Well, I am not going to tell my story it is newcomer board. Basically xw is selling her body for pills now. So, I am not taking that back ever, I am here to find out how to get over it. I have always had a hard time getting over R. This 11 year one has been my longest ever. I know without a doubt I want to never see or talk to her again.
Question-GAL part-I find nothing fun. I can't watch a movie (can't sit still long enough), the things I liked to do I don't any more, I am a golf pro and I don't even like golf right now. I can't run (cancer surgury screwed up my legs) so all I am doing is just working right now. Basically from the time I get up until I go to sleep. Dont want to be around friends either. Just feel like I am a caged animal.
I have been focusing on eating-lost 14 pounds last week and I didnt need to lose the weight. I bought some ensure with calories and I am drinking that too. Any help. I just want to be me again but I am so scared that it is going to take forever and I dont want to take the journey. Oh, I am active in the church but we dont have much going on right now.
Oh, told doctor about issues and he put me on a anti-depressant and sleeping pills. Sleeping pills make me drugy but not go to sleep and I still wake up 3 or 4 times a night in a cold sweat thinking about things. I am still jealous and still in shock about the whole ordeal.
M-43\ Xw-whore who cares no kids 1 stepdaughter I will not have R with now D 2005 Reconciled right after, break up, get back togeather ever since Xw-is a pill addict, doesn't work (and cant hold a job if she got one), arrested 5 times last summer.owns nothing and cares about nothing but pills. Her parents told me to run, she is crazy. She told me she was having MLC and told me other stuff was lies but I know that it is not through friends that I know I can trust. I did love her and put up with way to much crap from her. She thinks I am mean and abusive because I would get mad when she pulled a stunt (her word for it).
She is your ex, no one said you had to take her back. I think the first thing you need to do without reading your situation is get to a doctor and also get to a counselor. You need to find something that will provide you a focus which will help you to move forward.
You need to let this person go. Focus on you and getting yo feel better. Go to Newcomers hasn't been easy for me but I will try to read up on your situation.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Hi there, glad you posted. First of all if you lost 14 pounds last week you are not drinking any water at all and barely eating. That has to be your first priority. Not eating and drinking water will cause tremendous anxiety because of the hunger and then you do not feel hungry because of the anxiety. This is why you feel like a caged animal. Second, you sound clinically depressed and should consider seeing a clinical psycologist for depression. I saw a shrink for two years without meds to feel the feelings and then took meds for a while to wrap it up. You may choose that or a different path depending on your diagnosis.
I know something about this subject for sure. Not a psychologust by any means but I did have many years of therapy for depression and I lost a lot of weight very quickly when my x left me. It was horrible and I would not wish it on my worst enemy. I can tell you it is a journey that many have taken to one extent or another.
Do you have to work so much? Is it the only thing you can focus on? If so that's kind of good, an escape of sorts. But it seems to be exhausting you.
Keep this in mind. In times of great stress, many people, like animals, can have a tendency to go into hiding. This is not a bad thing. It can be a normal physiological reaction to events. Be very kind to yourself and try and get enough rest. Eat as much as you can. And do one thing to be nice to yourself, hot baths maybe. Also if you cannot run can you walk? What can you do outside? Can you swim at a gym? Sit in a park?
It will not get magically better but it is a journey worth taking. The payoff is compassion for others and a much better understanding that the fallow times in life can lead onward to nurture the future. You will be ok. It can be hard, the one other thing I can say is get out of the house and out of the work environment and do something completely different. Not easy when you are depressed, you have to plan, focus, execute according to the plan. Then write down your accomplishment and be proud of yourself. Unfortunately you cannot wait to feel like doing things. Like medicine you have to take it first to feel the benefits. A bad analogy and hard when you are depressed but all I can think of.
Since you like movies maybe try to go to one whether you feel like it or not. I mean at a theater. Drive there and go and then see. You don't have to stay!
Good luck and let us know how you are doing. Wonder
I am very depressed. Yes, I filed for divorce in Feb and it is over now. The divorce that is. I am not taking any of her calls, which have been few. I was considering getting back with her last week, she was begging, she stayed a few days and told me how much she wanted the family back, even prayed to God for it, then she went back to drug dealer that she is sleeping with and told me that she loved him. I know that she doesn't love him. That was said to hurt me. I am sick that she is sleeping with many men for pills and i guess self esteem issues. I am smarter now. I will not even listen to a word she has to say and we will never run into each other, different town. I really don't ever have to talk to her again. Which is my plan. She has nothing that I want.
I really can't take her back. I would obsess about the sex with other people. She knows that. I just didn't think she was that morally corupt. I guess alot of people on this board feel the same way. I am sick of this consuming my thoughts and my life. It is all the time. When we where together I thought of the future and all kinds of things that did not involve her at all. Never dreamed about her. Now apart-she is in my mind at all times. Of course, she doesn't know this. I think that she thinks that I still care and want her but she will find out I don't or won't do that again.
