Going to see a L today before I sign the papers my W dropped off. My visit to a L will p!ss my W off beyond doubt. Is this a good move to push the W even further?
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
You have be careful to protect yourself. It is unfortunate if W gets upset but you have to care for yourself. She is not thinking of your best interest right now
Mnky you don't need to let W know what you are doing. And so what if she gets angry? That is her problem. Yes protect yourself 1st and foremost see a L. ASAP
M 53 D 20 Separated 6/22/11 moved out 10/24 Together 26 yrs Married 16 W Filed for D 7/21/11 Served 9/6/11 D final 8/28/12
“Failure is not fatal, but failure to change might be.”
Yeah, it's funny... when the WAS say they love the LBS (but are not IN love with them), it's kinda weird how they seem to forget that they love us, when assets or kids are on the line...
Every sitch is different mnky, but somehow I haven't pissed my W off enough to cause her to file... sometimes it seems they can have a pretty high tolerance for stuff, even though they are "done"...
That's what I figured too. Just wanted a second, third, etc.. opinion.
Thanks
Another question. As many of you are familiar with Crimson's sitch. Soo happy to see things moving forward for he and his wife. Made me tear up a bit. So, my W and I do not have children, I do not see her very often by choice. I'm seeing the "no kids" part of my sitch as a TREMENDOUS obstacle. Thoughts please?
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
That's the LBS mode of thinking that without something to connect us with the WAS, there is no hope... that could be attributed to feeling like we need to control something.
So choose to control yourself. There are very definitely couples without children who R. How that might work is up to you. Control what you CAN control... HOW you are... WHO you are... your actions... your mind...
25 says it in the form of "time + consistent action = positive results" or something like that...
I say it the way I learned, years ago.
Getting to a goal is first WANTING the goal... and second setting out on a course (one of the million paths) to the goal, stated this way:
Intention (desire for the goal) + mechanism = results (goal achieved)
There are a million and more ways to do something... to achieve a goal... so really, it is only a matter of continuing to get up until we reach the goal. The WAY we get to the goal is irrelevant, because there IS a way. So the equation is more like:
Intention = Results
The only way the above changes, is when our intention changes... (or what we stated was our intention, really was just lip service)...
That's the LBS mode of thinking that without something to connect us with the WAS, there is no hope... that could be attributed to feeling like we need to control something.
I like this. It succintly answers my question. Thanks KD.
Me: 44 Bomb: 11/27/11 Divorced:6/12 Life goes on: 6/13
Grmpy - I feel that even though our scenarios are quite a bit different, we seem to have a commonality that isn't found often on this board that my W and I also do not have kids.
Thus, like you presumably, my thought is that I need to get in front of her to show her my changes and this causes some type of pursuing behavior.
In absence of slight pursuit to find an excuse to meet, we don't have contact so it is hard to show her any of my changes. This has resulted in controlling or pursuing behavior in the past, so I'm wondering if you have had any good thoughts on how you manage being separated from your W without kids and still finding a reason to have opportunities to have contact at some point?
I am truly trying to work on myself, but it is hard not having any contact, and I'd love to find opportunities to talk/meet without pursuit.
Mnky (and BadLuck)... what you can figure out how that might work for you, in a way that is not pursuing... that statement does not have to be an oxymoron. Showing your best side does not have to be pursuing...
and BadLuck... even LRT does not prescribe no contact. No contact is more a temporary choice to help the LBS deal with detaching.
Have contact, show your best sides... just without pursuit...
