I don't love you anymore, but we can still be friends, was what I was told. I am a married man 36 years old married for 11 years to 35 year old wife. We have been together for 15 years. We have a S10 and D6. I am a L and work for a company that demands long work hours, but pays very well. W was not in good spirits this last weekend so I tried to do stuff with the kids to give her some time alone, since she was snapping on me and the kids. It wasn’t anything out of the ordinary typical sibling quarrels.
In 2010 W stated she was unhappy, but was willing to go to a MC. Back then rather than giving her the space she requested I was smothering her. In addition, the issues then were my long work hours and lack of help with the family. When we both talked it was agreed that I would adjust my schedule so that I would be there with the family by dinner and help with the kids. To this day I have stuck to being home by dinner and don’t regret doing so. A looming issue has been finances, when they are brought up I snap on the W.
2011 was a rough year for the family, close family friend was killed, and my W lost her job she was very passionate about. I was not concerned with her finding new employment which she did in September. With the new job I am now responsible for getting the kids ready and to school, something she has done for the last 5 years. In addition, since she is working full time I have also started doing all the laundry and domestic chores. I have to admit that I like doing these things since it lets my mind wonder.
W is a nurse so I don’t call her while she is working since I never know the schedule and like to give her some room. On her way home from work Monday I asked her what was wrong and she stated that she felt trapped and that she wanted her space, I have been smothering her. Once I took this in I came to this website and printed Sandi’s 37 rules. Following rule number 1, but it is hard as I will be the first to admit I am impatient and a “fixer.”
Wednesday Night she told me that she doesn’t love me and does not know how to fix that. I listened to her and said that I did not know what to do either. She then advised the she had a consultation with a L on 3/26. As a L myself I know the impact this will have on the family and the finances.
W took of the wedding ring and has listed herself as separated on F/B. Then blasted the news on F/B. I then took myself off of F/B. I am now sleeping in the spare bedroom. I am doing the best I can to interact with the W and kids (playing with them when I get home from work) and the kids have remarked that “they like the new Daddy.” W believes that this is a temporary thing and that it will pass. I say nothing when she says that and simply tell the kids I am enjoying spending time with them. This is a 180 for me because I have not been putting the effort to entertain them after I came home from work. I will admit that last 6 months have been rough on the job and I have been taking it out on the family. The last few days have made me reflect on what I need to do to become a better parent and partner.
I told her on Wednesday night that I would leave the house since it appears there is no hope of saving the R, and she became hysterical, telling me that I had to stay for the kids. I did go out for a walk and then decided to stay at the house. Honestly, I could not afford an apartment and the house note. There is a possible option of staying with relatives. This morning I got the kids ready for school and there was some light banter between us. Nothing more than small talk. Both of us have not been sleeping nor eating that much. I took the kids to their room and played with them before she left for work.
Was told by the W that her and the kids would be staying at a friend’s house this weekend. I am looking at this weekend to have some time for myself and hoping to catch up on some much needed sleep.
I am trying to take this day by day, I have read the DB and a lot of posts on this site. With this consultation looming with the L, I am feeling that I have to fix the problems with the R before then. Realistically I know this is not possible and my head hurts trying to comprehend all of this stuff. Is W too far gone to reconcile?
