I am trying to do GAL activities that are "kid friendly" things that we have been wanting to do for a long time. Always ask the W if she wants to join along.
Don't invite her along... at least not every time. Do it sparingly if at all. When she says no or doesn't come along it triggers guilt in her. She then resents you for creating and triggering this guilt. If she wants to come along she will.
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When does one know when they should/can/ever expect their partner to help with the work and eventually the M?
There's an unofficial belief on the board that it's one month for every year of marriage. So yeah... you've got a looong road I'm afraid. And that's only a best guess and only for those that get a recon in the end.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Ahhh... then I'd say doubly so... you need to build a bond with your kids on top of this R mess going on. The kids are 10 and 6... they WILL go, albeit you might have to make them. But if it's fun and interesting then once they're there they'll like it and it will work.
I see your 180 list has dad stuff in it, that's good... I'd make finding your inner-dad a top priority.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
And it is my Birthday tommorro Happy Birthday... have not told the kids and do not expect anything from her. I wish you had told the kids so they could experience giving...but instead, since it's too late for that now,
why not invite them to a mini-celebration of your own? Go to a movie or dinner or at least ice cream, and tell them they are the "best gifts" you could ever have, etc...
don't bother inviting w unless you feel awkward not doing so...
This way YOU Take charge of the day--it's the start of you GAL and not basing your happiness on what she does or does not do.
One birthday I openly pre-planned to go skydiving b/c---b/c I always wanted to. I found a place 20 min from here!
That week , h decides he wants to join in (lots of excitement was building) and so does oldest d...(D jumping actually scared me way more than mine)
It was MY day and it went just how I wanted it to go & I really could not be disappointed.
I was surprised h joined b/c he's not usually the type. But we all enjoyed it & it was bonding too.
Given the stances, treating it as just another day with my WAS/MLC W.
Expect nothing from her, but you will NOT feel good if you deny yourself any & all celebration...it's too much martyrdom you are teaching the kids.
And it's a fun thing for the kids too...heck, if you are a cake eater (I mean literally ) then get a cake & eat it--sharing of course. Hope your son feels better.
If he doesn't, then use his illness as a reason to DELAY/PLAN your birthday activities this weekend or when he's better. Plan WITH the kids as if it is their party too.
Be in charge of your day/life/happiness...this is an opportunity to show CHANGE in you, FOR you.
Make sense?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Wow what a night. W came home and did not feel good so took shower and laid down on couch. S10 asks mom if we all can watch "Real Steal." She was reluctant but agreed. D6 then cuddled with me on the rocking chair and fell fast asleep.
We have not had a family movie night in years. Very good movie and yes I even cried at the end. First time things were relaxed in awhile. Took D6 to bed when movie was over and thanked W for spending time with us. Could not complain.
I would not thank her again. It will seem as if you are highlighting the evening in a way that says "Look, see? We CAN have FUN!!"
Let her figure that out. The more memories you create now, the better for the children (THE priority of yours now)
and
gives her more to miss so when her head clears, IF it does, those are the feelings that surface in her.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Kids are very attached to W at this point. They will not go if mommy does not go.
SIW
As you build a stronger r with your children, that should change. For now, make it a "temporary" thing like "Mom has to work/doesn't feel well" and take them FUN places...often.
As for the GAL activities, they are not really about your kids. I mean they are for YOU as an individual mostly. If you need to build on the r's with your kids (and you said you do so I believe you) then do that.
But for some GAL you need to leave the house and be gone somewhere w does not know of
and
meet NEW people...not all men if possible.
I am not suggesting you date. But I think a little mystery can be a great thing.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Well let's hope next years birthday is better than todays. W said HB and told the kids it was my birthday. Still homw today with my S10.
Things have been going good regarding the morning conversations I have had with my W. Once the night hits however, they don't exist and she clams up.
I was stupid, but I texted her and asked her if I wanted to leave. She called and stated that she pulls back from me because if she does not I will take it to mean that things are ok again. She has not changed her feelings (it has been a week).
I told her that there would have to be so much more than a series of conversations for things to be better between us. She then told me that she was looking to leave with occupancy by 5/1. The conversation the went to that if one of us does this the house is gone.
) then get a cake & eat it--sharing of course. Hope your son feels better.