JB, I think you did great and I agree it is a good time to call a coach. It is always a good time to pray and stay calmly centered. Remember your values, remember your imperative.
I know I am being a bit of a wet blanket, none the less as you pointed out prepare for a pull back. She opened herself up and became vulnerable most people put up a hard front and work to convince themselves they are right and safe after doing so.
Should she pull back it can become vicious. Do not rise to the bait. Remain calm, centered, be who you are.
As for the financial stuff. Wasn't most of that supplied for the tax prep?
BITS Me 55, ACK, when did that happen? Doesn't feel like 55 D 30 S 27
You create your own universe as you go along - Winston Churchill
All very good advice. You're right. I need to stay focused on my values and imperative, and stay true to who I am.
Originally Posted By: JustStunned
As for the financial stuff. Wasn't most of that supplied for the tax prep?
Yes, a portion of it was. As a matter of fact, since we filed jointly this year, I have some of her stuff because I have traditionally taken care of those type of things.
All in all, if that were me, I'd feel pretty good about that conversation... I mean, feeling good without EXPECTATIONS and all that, but really, I think you handled that REALLY well, and her reaction certainly didn't seem overtly negative...
Me: 36 Her: 35 Together 7/09 Married 8/7/10 Separate rooms since at least April 11 "I've decided I want a divorce" 12/5/11 She moves out of state/files 2/7/12 Dissolution final 5/12
JB, it's about time. I was beginning to think she had darn near lost her mind if she couldn't see what a good man...no make that a great man she was losing.
I'm actually not all that surprised (more happy for you than surprised) because we have all seen it written so many times here on DB...that when they truly feel you detaching, when you are truly ready to move on without them and let them go, then and only then will they want to see if you are still there waiting for them.
And only then will they begin to think about coming home.
But you let her know in a very loving way that while the door is still open, that perhaps you might not be waiting for her forever. That you are growing and she is standing still...
I think she does want to join you in that growth. I think she is intrigued by your changes but she is afraid.
You know what to do so no advice needed. Just keep doing what you've always done. Be strong, loving and patient.
As for the "finding herself", okay, I am not a fan of that expression. Grown-ups don't need to find themselves. If she looks on her marriage license or on her driver's license or asks her son, she will know exactly who she is. Okay, don't tell her any of that but seriously, finding oneself is not hard. It's usually the person wearing your shoes.
All in all, if that were me, I'd feel pretty good about that conversation... I mean, feeling good without EXPECTATIONS and all that, but really, I think you handled that REALLY well, and her reaction certainly didn't seem overtly negative...
Thanks, Kolja. I agree. There are not really expectations. Again, I think the primary thing is I felt like I was able to state where I stand, where I'm going, who I am, and what I believe in. If my W doesn't want to be a part of that, then that will definitely be her choice.
If she looks on her marriage license or on her driver's license or asks her son, she will know exactly who she is. Okay, don't tell her any of that but seriously, finding oneself is not hard. It's usually the person wearing your shoes.