations whatsoever. We go to court Monday for the temporary order and he's trying to butter me up. It isn't going to work.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
Well movie night has came and went. H showed up we went to the movie and even shared a bucket of popcorn. We came home kids and I took a walk/bike ride with the dog and threw stones in the small pond down the road. Got back to the house and H and the kids lit sparklers. Kinda surreal to say the least. Started to get emotional and forced myself to become detached. This totally blows but I didn't make this path I am forced to follow. I just must go on knowing God is my guide.
Tomorrow will be interesting to say the least.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
So The temporary hearing is over and I haven't heard from H since. He has been gone for two days and I don't know if or when I will hear from him next. He was NOT a happy camper after the hearing. Let's just say the court commissioner put H in his place. H did not agree with the stipulation the kids could not be around OW. He wanted to separate our finances and cut me off from his paycheck. He said the financial problems were because I spent too much money paying the bills (I cannot make this stuff up). He also said the house was not being maintained properly to which the commissioner told him he still lived in the house so if it needed maintenance H needed to maintain it. H basically took his ball and went home. He then picked up S at camp took him to lunch and cried about how mean mom is. S had his first counseling session today. I think it is going to be very helpful to him.
Feeling melancholy right now. Shouldn't be sad because H deserved what he got. Just wish it didnt have to be this way.
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
