We spent a great weekend as a family. He initiated all the outings and we did great. Got along great, etc etc. Problem is I'm not interested in him. Weird, I know.
Yesterday on our way to the mall he told me how he wants to get more tattoos. Aside from the eagle on his back that the wingspan goes from one shoulder to the other, he wants our kids baby portraits on each shoulder. AND he was considering getting one on his chest. TALK ABOUT ACTING LIKE A TEENAGER DURING THIS TIME!!
In the 5 yrs we were together he NEVER mentioned a tattoo!?!?!?
After that I noticed other things he did that bothered me. I feel like a prude but I'm not attracted to this side of him. How do I look past it when this is all I see? Maybe it's a good thing? I will focus less on him n mr on me...
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Great topic! Hmmm, this springs a few words to mind for me... Let's see
Release for time served Elation Joy Freedom Happiness Peace New beginnings
Caveat being I am not having the best day today... lol
me 38 W 30 T 3 M in 05/2010 Separated 08/2011 Stephchildren (all hers) SS17, SS12, SD8 I filed 8/27, she countered I filed response 9/5 Anxiously waiting on the judge!
The real H is still there somewhere and if he does his work, he'll return to that person. At that point, you'll be able to remember why you fell in love with him, and all the history that u share...
He brought up today that he wants to take S3 to downtown Disney. I said, he will love that. You guys will have a good time. Then he said, well if your not busy you can join us. I really don't remember what I said but inside I thought, oh another invitation, nice.
Funny thing is, I don't think I want to go... I'd rather go to brunch w my friends...
I mean, I don't have anything planned but I'd rather do a GAL activity than go w him n the kids. What's going on w me???
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
V- I went through a phase where I lost interest and couldn't imagine getting back together w/ my WAW. I think it is a pretty normal stage for the LBS.
This helped me detach which is good but I think you need to just take it in stride and be patient. I still have doubts and concerns but our sitch's are far from stagnant and the dynamics continue to change so I am giving myself time to see how we progress and where we potentially will end up.
He came over after the gym tonite. He hasn't done that for a while for xyz reasons. Nevertheless he came. He helped get S3 ready for bed. He even hung out for a bit after. He usually doesn't do this.
I went about my business. Cleaned the kitchen. When it was time for him to leave my son yelled at him from the front door-daddy! I forgot to give you a hug and a kiss!! H gets off the car n came back. Then S3 said, I'm going to watch daddy leave from the window.
5 min later he calls, "please don't have S3 watch me leave. It's hard enough" (wowowowowow!!). I laughed n said it wasn't my idea.
Omg! Tin man has a heart!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
This is so hard. He came over to pick up the kids. He actually moved the dental appt he had for today so that I could go to happy hour. Turns out, my friend will be here too late for us to get to happy hour before he gets here with the kids. He needs to bring D7mos back before she needs to nurse. This got me emotional because he can go out whenever he wants and here I am, his free babysitter!
He reminded me about how we will now work out the bills. This is the first month we go back to separate accounts and separate bills. Oh my god, this hurts all over again!
Then he suggests I use a week of the timeshare because it's already paid for. I don't want to go on vacation with our kids without him! I'm not ready for that!
Ok, I need to detach! He is no longer my family. My family consists of myself and my kids. I will soon be able to go to happy hour, dinners, movies, etc once my daughter is a little older. This is not a crisis, but a problem. Problems can be solved. ok, I'm not convinced....
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
He came over again this morning. It's now a new routine. He fed S3 breakfast and watched D n S while I showered. He said he'd come to pick up S3 to take him to the movies.
This was great, right? Well I think I'm premenstrual cuz all I saw was negative stuff. He got to here late this morning and wanted to rush off to the gym cuz his guy friend was waiting for him. (I immediately think OW is waiting for him or he spent the night w her which is why he got here late)
As I write this I'm telling myself- DETACH!!!! Sever those emotional ties and DETACH!!! But when I'm PMSing it's hard!!!
Also last nite he had invited me to go to the movies w him n S n now he acts like I wasn't invited. So I need to remember NO EXPECTATIONS!!!!
Wait a second!! Wasn't I just saying a few days ago that I'd rather do GAL activities than go out w him??? Am I bipolar or something??? (that's a rhetorical ques). but seriously what is with me?? I should wear a flip flop on my head! Ugh!
Ok this journaling helped...
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
