I enjoyed the Sashiko class. The instructor, although quite elderly, was very professional. She also gave use each a nice gift and made us pumpkin mochi. And taught a nice class.
I greatly enjoy the fellowship of sewing with my fellow quilters. They are lovely women. Something about ladies who sew, they just are nice. And again, I was practising my listening more than I talked new skill. Funny how much more sewing I got done!
She doesn't drive anymore and her SIL never showed up to take her home. I took her home after we waited 45 minutes. She was telling me about her life, and she seems to have had fun.
When I am eighty something I want to look back and think I've done the right things!
And thank my lucky stars for this site and the folks who are here supporting each other.
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I wanted to come back to the posting about the ow sending you the text. She did that so that you would get angry and either tell your h about it or text her back in an angry tone. Ignore the message and just think of her as a bee trying to sting you. The op like to stir the pot up when they feel that nothing is happening in the way of fighting, etc., between the spouses. Continue not taking the bait from either one.
So, what is on your agenda today?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Don't you just love the way the MLCer and OP talk to each other, When I got my 'misdirected' text it was full of 'miss you soooo much' 'muah, muah muah' and 'baby' etc etc .
Fortunately nothing like the language or sentiments she ever used towards me (or I might have had to put my fingers down the back of my throat!! Because I am not 15 years old.)
Jus remember these are ridiculous people acting in a childish manner. Don't rise to it. When I got my text I just said 'thanks, nicest text you ever sent me.'
I think I would be better off without a fancy phone right now! LOL
Trying to stay clear of the OP crap. I know she is stirring the pot. I just wish she would leave me alone.
I have a quilt guild meeting to prepare for tonight. But just got that famouse call "Surfs UP!" So I'm packing up my board and headed up to Barbers Point!
I wanted to go to the gym today, but surfing is a much more fun workout!
And it will wear me out and help me sleep better tonight.
Thanks All!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
Didn't get to surf, darn it. I ended up staying home and working on washing cars and getting stuff ready for the quilt guild meeting.
My H continues his frenzied working on getting the house ready to list. I have been trying to help him, though it is hurting me to see how darn happy he seems to be moving on in his life.
I am putting on a happy face and just trying to step along. Since we do need to sell the house.
One of my quilting friends works at a law firm. She got some names of lawyers for me. I know many think I should be waiting and letting him file first. But with the house sale and total confusion about how much money I may or may not have, I think I need to take steps and protect myself.
And protecting myself may well involve filing and figuring out what I will have. Just writing about it makes my stomach hurt.
On that happy note I am going to go out and pressure wash something, so H can paint it when he gets home. He is also painting like a maniac without approval from out homeowners association. I brought it up to him, and he ignored me.
So when someone reports it and we get a nasty letter from the association I am going to have to laugh. He really doesn't think rules apply to him anymore!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
'Normal rules' do not seem to apply to MLCers, like asking permission. It is part of their grandiosity and general detachment from what the rest of us see as reality. That is, that actions have consequences, and we have to live with those.
Over filing. I know that the conventional wisdom is that we let them do the work. I did and it wasn't a smart move financially for me, and I am not sure it did anything emotionally for either of us. As for work - well beyond filing there is a ton of work on both sides in a divorce, if there are any assets. .
I know that those who reconcile say wait, but the fact is that most of us don't reconcile, and we have the rest of our lives to live. Those of us who are older do not have many more years to sort ourselves out financially, so financial security is important. My xh has been in MLC now for almost 7 years and shows not a sign of coming out. And you could not have had a more loving husband and caring father than he was. I am not trying to be a downer, and we all have to decide for ourselves, but I truly believe that very few make it through MLC who have it badly enough for us to come to these boards. I suspect the figures we see are based on those who have a fling but never mean to jeopardise all they have. Certainly the friends whose h's had a mild MLC were nothing like my xh in their intensity, and total change of personality.
The good news is that I can now look back on the good times, love my husband unconditionally and let him go, and get on with my life. Which is why I don't post much, but I do still read along, and feel such compassion for all who are going through this. It is tough, bewildering, and we often wonder where we will end up. The only answer I can give is 'better than OK'. Some get together long term with another person, but many of us stay single. I have come to relish my freedom, and build a network of friends.
Beatrice, you are so right that MLC'ers seem to think that because they are so important that rules no longer apply. My H is such a rule follower, so he broke a different set of rules: that of social conduct. I remember once he brought a group of us to a restaurant without asking if we were hungry or what we wanted, and nobody got out of the car, and he got so frustrated with us! He also would not RSVP to invitations or make reservations as he always seemed to want to have the "freedom" to change his mind, or even buy plane tickets on time, then get mad if availability is gone, as though it was the fault of the restaurant or airline! Now that he is slowly getting out of the tunnel, his behaviour is going back to normal, although he still has his moments.
I do think that the best thing that being part of the DB family is that you come to realize that no matter how this saga ends, you will be OK. I am one of those whose H has never left, but I saw him through all the different phases of his MLC and the internal struggles he had, how he tried to rationalize and justify, and if I had not learned to detach, I would have ran far away long ago.
Wendy, I agree you know whats best for you, and how to protect yourself. It does seem like your H's train is off at high speed, don't get involved in the wreck.
I do believe that if you are really for each other, things will happen such that it will be restored.
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
Thanks friends! I feel like I am living with a bi-polar person. Or maybe a split personality.
He goes from treating me like his servant, to nicely thanking me for buying him the vitamins he was out of.
I am trying to keep my changes going. I'm trying not to get sucked into the nasty meaness. Most of all I'm trying to move on with my life. I don't want a man who has choosen to "LOVE" a woman who is so mean and scary.
One of my problems is I feel he is just so gone, there is nothing I can do about it. I don't feel separated. I feel used.
He is going to be gone for a week. I was thinking about rearranging the house. Taking back my bedroom, moving myself into the other half of the house, and letting him have the family room and TV and chairs he likes best. And the guest bedroom.
I don't feel like I have any privacy where I am. I have no place to go be alone when I want it. I miss my old bedroom. When I go to sleep at night I feel like I am in a temporary place. I am in fact sleeping in the bed he plans to take with him when we divorce. I don't like that.
I want to put all the stuff that will be "His" in the guest room. I want to sleep in my bed, with my dresser, my nightstand. He says we are separated. Only in his head. I think some of the physical stuff needs to be separate. I don't think he knows what separated really means.
We did have a funny exchange about a week ago. He made some comment about how it was his night to sleep with the dogs. I simply said I thought the dogs should sleep with me, as they were my dogs.
He hasn't said another word, and has left the dogs with me every night since.
Today is yoga class and pay boat rent. I also need to go do papaerwork to get my son's insurance updated.
Oh what fun! I hope everyone has a nice day!
Me 57 XH 58 Sons age 32 & 27 M:32 D final 9/12 Bought 10 Acres and Living the Dream!
I was thinking about rearranging the house. Taking back my bedroom, moving myself into the other half of the house, and letting him have the family room and TV and chairs he likes best. And the guest bedroom.
So just to be clear here, you are metaphorically kicking him out?
