Well friends - tomorrow is my son's last day of school. We made it. My promise to myself over the last two years involved letting no one else in and keeping all my attention and energy focused on providing as stable an environment as possible for my son to finish high school. It is truly bittersweet. On the one hand, I am TIRED and looking forward to letting go a bit. On the other hand, I feel as though I am moving into a lonelier time and I am afraid that maybe some of the grief I have had to suppress will rear its ugly head. I can only hope that I am stronger today than I was 2 years ago and I can cope with the grief in a better way. I wish it was gone. I wish I didn't think about X sharing his life with someone and me being alone. I wish I didn't think about the reality that comes from being 49 and recognizing the slim chance of finding someone else to share my life with. Challenging times ahead...
X contacted me earlier this week. "You need help with anything getting ready for the graduation party - grass mowed, anything?" Are you kidding me??? He left this house in total disrepair! I have worked myself to death bringing the house to a state where I can actually host our daughter's wedding events and our son's graduation party. I do not have ANY good feelings towards this wretch right now - but I will behave myself for my kids and make these memories positive.
Wanted to thank you all for being here during these 2 years. It's a milestone for me!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I wish I didn't think about the reality that comes from being 49 and recognizing the slim chance of finding someone else to share my life with.
Irish - don't be silly! I was 53 when I re-entered the dating pool, and I thought the same thing at first - until I became aware of the cornucopia of men out there who thought I was grand. Tall, handsome, smart, sexy men - some my age, some younger, some much too young. Once you get out there, you may be surprised that it's not as bleak as you think.
I applaud you for your devotion to getting your son through high school - now it's time to start preparing for your new life. Get a makeover if you need one, or just a new haircut or color. Start some new challenge, something you've always wanted to do or learn.
You will find love if you want it. Or maybe adventure!
being 49 and recognizing the slim chance of finding someone else to share my life with
From a 47 yo male perspective....don't even worry about it...when I was frustrated and lost hope and had my week of half hearted exploring the singles world I was only attracted to (with 1 exception) women 45-55...lets see, many had gone through their X's MLC and divorce, had already gone through "the Change", children launched, had time to develop themselves and did interesting things (one competed in bicycle road racing, one raised her own wool and made products from it, one was avid backpacker, one was a pagan priestess)...by default, you have a LOT that is attractive.
So, get your bearings, find what excites YOU, integrate your experiences the last few years, etc...you'll have plenty of opportunity...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
This seems to be what a lot are saying, that the "around 50" mark is pretty good as far as the dating pool of available people who have great qualities/life experience/etc. I'm 43 and the majority of the crowd I'm friends with is in their 30's and later 20's, and I don't seem to find a lot of men at all in the late 30's/early 40's age range, and I there are no common interests I've found (films/books/music, that sort of thing) with people I meet closer to 50 in this geographical area.
I really try not to be "ageist", but I have significantly more in common with people younger than me by 10 years than people older than me by 10 years. It's like I'm not of the same generation as those 10 years older, and it's really painfully obvious that there is no common ground.
Sometimes I think the right person for me is out there, he's just not gone through his divorce yet, lol.
But I actually do see evidence that those in the early 50s seem to have more choices, so don't despair :-)
M45 Bomb 6/09; EA 6/10; Divorced 1/11 Proud single mom of 7 little feline girls and one little feline boy "Fall down 53 times. Get up 54." -- Zen saying
I am a "young" 47...heck my oldest son and his friends like me hanging around them and even come "hang-out" when oldest isn't around, and I have been carded buying beer when freshly shaved and haircut (minimizes the grey apparently...lol). Being a former musician, etc has helped keep me "young", I jam with them and we have a lot of music commonalities, etc...but...
One of the fall-outs of dealing with a spouse's MLC/severe menopause is that love is no longer blind...I guess I am more "actuarial" regarding a future committed relationship...there ARE risks that I want to minimize...such as repeating MLC (heck, I am on phase 2 with the current one, don't know if I have it in me for a third....).
Would I rule out a woman in her 30's, early 40's? Heck no. 20's? Probably, because I think there IS too much difference in world view and emotional maturity, usually. Plus it just screams "male MLC" to me, and I just don't find that attractive anymore. I am just fine and at peace with my age. I only "explored" for about a week, so by no means did I even begin to dip my toe in the waters, so I don't even have a decent sample to go off of. And where I live, "young at heart/in mind" and open-mindedness is prevalent in the 40-60 age range.
Hopefully this is just a mental exercise for me, but more importantly putting out there that despair isn't needed...
Just my .03
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
IB, sweetie, you are getting ahead of yourself. You are nowhere near ready to get in the dating scene.
Took me almost four years. And then I ran into an old friend. We are no longer dating. My choice, I still have some stuff to work through.
I am 53 and can hang with any age group. I find people who have experienced life and love and have weathered tough and are curious and open to be very attractive regardless of a number.
I believe if you show the world confidence and compassion and a sense of humor, you will be attractive.
IB, you are a strong, compassionate, loving, intelligent woman. You will only be alone if you choose to be.
But for right now, figure out you.
You can start by beginning to stop looking over your shoulder at what once was and stat looking ahead to what could be.
The world is your oyster. It could be whatever you want it to be. A whole lot of possibilities.
Blast! I'm 55 this year. Gates are closing ... hahaha!
Seriously, there is a whole world to explore out there, IB. Don't worry about sharing your life with a man ... that will come in time. Live in the present, tomorrow is only a dream right now.
Congrats to your son and daughter.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
IB, Please don't worry about the age factor right now...focus on today and let tomorrow take care of itself. My mother always points out to me that when the time is right, God will place the man that I am suppose to be w/in my path. I truly believe that and this will happen for you as well. Trust in God and allow him to do the necessar work for you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Well folks - the big weekend has come and gone! My daughter's bridal shower and my son's graduation party. I worked so hard cleaning up the house and the yard - I had amazing family and friends help me and the whole thing was a tremendous success.
XH showed up - his family was there almost an hour before he arrived. I kept it light though and tried to just make everyone comfortable. XH arrived and looked - well, just strange. My friends from work had not seen him in 2 years and they said he looked like a total "alien". Just so strange... He and his gf have broken up.
So he ends up talking to my uncle and father - makes plans to drive to daughter's wedding with them to play golf!!! I keep it together through the rest of the night - but the next day i break down. I feel so guilty - he wants EVERYTHING else we had together EXCEPT me! I can't purge this - I can't seem to stop internalizing this pain of "knowing" he never wanted to be with me - I was NEVER right for him.
Anyway - my sister came in and she said - "your kids want their mother back". I said "I don't understand.- I have not missed a beat - shown up for everything -paid for everything I could - tried my best" She said - well they don't feel like you are your old self. I was heartbroken. It was tough. But I kept it together and kept smiling.
Anyway - thank you for listening!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Once you get out there, you may be surprised that it's not as bleak as you think.
