W informed me she is going to go look at two apartments tomorrow. They are both in gated comunities. One is available ASAP. The other is still under construction, and will be ready some time in May. They are both 30 minutes away from our/my current home. Which means 30 minutes away from daycare as well.
I met her with support. It suprised her. This led to her discussing some details of how she thought we could work out time with S, finances, and belongings.
I agreed with finances and belongings as her proposal was fair enough, and I don't have any belongings or money that I can't stand to lose.
Her proposal concerning S was skewed in her favor. She wanted me to have my time during the week, and her to have him Fri thru Mon.
I told her "thanks but no thanks, I will not be spending all of my time waking him up, and putting him to bed. I want weekend time too". She backed down, and we came up with something I can live with. It [censored]. But I can live with it.
So we are having a good Easter otherwise. S is enjoying himself, and W is cooking chicken and dressing. She knows it is my favorite thing she cooks. She made mention that when she cooks it at her new place she will invite me over.
I'm feeling sad, and relieved all at once.
The real pain will come when I have to look into S's eyes and see his sadness, hurt, and abandonment. Poor guy. He's tough, but very sensitive. I will be there for him as best I can. I can't take away that pain though. He will have to deal with that himself... Making me cry.
The real pain will come when I have to look into S's eyes and see his sadness, hurt, and abandonment. Poor guy. He's tough, but very sensitive. I will be there for him as best I can. I can't take away that pain though. He will have to deal with that himself... Making me cry.
Hey Pulpwood
What you've just described here, is exactly what I'm dreading if me and my W have to separate. Unfortunately brother the reality will be so hard, but I've read some of your posts and I know you'll do the best you can for your son and be there for him. He doesn't have to deal with it himself, he can lean on you & your paternal instincts (you'll just know what the right thing is to do for your S, when times are hard)will kick in without you realising it & you'll get through it - both of you!!
My thoughts are with you Pulpwood, there are better days ahead for you, with patience and your resolve, it will guide you to them.
Stay strong.
Bill
Me 34 W 32 D 9 S 6 M: 9 years T: 12 Bomb: 02/11/12 EA/PA: 12/17/11 - ongoing Moved out: Oct 2012 Joint Filed for D: 2/11/13
W put in the application fee for the brand new apt. that will be ready in a few weeks. She took S with her to look at it, as they stayed home together today since daycare was closed.
S said he and Mom went to look at a cool new house. "Wanna come with us Dad?" I just smiled and said he'd have to talk to Mom about that. W explained to him that I would be staying here while she gets everything set up there.
I will check out Workinghardguys thread. I'm sure I've peeked in on it before, but I will read it all now. Thanks labug.
Tomorrow is W's bday. S picked her out a little something and is making her a card right now. I am going to wish her a nice day.
She left to work out of town this morning and will be back in a couple of days.
I'm going to see if S will sing her Happy Bday in the morning.
While we were playing today, he told me that he doesn't want to have some of his toys here and some of his toys at the new house. "Mom told me I could only take a little bit." (I didn't know they had discussed such things) I told him they were his things and he could take whatever he wanted over to the new house. (Me thinking that he wanted to not just take a little bit.) He then says he wants to leave them all here, and he doesn't want Mom to move. I just gave him a hug and told him we didn't have to worry about that today. "Everythings gonna be just fine buddy." We went back to playing within a couple minutes.
Mentally I'm doing well ATM. This thing has taken a toll on me physically. I've lost 20lbs. Two notches on the belt. Anymore than this and I'll start looking sickly.
My prayers are with you brother. I am going through similar situation and will be fighting for custody of my son because of my wife's depression, anxiety, and anger management. We still live together now but she is planning for move out in July.
Keep praying for your wife and your son, as will I for you all.
I am really sorry to hear this PW...I feel for you.
This doesn't necessarily mean the end...there was a poster here named CAW or KAW who were physically separated and they made it after a while, if I am remembering correctly...sometimes the physical separation gives the amount of space needed to see things differently...I know at some times last Oct/Nov/Dec W almost moved out...Jan I almost kicked W out...maybe it would have helped move things faster as I couldn't be blamed for W's unhappiness as easily any more, or maybe it wouldn't have helped....IDK...
You know what you have to do for you and your son, and I know you will...
T^2
In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer. - Albert Camus
Uncertainty is the very condition which impels people to unfold their powers.-Eric Fromm
Thank you for sharing your story. I am completely scared to death about telling my children that their parents are separated (or even worse). I am sorry you are going through this and wish for your dream outcome to become reality.
I have been DBing... I supose. Although I don't think she is coming any closer to working on us, I feel fine.
Basically no contact or talk other than S. We are still sharing the same house. I listen with interest if she shares a tidbit about her day, and then go on about my life. I have not heard any more about moving out, but I don't think she has changed her mind at all.
I am not sure if my LRT is doing anything. But then again, it is a last resort. And not garaunteed to do jack. Maybe, helps save face and dignity.
I have been unconcerned and quite upbeat. I wonder why she continues to be so depressed with her tone toward me on the phone or in person. So strange to me. Quite monotone and without any emotion the majority of the time. Why not just be normal?
I have faced the fact that our M is over. Perhaps maybe, just maybe, there is the slightest chance for a new R between us in the future. I am no longer holding my breath.
W and S recently took a trip back home to see relatives. I couldn't make it bc of work obligations. She spent a little time with my family while gone. And I don't think she broke any D news to her people. Her dad and I talked on the phone yesterday and he just wanted to brag about was the nice catfish he was catching.
S is doing pretty well. He has become a little more clingy lately. It is uncharacteristic for him bc he has always been so independent and very sure of himself. I can't help but think it has to do with our sitch and W spending lots of time away from home.
