I haven't been on here in awhile I was having a really hard time and I guess just needed to step away. Not sure if I can be of any help to anyone cause lately I am just a mess. Things on my end have just gone from worse to horrible.
I don't know to link my other posts so long story short. We were married 9 years have 2 little boys and in April my H said he didn't love me anymore blah blah blah same crap everyone else has heard. I found out he was texting and talking to an old gf. He moved out in Sept and just 2 weeks ago moved home to England where he is from. He kept telling me he was going to move but I truly never thought he would leave the boys. I have no idea who he is anymore.
He calls them about every day but that is not much is it. I am so angry with him. I am left picking up the pieces and with all the responsiblity while he just runs away. Literally.... He told the boys they could come and visit him this summer. Ummm nope. I am not letting my 2 young kids leave the country without me. Sorry what if he never brought them back? I really have no idea what he is thinking anymore and I can't believe that he choose some woman over his kids. He told me he would never sign divorce papers unless I agreed to let the kids visit him and he would never give me sole custody. But thinks nothing of moving out of the country who does he think is going to be raising them?? I am really so angry with him. Most of the time I think I would never take him back anyway but I miss the man I knew the one who loved his family and his kids not this fool trying to be a 20 year old again.
"""Most of the time I think I would never take him back anyway but I miss the man I knew the one who loved his family and his kids not this fool trying to be a 20 year old again.""
Its very very sad. I sometimes feel sorry for these guys. They are losing their children. We all know that they will regret this one day but by then it will be too late. They will miss so many wonderful memories and times.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
I think that is what bothers me so much about this latest move out of the country I can get over it if he doesn't want to be with me but the boys are never going to get over it. They seem to be handling it ok now but I am not sure they realize how far away he really is. I dont understand why he would want to miss so much of their lives. It isn't even like he will be a part time dad he is going to be no kind of dad. disgustes me.
The only way i can think about it and not get angry is to accept the view that says they must be SO broken to get to the point where the pain of leaving their kids is less than the pain involved in staying.
After he left, my H used to come around regularly and we would eat together, watch movies and go out with the kids. But eventually, he stopped.
He told me that he got to the point where it was just to painful to continue doing things as a family; too painful to come back into our house. He said he had to focus on surviving and the only way to do that was to stop seeing us.
But it's so hard, especially when there is an OP involved (and how convenient that there almost always is). But again, this seems part of the script of the turmoil/sickness.
I feel for you, I really do.
I cling on to the hope that things will get better with time. That's what keeps me going.
One of the things that really has hit me is how little this has seemed to affect my kids. They are 7 and 5. My 7 year old tells me he misses dad and talks about when he will see him but the 5 year old doesn't. Shows me how much in the last year H has just checked out of their lives. He has pushed everyone away his friends his kids. I don't know what is going on in his head and maybe he doesn't either.
This week has been a much better week for me. I have been feeling more postive about my life. Me and the boys without H.
My sister and I are planning a cruise in june. I probably shouldnt be spending the money but I need a break and it works out to be pretty cheap since we are in Florida. I hope the boys will be ok with grandma... don't want them to feel like both parents have left them.
I know that we will be ok without him but I still feel a longing for a the family we had. Probably always will though right?
I have talked to H more this week than I have in ages. I usually just hand the phone off to the kids. Not sure why I have been answering the phone but we have been talking just about the kids or random stuff but he seems less angry with me. He actually talks back. I am trying not to read anything into it but sometimes I hope that means something more. I don't know how I think this can change he is 4000 miles away. I don't think he has found a job, I ask no questions.
Part of me thinks I should just go to the attorney and give him H address in England so we can get this going and the other part just keeps hoping things will change. Everyone in my real life thinks I am crazy and why haven't I had him served yet. I did file in Nov but never had him served. I just can't really give a good reason why.
Off to the movies today with the kids then S7 friend is spending the night. 3 little boys in one house will be a crazy night!!
Paige, glad to hear you are feeling better and doing something for yourself.
I dont think you should be so hard on yourself as to whether or not you file paperwork to D. You are living in reality that your H is 4000 miles away. If filing for D gives you legal & financial protection that you need then you should file. If financial & legal protection are not a big worry right now then take your time. Do what feels right to you.
Just going through this crisis is hard enough. We need to do whatever we can to take it easy on ourselves. Who cares what people think you should do? Just say "yeah ahuh you might be right" and go about your buisness. Do what feels right for you.
---- M 39 H 35 D5,D4 M 4 T 9 ILYBNILWY 5/18/11 Left 7/11/11 Divorced 12/1/13
Soo stupid me decides to look up OW on facebook this am. Who do you think is her profile picture with? the 2 of them smiling away like a pair of fools.
I feel like an idiot once again. Here I am taking care of his kids and he is out having fun like a 20 year old. I feel like someone punched me in the stomach. I was having a good day yesterday I have no idea why I even looked her up. I know that is why he moved there why do I keep making myself feel worse?
