Thank you Rick and Autumn Leaves for your support! I really need it!
One thing that I now realised is that once I completely let go of my worries regarding my M, I felt happier. I am stronger and no longer attached to my mobile phone waiting him to call me! I am really happy for this!
Me: BW 30 Him: WH 31 T 12 years, M 3.5 No kids OW 27 single ex co-worker
Bomb: 13/07/2011 S: 13/07/2011 - 16/09/2011 H came Home 16/09/2011 Dday: 01/10/2011 H left again 23/11/2011
I haven't talk to my husband since 13/03/2012. So it's been officially a week since we talked. I feel much better. I am not attached to by mobile phone waiting for him to call.
I have changed my routine at the gym (have been attending to classes for 4 years, now I workout using weights). This has helped me meet new people. It boosts my confidence as well! I now know that I am still attractive and that whatever comes I will be fine. Just one day at a time...
I do not want to date anyone new, I am just feeling empty inside. I miss companionship... This is my greatest fear. I am afraid that I will jump in a new relationship just to fill that gap...
For the last few days I am staying at my parents' and it has helped me... I need to find myself again.
Yesterday I have realised that I have never lived an adult life by myself. H and I were always together... So now is the time to focus on myself. Focus on what I want to do...
Regarding GAL I am planning of starting wind surfing lessons! I have tried once 6 months ago and I think I will follow that sport... I am arranging outings with my friends and enjoying myself. I am still attending to italian lessons.
Well, that's it... back to work
Me: BW 30 Him: WH 31 T 12 years, M 3.5 No kids OW 27 single ex co-worker
Bomb: 13/07/2011 S: 13/07/2011 - 16/09/2011 H came Home 16/09/2011 Dday: 01/10/2011 H left again 23/11/2011
I have been gone from the board for a while. I will return during the weekend to write my update (although nothing major happened - still in NC mode from both sides).
I have a question though... H's birthday is approaching. Do you believe I should send him a text message or an email wishing him happy birthday? Or will this ne considered as pursuing?
Me: BW 30 Him: WH 31 T 12 years, M 3.5 No kids OW 27 single ex co-worker
Bomb: 13/07/2011 S: 13/07/2011 - 16/09/2011 H came Home 16/09/2011 Dday: 01/10/2011 H left again 23/11/2011
I have a question though... H's birthday is approaching. Do you believe I should send him a text message or an email wishing him happy birthday? Or will this ne considered as pursuing?
I haven't post for a long time. There is no update in my sitch, I haven't spoken to my H since 13/03. No contact at all. I am trying to GAL as much as possible. This is having results, as some close frineds that I met last weekend commented on how good I look and that I seem happy and toned. I am trying my best to keep the positive attitude. Sometimes I cry, mostly while driving back home. I am still living with my parents. I try to seem happy in front of them, as I do not want them to be sad for me. I am constantly thinking the "faking until you make it" DB principle... Last week I slipped and I snooped into my H's bank account. I know it is against DB principles... So go ahead, tell me what you have to tell me... I have been making great efforts not to snoop or stalk him. I must say that I have managed to reduce this, but I am still not happy with myself as there are still times that I snoop... This is the one thing noted in my calendar that I need to address. So, back on my findings, I have seen some strange charges and money tranfers to emails of small amounts. On the notes he was adding a website with a nickname. I typed the website address and this is a website for cyber sex, where people connect their web cameras and they broadcast live what they do... I searched for the username in the paypal notes and I realised that my H has an account on that site... He even has pictures (showing only his naked body - no face, but I can identify my H's body 100%). I was shocked and devastated. This activity has been going on since 01/2011. Maybe earlier, I do not know... He even broadcasts himself... I then googled this nickname and I have found that he has subscriptions on many websites. Websites for cybersex, websites where people subscribe for one night stands, etc... I am really devastated. How can I be so naive? Was I such a fool? I was trusting him 100%... I never searched his things/mobile phone/etc... For how long has he been doing this? Is he a sex addict? I do not know what to do... Why am I such a fool? I have found these terrible things and I still feel sorry for him. I want to help him. Even if we do not end together, I want to help him... I know that I cannot fix him... But is there anything I can do? Please please help me, I am desperate...
Me: BW 30 Him: WH 31 T 12 years, M 3.5 No kids OW 27 single ex co-worker
Bomb: 13/07/2011 S: 13/07/2011 - 16/09/2011 H came Home 16/09/2011 Dday: 01/10/2011 H left again 23/11/2011
What exactly are you hoping to do? Get him to stop with the online sex/webcam activities or get him to admit to you that he has taken part in these activities? What kind of help are you hoping to get for him? I think once you know what it is you want, getting advice will be easier.
