I posted this on "newcomers", thinking more traffic = more response. but maybe more traffic = more easily ignored. Plus, I didnt quite have the right subject :-} So thought I might try again in here.
I made a bold statement to The Lady, claiming that millions of people have successfully brought back romantic feelings in a cold marriage. She then asked me for studies to substantiate these "millions"
Could anyone point me in the right direction, please?
While I dont expect a study about "millions served", kind of thing, any study referencing something like, (Out of .... many couples who tried this method, ... many reported having loving, romantic feelings again, by the end of the study) Or possibly even just a particular marital program, that gives some kind of success result numbers like that.
That would give me a reasonable basis to extrapolate from. (She's working on her PhD, so I think I should be able to pass muster with extrapolation of data
I'm a research scientist, do a lot of designing clinical trials and writing clinical reports for FDA submissions for the company I work with. Have a few peer reviewed publications to boot, and a book chapter. So is my H. And we are both MD's as well. Just giving you the background to let you know that scientifically, I am as well grounded as your W.
Having been the same boat as you, and wondering about the same thing, I have looked into material as well about falling out of love, etc. There is a lot of material in the internet about the phenomenon, apparently most marriages will go through this stage, and how a couple views committment and their vows and life in general will determine how they will get through this stage.
Once through this stage, real, not necessarily romantic love comes into play. That is what we should all be hoping for.
If you read MWD's Divorce Remedy book, there is a chapter there on the stages of marriage. Scott Pecks "The road less traveled" also explains the concept of love as a decision. There are many others as well.....
Of course, going into the more spiritual realm even opens up more reading material. The Love Dare explains unconditional, Biblical love for your mate.
Many groups are devoted to keeping that flame alive. Marriage encounter, Retrouvaille (from which my H and I have just gone through) are examples.
However, I have yet to come across a controlled study with showing that passionate love could be revived. That would actually hard to do as there are no objective endpoints to measure.... and against what will you do statistical analyses?
But in answer to your question, yes, love can be kept alive and passionate..... and can be recovered if lost ..... many in this boards can attest to that....
Keep reading, look into the posts of people here, start with MWD's books!
Goodluck!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
... There is a lot of material in the internet about the phenomenon, apparently most marriages will go through this stage, and how a couple views committment and their vows and life in general will determine how they will get through this stage.
Once through this stage, real, not necessarily romantic love comes into play. That is what we should all be hoping for.
...
However, I have yet to come across a controlled study with showing that passionate love could be revived. That would actually hard to do as there are no objective endpoints to measure.... and against what will you do statistical analyses?
Hi Angel, thanks for the reply!
Yeah, the lack of objectivity makes studies challenging. That's why psycology is a "soft" science. But subjective data, is better than no data.
I guess I may have to resort to picking a particular book or program
Originally Posted By: angel61
But in answer to your question, yes, love can be kept alive and passionate..... and can be recovered if lost ..... many in this boards can attest to that....
and that's the important thing I think.
(If you are still reading my stuff, and see that bit, Princess, would you please let me know?)
I've read a few books lately and I really like (The Sex Starved Marriage). Michelle spells it out in a easy to read format what happens in marriage over the years.
The title is misleading because I see it as a good marriage book for multiple problems but we all know when the sex goes away there are usually big problems.
Shaky
M 42 W 41 S 10 D 7 M 15 Years T 20 Years Divorce busted
During my anatomy and phys class, someone was discussing that scientifically our dna is programmed to have this rush of chemicals and hormones when we fall in love with someone, and these chemicals are prevalent in keeping the human race going We also got into a discussion about how when we fall in love with someone, there is this huge rush of these hormones and chemicals that take place. Everything is so wonderful, so new, exciting, etc. But as time goes on, these feelings take a significant drop ... within a year or two of being together, or after marriage.
And, some say this may be why many people do not understand that when these feelings begin to die down, they think something is wrong with the relationship, and many don't understand that it takes a dual effort to keep the relationship going. I know my h had shared with me his feelings on this as well, and that he did not understand it at first.
Yes, those are discussed medically, and in psychology as well. Look up limerance and cathexis in google.
Thats exactly what happened to H and I. He thought he no longer loved me. Or worse, that he never loved me at all. We started out as best friends, so that huge rush of feelings were played down.
When he met OW, he thought it was "Love". But a year later, he admitted that the feeling did not last. He even told me a month ago that he does not even miss her at all!
Me:49 H:45 D:12 M:14 T:18 Bomb: 6/26/10 EA: 9/3/10, fizzled out slowly, now ??? 11/5/11 Retrouvaille Finally piecing.... Its peaceful at last, but we got a looong way to go
