Bklyn Queen

[BFloat]

i haven't seen your list of positives in a while..

-you are a great mom
-you have an extreme amount of patience
-you are no longer in limbo and have a better understanding of where you stand (from this you can move forward)
-you have support from family
-H loves the girls and if anyone has the ability to pull his heartstrings, it will be them
-not only are you a great mom, you are an amazing woman
-you are not the fool!!

(((((BK))))

[kolja]

No matter how well prepared you think you are, seeing papers is still a bit of a gut punch. At least it was for me. Hang in there!

[BklynMom]

Why didn't he just file for the big d?? Why I he stringing me along?

[Rick1963]

"Why didn't he just file for the big d?? Why I he stringing me along?"

(((Bklyn))) can you see some positives in this^^^^^. He is ambivalent maybe, but who knows. I know how hurtful it is to get those papers, believe me I know. But it will pass. Believe me. Hang in there

[imthemom]

sorry bklyn...I know this is not what you want, and I know your are having a reality check right now, I was a sobbing mess...Rick is right, there is a positive that he just went for the seperation but I know that doesnt feel any better. (((bklyn)))
Im thinken about you today...its tuff, dont wish it on my worst enemy, .....which at this time seems to be my H so maybe I do..:)
I keep telling my self that there is a better plan out there for me and Im just not going to be made aware of it until Im ready to except it...
No!! you dont deserve this...Yes!! he is an idiot...

[BklynMom]

Thanks Rick and itm I needed to hear that. Thank you so much.

Just had a session with my shrink who thinks I am taking too much responsiblity for this. He thinks this is more about my h then about me or our relationship. That is reassuring but it doesn't make the pain go away.

Below is our proposed response to h separation agreement

I have received your letter of February 12. 
 
  I should initially  note that I do not agree that this course of action which breaks up the family unit of children of such tender ages of 1 1/2  and 3 1/2 , can possibly be in  D3 and d1 best interest. However, we will accept H decision, and keeping the children as our first priority, will endeavor to negotiate an amicable agreement. 
 
 Bklyn has to her credit  committed to take the steps necessary to address some of the issues H  said contributed to his decision to leave the family.  We urge your client to consider entering  into some marriage counseling before this drastic decision that will have serious and permanent repercussions on D3 and d1 becomes final. .
 
 We propose that we hold everything in abeyance for 10 months. If counseling is unsuccessful rather then a separation agreement, we will agree to an immediate divorce. At least the girls will know when they grow older that the parents made an effort to keep the family together..
 
 If H does not agree to counseling then please give me 7-10 days to give you a formal response.
 
 
 
 
           

[realormakebeliev]

Hi Bkln, so sorry to hear about the papers. I have had a visit from a process server previously, and I know that pain.

I have to agree with the other posters, the fact that it is a S and not a D I think has to show he's at least still on the fence.

Recently I spent a lot of time looking in the drive for the process server to show up again. That feeling in the pit of your stomach is second to none. I was talking to my sister about it, and she made a great point.

No matter what it is coming your way, the fear of the unknown is always worse than the reality of it. Once you know what it is you're dealing with, you will figure out a way to deal with it. No matter what it is. The things that go through our heads are likely to be much worse than reality.

((()))

[ces67]

(((BM))))

Sorry for the rough day. I think your response is to the point and appropriate. There's another side to this and its going to be great for you. Sorry the road is so long.

[purgatory]

Sorry today is so painful.

I admire your response. You are showing him that you strongly don't agree with his choice, and you are offering him an alternative (counseling). For your kids' sake, I hope he agrees to the counseling. The fact that he offered you a S instead of a D, I think is a semi-positive. It seems as though he's not ready to jump into 'singlehood' with both feet.... S papers can be ripped up and life goes back to 'normal', Ds are harder to undo (and more expensive!)

My H and I have been 'working' on our S papers for almost 3 months now.... so this process isn't quick. They've actually been in his hands for the past month, and he hasn't done anything with them.

I really hope you find some comfort today, even if it's just in a warm cup of coffee

[BklynMom]

Thanks for all the notes.

Purg and everyone that is my question. Should I just give a more generic response and we can "work" on these papers for the next few months or go with the draft above which is much more aggressive???

Hmmm??