I am just over 3 months post WAH, and from what I have read 3.5 years post Bomb #1. WAH (12/10/11) was basically Bomb #3. Of course, like most, I did everything wrong, and continued to do that for the better part of the past 3 months. My husband filed on 3/5/12, I was served on 3/19, and saw my attorney to prepare response last week. The scariest, and possibly most hopeful, thing I have recognized is that my husband is definitely in the midst of an MLC. He is full blown in "replay" mode right, and based on the symptoms and history, he started that some time in 2010. I would say one trigger was his father's death in 2007, definitely some unresolved family issues, and then some serious financial problems in the past 1.5-2 years - and BOOM! WAH. I do mean Walk AWAY. He's checked out on everything in our lives - daughter, pets, house, yard, marriage - EVERYTHING.
I have very recently, and unknowingly, started the "last resort". Now that I have read this, as well as the 180, I am going to do my best to stick to it.
I noticed a comment on another newcomer's story of "Divorce = space". Is this really true you think? Even if they have actually filed for divorce? Do you really think this could still possibly be just a drastic move to get the space they were not receiving? I wouldn't say that I didn't give him physical space - he moved out for Pete's sake. But, whenever we communicated, I spent that time trying to reason with him, trying to understand what in the HECK was going on, crying, begging, apologizing ad nauseum, and turned everything into a talk about our relationship.
I have ordered DR which should come this week. I guess I really would love to hear that if I back off, give him some actual space - physical and emotional - that maybe he will at least put a halt to the divorce proceedings until clearer heads can prevail - even it all ends up the same anyhow.
That is a possibility and would be what I would advise. Detach and give space. Start LRT. Stop pursuit. Use your time wisely. Believe none of what he says and half of what he does. Have no expectations.
Since he has already given you a gift of TIME, I will not mention it again.
I'm in a similar sitch w/ my H. He could be MLC's poster child! They really are so destructive and hurtful - not at all the person I knew and loved.
I'm almost 2 months since WAH, and have been reading how long Replay can take, it is daunting. However, as I'm sure you're reading now, it's not about him anymore. You have to do things for yourself now. Regardless of your future, your marriage as you knew it is over. Hopefully he wakes up in time to correct his mistakes, but if not you still have to be the best you you can be.
Good luck to us all!
Me: 42 H: 44 M: 17 1/2 T: 19 1/2 S: 14 D: 10 D: 8 Dog: 16-17 (very old & H's responsibility, live w/ me) 1st Bomb (I need space): 2/3/12 2nd Bomb (ILYBNILWY): 2/11/12 Moved out: 2/12/12
