Forgive me if this sounds presumptuous, but even if you are not a religious person, speaking to a local pastor might be an option. Or perhaps there is a local divorce group to attend and share with.
Why do you think your son needs to know that your W is having sex or emotionally intimacy with someone else?
Or are you simply wanting to let him know that his mom is planning on leaving...?
And if so, why would you not consult with your W first as to how to go about discussing this with your s?
I don't know the back story, so not sure how DBing worked for you when you were first here. With 44 posts prior to coming back now, I'm guessing that things just sort of worked themselves out for you and your W.
I have to be honest and say that I am sure you want someone to tell you it's OK to talk to your s about this and enlist his help to get your W to reconsider...
But I'm not the person to tell you it is OK...
Adult or not, it is my opinion that one's children not be enlisted for this purpose. Of course, if they involve themselves of their own accord, that is a different story...
But telling your s anything, even under the "reason" of informing him... it may simply be a covert way that you are manipulating his relationship with his mother in order to serve your cause...
Even if he wasn't your son, it would be no different than asking your best friend to talk to your W...
If this has happened before, than I would submit that the two of you didn't resolve the things that caused "this" the first time, thus it's repeating itself...
I completely understand if you decide to go ahead and talk to your son regardless... but unless your W and yourself are prepared to "do the work"... then having that intervention again only delays the inevitable...
So, your W cheated on you the last time?
If so, why would you want to save your M this time, with a woman who is a chronic cheater?
first, he may be legally an adult, but in the eyes of a mother he's not.
He should not hear about the affair from you. Sorry, that's spiteful.
He's not the only one you have to talk to. You are here. If you need to find someone "in person" to talk to, find someone other than your son.
Using your son as "the one to talk to" about this will have no positive outcome for anyone involved. You put your son in a bad position, and that's not fair to him.
please google "emotional incest". it is never ok to burden your children, adult or otherwise, with your marital problems. it's unfair to them and selfish of the parent who does it.
M:63 H:53 S:41, SS:28, SS:25, SD:23 M:15 T:16
Bomb:12/17/11, "I think we should go our separate ways." H moves to his mother's house, 4/1/12 12/21/12: H moves back home, piecing
I'm going to go against the grain and say that it's okay for your son to know. After all he is a grown man, he lives at home and so he's going to have questions.
You don't have to give him details, but I believe that telling him something like "mommy and daddy don't get along" isn't going to work. He now has a say as to how things are going to go because this affects him too.
You don't have to get into the emotions you're going through. For that you get a therapist. So for me, I would sit him down and have a man to man.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
