Valentines Day, stepchildren, and the LRT

[Broken74]

Hi Folks,

Hope all are faring well in their respective sitch's. If you thrive on ridiculousness and would likely like to feel better about your sitch feel free to review my primary thread lol
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2214349#Post2214349

I am employing the LRT in my sitch (Physically separated late August 11) although I am not doing the greatest job at it as we ended up hanging out last night. Valentines day is by far my wife's favorite holiday, and I am struggling with what to do for it next week, with respect to her and my stepchildren. I know within the bounds of the LRT I should do a 180 and do nothing at all, and as hard as it will be that is probably what I'm going to do. Then I wonder about the stepkids though, I am trying to show that I want to improve on my relationship with them but I still think that doing nothing there is probably the best bet. My wife made the statement that she doesn't want them getting confused given we are in no-mans land right now.

I have been considering the following options, and would be interested on any feedback you guys could offer given the brief synopsis above.

1) Do nothing, for her or my stepkids on Valentines day basically ignore the holiday. This would be an extreme shock to her I think, and probably be the thing to do given how I shot myself in the foot going over the top/allowing her to cake eat during Christmas.
2) Give her a copy of "A Day by the Sea" (assuming it is applicable after I buy and read it today) along with two bookmarks that I got. One being the "Love is patient, Love is blind" scripture that she included in the bible she gave me some time ago. Another talking about the evil that the tounge can do, given that my alcohol induced verbal tirades were one of the key catalysts to where we are now. Give the kids a card, some candy and maybe $10.
3) Give her a copy of "Everday's a Friday" and the above mentioned bookmarks.
4) Write her a short note and include some of the variants from the "What I've learned" post that apply to me.

This is one of those situations where I think I know what I need to do but it is going to be very hard to do it. Just like why I am failing with my LRT, but I have to say our interaction yesterday was positive there is no doubt about that, obviously I am looking too much into that.

So hold fast and do nothing right??? Anybody have any better ideas for Valentines who are in the midst of LRT?

Thanks in advance for any feedback and good luck!

[Broken74]

Yikes and almost forgot!
5) Write a short note and include an invitation to Retrouville in early March taking place in our area.

This is what I want to do to see what her reaction would be... But given the principles obviously I shouldn't do this but it just makes so much sense to me! Aaarrrrghhhh once again :-(

[workinghardguy]

Do nothing. Of all the holidays, this would be the one to do nothing. Let it go... but be prepared that it won't be as much a "shock" to her as you think it will be.

I took my stepkids and son to a pottery shop. My original intention was to have them make something for my W for V-Day. But as I thought it over more I changed it and had them make something for their rooms at the new house. So they could have something of their own that we made together.

SD decided to make something to fit the bathroom decorating theme in the rental house. So I guess it's sort of a gift for W from her, but that was her choice, not mine.

[Broken74]

Thanks WorkingHardGuy, I appreciate the validation and you are probably right if it affects her at all she likely won't make it known to me. Sounds like you had a fun outing with the stepkids :-).

Man as I review the 37 steps of the LRT that I have posted on my bedroom wall, available at my office or more or less anywhere, it continues to be more and more blatantly obvious that I am terribly horrible at employing this technique... And no amount of advice or feedback is going to help with that, for some reason I can't seem to get it through my thick skull... What better time to start again than now!!! lol

[BFloat]

I think if you want to send the kids a little card or something then that might be ok. Migh be nice for them to know you haven abandoned them. As for the W... It's probably best to DO NOTHING. . This valentine's I have zero expectations and it feels really good. I know I won't be disappointed. Instead, I'm planning on focusing on my 2 little valentine's. The best little valentine's possible!!!

[mr mr]

I agree with BF, and plan on the same, also I will make sure the kids Valentine's arrive on the 13thsame so W will know and not have any expectations, which I'm sure she doesn't.

[tenbusrider]

I've been tossing this question around in my head for a couple of days now. I'd love to get her a yellow rose and write her a small letter, but it's all pretty trite ATM. Makes me wonder what I should do when our anniversary rolls around (if we're still M at that point)...

[sandi2]

I say do nothing. And, the stepkids? Nothing!

For gosh sake's never give her a book you want her to read!

4) Write her a short note and include some of the variants from the "What I've learned" post that apply to me.

Are you insane?

You don't have kids of your own. You are one of the few who could really go dark, if you would. Now, that would probably be shock!

[stillhopin]

I too think that doing nothing is probably the best option. In my case though, we have 3 little ones that notice things like that. My middle one proclaimed over Christmas dinner to the extended family that my W didn't get me anything. So they notice. I'm thinking working with them to make sure they're doing something for her, and then just a big box of candy or something with W and kids named. But I'm struggling here also. Would love to do the, I'm sorry, meaningful, I love you card thing but I guess we all know how well that will go over.

[Yogoer]

We might be in different places emotionally, but i have my anniversary the 9th and then V day. I bought an anniversary card a couple of weeks ago and made it a new home in the garbage a couple of days ago. Separated 5 weeks now - not acknowledging either.

Her birthday was last week and i did get her a gift - learned from that mistake - she found a reason to be upset with me for it and the card and offering to see her IF she wanted. Normally i go all out for all 3, which has been pricy for sure but i loved making those days special for her.

180 for me - no gifts, no cards, no calls, no texts. No kids here, so i am taking advantage of the opportunity to go dark. Only communicating about the necessities. I know it won't be easy, but i've been through hell (her too, i am sure), and despite some worries from time to time, i feel better not talking to her or seeing her.

Instead of doing something amazing and special for her this year, i did something special and amazing for me (another 180) - i take off day after our anniversary to live out my dream of becoming a certified yoga teacher. In Costa Rica. With my own funds. Not out of spite - GAL ing and 180ing. I never used to pursue my dreams, so i'm doing it.

You'll make the best choice you can, but i gotta agree, the books and lists will likely backfire.

Peace, love, and my prayers.

Yogoer