I am feel out of sorts a bit today, not sure what the deal is.
I struggle sometimes with taking my own advice. When people ask my opinion, I am always honest with them. Not rude, and I don't judge if they decide to not listen to me because in the end I know it's their life and they need to live it for them and nobody else. It is so easy for me to give an honest opinion, yet I can't seem to listen to myself. Especially when it comes to my H. Why is that?
I haven't heard from H since last night. He texted me a bit while I was out with friends and when he asked why it was taking so long for me to answer I explained I was out with friends, and he said "oh well I guess your busy." And I didn't hear from him for the rest of the night.
Why do I feel like I should be apologizing for something I did, even though I haven't done anything? The absolute last thing I want to do is walk on egg shells for anyone, however I am so scared of messing things up.
I wish I felt more confident.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Hey gurl, cut yourself some slack. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!! Don't start walking on egg shells for anyone because once you start how do you stop? Let H work through this on his own, you have a right to have a life...no ....you have a need to have a life!
Hey gurl, cut yourself some slack. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!! Don't start walking on egg shells for anyone because once you start how do you stop? Let H work through this on his own, you have a right to have a life...no ....you have a need to have a life!
Breathe, Learn, Move On!
Like^^^^^^^^
I feel like this sometimes too. Thanks mr for the reminder!
It is so easy for me to give an honest opinion, yet I can't seem to listen to myself. Especially when it comes to my H. Why is that?
Because when we give opinions to others, we don't have as much at risk as when it's our own situations. Our own emotions aren't playing into it.
Originally Posted By: ~¤DG¤~
I haven't heard from H since last night. He texted me a bit while I was out with friends and when he asked why it was taking so long for me to answer I explained I was out with friends, and he said "oh well I guess your busy." And I didn't hear from him for the rest of the night.
Let it roll off your back. Although it could read as controlling on your H's part, you don't know that for sure... so stop the mind reading right now.
If it is his own securities playing into it, it is not your place to stop them. You can't control what he will do.
Originally Posted By: ~¤DG¤~
Why do I feel like I should be apologizing for something I did, even though I haven't done anything? The absolute last thing I want to do is walk on egg shells for anyone, however I am so scared of messing things up.
The short answer - Caz you're scared. Long answer - well you know what it is.
It's sooo hard when we don't have control over the things we REALLY want. That's why detaching is so important, because only then can we make the most loving decisions.. for ourselves.. and for our spouses.
also - please listen to me - tattoo it on your body.
You can play every card right.. but you do NOT have the power to recon your marriage ALONE. IT REQUIRES BOTH OF YOUR HEARTS TO BE IN IT.
Originally Posted By: ~¤DG¤~
I wish I felt more confident.
How do you get that? How can you start believing that you are worth chasing after? That you are worth the effort? That you are worth facing inner demons for?
You feel your husband is worth it... why not you?
(((( )))
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
Last night H did text me, and we talked a bit about a show that we both like. I made the mistake of saying that I miss him (2x4) and he said he didn't know how to respond. I said "ouch..ok. I'm sorry I won't say it again." And he told me not to apologize, and of course he misses me but he is trying to be as open as possible. WTF does that mean.
I didn't answer him so then he told me to stop being so negative. That comment p*ssed me off. I told him that for the past year, I have worked extremely hard FOR ME, and also for him because I wanted to show him that I was fighting for him and fighting for us and he's been the one who has been so apprehensive, so please, don't tell me that I am the one being negative.
He responded "ok. I'm sorry" and that was the end of it.
2x4's please......
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Saw my IC today. I haven't seen her since before Christmas and it made me realize that I'm not ready to be done with counseling yet. We have a lot to catch up on, and the plan is to see her 1-2 x's a month. Seeing her today made me feel better.
"Everyone you meet has baggage. Find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack." ¤Formerly DelinquentGurl¤
Wow DG, I don't know how to respond to the convo with H. I see positives though, he says he misses you ( what I wouldn't give to hear that), he apologized cor calling you negative, which tells me he must realize you are not.
Should you have said you missed him? Probably not, but every now and then give yourself permission to be human and throw out a line and see what bites! Just don't send up a balloon!!!!
I am also missing my IC, have an appt Friday evening, can't wait.
I think seeing your IC is good. The new interactions are bound to bring up emotions both new and old.
IMO - it's time to go back to DBing 101. Follow the 37 rules.
As for sticking up for yourself.. well lord knows I struggle with that myself.
I think you could have gotten the point across without getting so angry. What's the line that 25 uses.....
.... I didn't realize I was being x, but I'm sorry you feel that way.
Don't be a doormat by any means, but I do think you will have / are having some fresh anger/hurt/confusion come to the surface. Feel the emotions, deal with them... just because not to act with them.
Is your H still initiating all the texts?
M(f): 40 D'ed: 8/12
Show empathy when there's pain. Show grace when warranted. Kindness in the midst of anger. Faith in the face of fear.
IMO - it's time to go back to DBing 101. Follow the 37 rules.
Agreed. I used to have them saved on my phone, but seem to have deleted them by mistake. Can someone post them in this thread for me please?
My IC suggested I ask H to meet for coffee so we can talk face to face. I told her I was not going to do that. Every interaction (up until recently) has been initiated by me and I'm tired of extending an olive branch only to be ignored. When I explained that to her, she understood.
