All kinds of proof and H won't admit OW exists. Is this normal? It's very frustrating to me.."just admit it" I want to tell H. Take some responsibility for your "alien like" actions! By not admitting it, does it make them feel less guilty? I can't mentioned my "suspicions" without H becoming angry and irrational! (which causes H to go further into tunnel) so, I have to sit back and ignore the facts. He said he left home to "reflect" BS! Can't reflect with OW distractions! We were separated 1 year for work- only seeing each other on weekends. So he is use to not seeing much of us. Also, before H left he said he felt like a big white elephant in his own home. With this being said, what are some "180" changes I can put into place?
As hard as it is..try to let it go-- of the ow Dont ask him..Let it go..dont ask..dont snoop..she is nothing just a bandaid..the mlcer is sick, The OW is sicker
Instead make small talk, act like "PRETEND" you are doing OK make some plans with a friend Get support for yourself wish him well when he leaves.. support and validate him Then the MLCer feels less controlled..he feels accepted and he becomes easier to deal with he talks a little You become friendly and the seperation becomes amlicable which is best for everyone The LBS grows in powerful ways by doing this It is a huge time in our lives for change, growth and transformation.. Practice detaching..it is hard, but holding on is harder so in the end , it is the easier way There is NOTHING you can do to stop his MLC, nothing to break up his R with OW, Nothing to bring him into reality right now Im sorry..I know it is hard, but there is no other way
Please take care of yourself, eat , rest, seek therapy you will be ok..It just takes time..keep posting
Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
peace has given you excellent advice. You can only control what you say or do. Your h is on his journey of discovery and that may take a very long time.
It is very normal for them not to admit having an op even when you have the evidence to prove your accusations. Unfortunately, the more you talk about her, the more he will deny it and yes, he will protect her no matter what. I will caution you on one thing...stop brining her up because the more you do, the more determined he will be in his justification that he was right to hook up w/her. He will be more determined to be w/her and believe me...they are very stubborn. The affair will need to die a natural death. A death that only they can perform.
I'm sorry you are going through this, but you are going to have to dig deep for patience to deal w/his crisis. However, the most important thing is to take care of yourself, watch your finances/assets and determine when it is time to separate your checking/savings accounts and your joint credit cards. I would suggest that you begin looking at all of those items now because if the op is now in the picture, your h is going to start spending like tomorrow will never come.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
