How long do they keep hiding?

[SunFunOne]

I've read of my MLC spouses who leave without a forwarding address. And some who stay in touch but will give out no contact info. When my ex left - he would not give me his address or new cel phone #. He did give it to the 2 younger kids (19 & 12 at the time). So if I had to contact him - I did so by email. Then he changed his email address and I could only contact him through work.

Last year our son was rushed to hospital (he has always had serious medical issues) and I contacted him through work as he was near death. I asked him at the time for his email address. He told me "I'm not comfortable with that". (Like I'm some kind of stalker - NOT!).

Anyway - the kids have told me he is in Russia on some cruise. He left no contact info for them or for me. And Ryan has been in hospital and quite ill during the past couple of weeks. Apparently he knew he was in hospital but made no attempt to contact me to see how he was doing or to let me know he would be away.

How horrible would it be if he were away and something happened? Of course there would be nothing I could do. But it would be awful.

I remember my dearly departed DB pal Frosty would call her ex "The Mole" because he holed up and never gave her an address or phone # either.

I guess after 11 years they still want their little secrets.

Barb

[MrBond]

I'm so sorry to hear about your son.

To me your XH is a piece of sh@t. Sorry. Any man who doesn't have the b@lls to take care of the welfare of their kids first and foremost isn't a man.

Stop worrying about him and just concentrate on your son. My prayers are with you.

[SunFunOne]

Thank you Bond! I rarely think about him but in the moment - I believe in doing the right thing. Like last year - it was hard to call him to son's bedside but I knew I had to do that. It was him who felt uncomfortable - who had to face his demons - US - his other 2 kids, my new man, my siblings etc.

Ryan had a better day today.

Barb

[too trusting]

we wish you and your kids all the best, especially a complete recovery for your son. and I totally agree with MrB.

[imthemom]

Hope your son Ryan is doing better...its funny, we have so much in common, both with the special needs sons and my oldest son is named Ryan also..:)
I totally relate to the hospital stays and the handleing of things alone. but I guess thats why we were made with such strong shoulders...and I agree, your ex is an A hole...IMO..

[SunFunOne]

Yep - agreed! It's hard to think he was an involved Dad for all those years - (Ryan was 23 when his dad left) then just totally dropped the ball. I have to say, though, that I was the hospital parent. We did not agree on how to care for Ryan and I was the positive one so I told him I was taking over. Ry's paediatrician chewed him out at one point for not helping out or getting involved more - so I guess it goes back a long way.

If anything should happen to Ryan - he would blame me and everyone else involved. Yet he and OW do not a thing to help.

Oh well - just venting away here today. He is in Russia. I am relieved actually.

Barb
Recently he told Ryan's nurse (she had take Ry to visit) that he would like to take him to the zoo and wondered who would pay for that. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? He wouldn't pay to take his kid to the zoo once in 11 years when he can go on exotic cruises and get a new BMW???

Also he told her that maybe he and OW could take Ry overnight in a hotel sometime. Then OW balked and said "I'm not sure we could handle that". And my nurse reminded him that Ryan sleeps in a hospital bed, uses lifts etc.

I often wonder what planet he came from. He is certainly not from my world.

Barb

[kat727]

They say a Mid-Life Crisis can last for years. I am amazed at how delusional he is still. He just doesn't get it. While my ex is delusional he has been good about taking the kids to their appointments in KC even when I can't get off. I think I have only missed one. He has missed several but I think it is important that he is going now. Oh and I think we spoke of this before, my son that needed all the transfusions and surgery, is Ryan.

Thinking of you guys. Big hugs, kat

[KarenMarieS]

Unbelievable he didn't leave any contact info!! you have a special case w/ Ryan and there is no excuse for him just leaving like that, what the heck is wrong w/ the man?? oh dont answer that Barb LOL

Mines so willy nilly bi polar it makes me dizzy... for months, he didn't even contact his one and only offspring! my Ryan all but wrote him off, now all of a sudden hes texting him, calling ,finally making plans to come out for a few days in July to see his son who he has not seen in 2 yrs and even writing me , making jokes, being,,,,,almost human and ,,,,nice! egads!
I quit trying to figure them out long ago B, its just too confusing!

Hope Ryan is feeling better soon. Hugs to you and him my friend

[SunFunOne]

Kat: Yep - he actually thinks he does ok. Hmmm... not sure how he comes up with that but if maggot tells him he's a good dad - he believes he's a good dad. Because that's the one thing that has never changed in 11 years. maggot calls all the shots.

He has never ever given us contact info. Usually I don't even notice but this time - it really hit home as things have been rough lately with Ryan.

Thanks - Ry had a good day today!

Barb

[SunFunOne]

Karen:

Isn't it strange how many of us have sons named RYAN! That's 4 or 5 us here!

I didn't realize your ex had gone that long without seeing his only child.

BiPolar? I've certainly thought it of my ex. Probably true of many of them. My C suggested Chuck probably was. It sure explains a lot if it's true.

When he left he accused me of being controlling. My C says it was not controlling - it was "being responsible" because one of us had to be.

Barb