Marriage at the brink?

[Truegritter]

The way I see it I have to some how tease out the true feelings I have for my W from what is expected of us as a married couple. I mean Western society looks at a married couple as a stable reproductive unit, which is dependent on sex. Unless both spouses agree that they will seek additonal sexual partners, i.e. open marriage...acquiring a lover without such a mutual agreement, is in my mind, a breach of "contract".

A violation of which I would agree would be terms for for your discord. The deeper side?

This is not just about f@cking is it?

Not to most of us anyway.

What is it for you? What is the mystery for you?

Would I not be a fool if I trusted her again without a full apology and a promise that she would never do such a thing again?

you would be a fool only if you accepted her back without believing it in whatever form it comes.

[horsewnoname]

A violation of which I would agree would be terms for for your discord. The deeper side?

The deeper side I imagine would be that she lied about how she felt about the marriage since early October 2011 (she said it was OK...essentially mislead me). Then dropped the bomb on me a second time this January. And then instead of working with me and our MC she simply quits (which is her habit...things get tough - quit), though she continues to go, playing an act (?), has an affair (multiple affairs?), admits to what she did, and then moves out. She has treated me like a piece of property that she is bored with and tossed aside. I guess I believe she has utterly disregarded me as a human being. So no it isn't just about sex.

What is it for you? What is the mystery for you?

The mystery I guess is: how could she treat me like I was just some toy that she got bored with and toss in the garbage without any empathy for me as a human being? Ten years in a relationship and nine years married, two beautiful little daughters, and she just gives up? I just can't fathom how she could just throw that away!

you would be a fool only if you accepted her back without believing it in whatever form it comes.

I guess the problem is lack of empathy...I don't empathize with her position or her decision to leave, so would I be able to recognize some vague attempt to reconcile if it comes? I don't know. May be I shouldn't worry about it until I've given myself time to heal.

[Truegritter]

She has treated me like a piece of property that she is bored with and tossed aside.

I know how that feels and so do most of the people here.

You have to decide whether you accept that characterization you "think" she thinks of you as your own "truth"

Let's open our eyes wide here Horse.

You know your shortcomings in this mess.

What were they?

Yes she f@cked up and most here would agree that stepping outside the M was not excusable.

So swing away. Smash away. And yourself along with your M.

Self righteousness gets you through the first three months here.

Until you deide to stop being a victim of your wife's choices, you won't make any progress here.

When I asked you about what the mystery is.

I didn't mean figuring out your W's choices.

You may never know that.

I mean why you are here. What your vows meant to you.

What you mean when you say you love someone. Cause this is the hardest test of that don't you think?

I mean why would you after what she has done to you?