Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I am headed out for a long walk. I wanted to go to the beach, but decided to do that in the morning. I have some little tasks I'm trying to step through here, tonight. Hopefully the walk will focus me!!!
How is everything with you? Same as it ever was?
I'm in a seriously silly "It just doesn't matter" mood. No matter where this journey takes me I will be okay.
Tomorrow evening, if the winds hold nicely, we are going for a family sail. I'm really looking forward to that. Sunday I'm hoping for a picnic with one of the guys I am "Tenatively Dating". I guess it is a tenative date....LOL.....
I continue my efforts to stage to house. Hopefully it goes on the market when STBXH gets back from his trip. I hope it sells quickly so I can move on out of this Limbo!
I am really enjoying not being on eggshells when STBX is in the building.
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Wendy, I feel the same way about OW (hearing her every time he speaks...) I've told myself that I *have* to have some kind of relationship with STBXH b/c of our kids, and therefore I need to be able to resolve the bitterness so it doesn't eat away at me forever. BUT I *DON'T* have to have any interactions with OW ever again and therefore I can choose to move past it, or I can choose to plot ways of slashing her tires. The tire fantasy makes me smile currently... but I hope that one day I won't even care enough to think about her!
Sounds like you have a full dance card! Enjoy! What's in California? (I've been gone for a while and I missed something?)
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
California is where many of my friends live. I graduated from high school with a tight knit group of military brats and small town farm kids. I have run the reunions from afar and have maintained friendships.
That said, I LOVE it here in Hawaii. But keep doing the spreadsheet and for 1/4 the money I can have twice the house and 10 times the land size. Cost of living is high in California. But SKY High here in Hawaii.
I found a decent house here, but then my kids weighed in and all just want to leave Hawaii. Back to the spreadsheet. I can visit Hawaii twice a year and still have money in the bank. Of course that is all WHEN and IF the house sells.......
I have been working hard to keep OW out of my head. I'm pretty sure she reads along on here, after hacking my computer last year. I choose to keep the same screen name and not worry about it, because even if I changed to a different name, she knows me well enough to figure out who I am.
And if it all wasn't her, then I am just paranoid. But what I get from all the wise people here is worth more than what I might be losing by OW snooping on me.
When I am out walking I visualize myself walking away from STBXH. And my hate for people who have hurt me serves no purpose. I do my best to just let it go. Sometimes when I am walking I visualize the wind blowing it off me and it evaporating out into the world, like a cloud of steam just evaporating and gone.....
I was reading about seeking validation. And how it just is backwards thinking. Kind of along my running our lives by committee train of thought. We seek validation when we are seeking objectivity. Very hard for our friends and family to provide that. (Perfect strangers on the internet, can, though!)
Purg, did you ever read any of the baggagereclaim blogs? Those helped me a lot. And the gal who writes them uses British humor, which is guarenteed to make you smile. (Like when she ponders men who think the sun shines out of their bums, see you just smiled!)
Aloha,
Wendy
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I'll check out those blogs! I like you're "blowing away with the wind" visualization... I'll try that sometime. I've managed to get past the bitterness in regards to my H, but the OW stuff still finds its way to eat at me.... Can't wait to get to the place where it doesn't even phase me to hear her name!
I grew up in California (San Fran area) and the military base had already closed down when my dad was transferred there, so I didn't have any friends that understood the nomadic lifestyle of the military, I only keep up with 2 people from HS I think it would be a great start to a new chapter of your life to move to a place that *you* pick (not told by the military) and establish yourself as the beautiful single woman you are becoming
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
Well, if OW is reading along here, she is obviously an extremely sad person with no real life of her own.
Your life plan sound good and will work out. I am also sure you will meet a far nicer man than your cheating spouse. Sounds as if he and his sad partner thoroughly deserve each other.
There is life after infidelity and MLC, as you know
It is after midnight here in Hawaii. I am sipping a glass of champagne left over from what my friends brought to the boat.
It was a beautiful sunset sail. I made some most excellent chicken/grape/cranberry salad to share. My oldest son talked the whole way home. His view of me/his dad/him. He is sad about what is happening. And was sadder that he feels more connected to an old family friend who came along for the sail than he does to his own dad.
And then we had a discussion about how each of is only responsible for ourself. Anyway, I am glad my son and I got to spend some time together.
There is a very funny commercial playing on our local radio stations. It says something like:
Have a great 4th of July. And try not to blow yourselves up!
Sounds like great advise!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Oh Wendy. It sounds so idyllic, and peaceful. You paint a lovely picture of the sailing. I'm glad that your S has been able to open up with you. Proves that even adult children are affected by parental S/D. My S is also very communicative with me, but he says that it's between H and I, but I know he's feeling it too, as are my daughters.
Sometimes, I wish I could "blow" up my M, and see where the pieces land.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I think it would be a great start to a new chapter of your life to move to a place that *you* pick (not told by the military) and establish yourself as the beautiful single woman you are becoming 