I'm so sorry for how you're feeling right now. I don't know whether it will help, but I could not find a copy of the solo partner that would arrive in less than 4 weeks, so I downloaded the passion trap - at times I felt this week I couldn't breathe it has all been weighing so heavily on me, but reading this book has really helped. When I start feeling panicky I read certain bits over again.
Sorry for the lack of recent posts but there really hasn't been much to report. Just a few random text messages back and forth. I'm looking for apartments in the town I work in, that's really about it. Some days I feel strong and even relieved. Other times, like today, my mind drifts to the past and I am overcome with sadness. Loneliness is a feeling that really weighs you down and that's how I have felt today. I'm doing G.A.L. stuff but boy, this is not fun. Oh well. My situation pales in comparison to so many other problems.