25!

[Eryam]

25,

I think I'm in trouble.

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...098#Post2236098

[25yearsmlc]

just got this (wish we had a better way of knowing when someone was reaching out. Someone in the alt universe contacted me)

So I'll go to the thread and catch up and post soon, like by tomorrow if not tonight. Of course I just found this and it's 1 in the morning.

Hang in there, we all know anger can be our enemy.

Remember that phrase,

"If you hold onto anger to punish someone else, it's like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes."

Don't burn yourself up. Do you have a T to help you with it?

ANY Chance you yourself can attend a workshop called Essential Experience? Check out their website. It's a PROFOUNDLY transforming, life changing experiential workshop I cannot recomment highly enough.

I did it decades ago as a participant, then went back as a "Team" member, a few times. Have had dozens of friends and family go and they got a LOT out of it. All but one of 21, loved it. The one who didn't?

MY own MOTHER...but kudos to her for going, she was in her 70s!

All I know (b/c I could not stay in there when SHE was doing it, good God...) was that she wores sunglasses the entire EVENING that intimacy was discussed.

Anyhow, I attended EE for MY own issues. My alcoholic dad gave me a lot of baggage I had not realized affected me as an adult, I became a criminal defense attorney the a few months after my first child was born, and those were huge adjustments for me...

H and I were in a good place and before the workshop I'd have given our marriage an A- (back then) but later on I realized how much closer we could be.

Upon my return, h saw such a change in me, that a few months later HE went...which is not his style or thing at all.

THEN, our we realized how much deeper our m had gotten

and for 20 years that workshop got us through so much...even now I think without it, I would not have bothered to do ANY work on our m when H had his MLC. I just would have assumed it was over and moved on.

But when you think over a period of time, that you are with your soul mate, you don't want to throw that way so fast - even if they are being a jerk.

and EE is for individuals...of course that means marriages are improved too. I never saw a marriage that did not benefit.

But like my old sitch, some of your "stuff" isn't your h's..some of it is dragging you down and it's not all on him. That's why I think it may help you AND the m...like I said check out their website. (A lot of therapists attend it, btw.)

Otherwise as a couple is there any way you guys can attend Retrovaille? That is the marriage weekend retreat (and it has a follow up program) for marriages in trouble. The word is French and means "rediscover" or "re-visit", depending on context. I can see both applying.

We attended that. We THOUGHT we had the tools we needed already, and had fixed our selves but when my mil got cancer about 3 months into piecing,

and we knew it was terminal, and I quit MY JOB to care for her....

we began to backslide. I thought Retrovaille would be a "helpful weekend away" but it was actually a lot more than that. There are "guide couples" there (my term)

and their problems will make yours pale in comparison ( I mean problems such as losinb a child AND having an affair, or gambled away their house, etc)

but there they are, at Retrovaille helping couples see that you CAN save a marriage that is deep in crisis. Many of the couples there were calling it quits but that weekend got them to put all that on hold. 3 years later I think 2 of the couples of the 25 are still married, and considering why they went, that ain't bad. Typically they have 82% of m's still intact 2 years after their weekend.


Hold on...ttys

((( )))

[25yearsmlc]

ps

I'll post on the link you sent