Too Little, Too Late.... part 4

[purgatory]

I never imagined that I would get so much love and support from people that I would have over 300 posts on 3 threads... in only 2 months! I feel so humbled that you all have taken time to give me advice and listen (well, read) to me go through the most traumatic experience of my life. When I feel the lowest, I come here and am reminded that there are people out there who are thinking about me... it's a great way to help build some confidence back.

I don't know any of your names or faces... but I would like to call you all 'friends'.

Here's the links to my previous posts:
part 1
part 2
part 3

What you missed last time with Purg:
*H has expressed feelings for my BFF
*My BFF expressed the same feelings (she is no longer BFF)
*They have yet to start dating or commit to a R, waiting on OW to make a decision.
*Lots more details about her, me and H in part 3 (where it was all revealed to me only a week ago)

[purgatory]

I have to give myself a pat on the back tonight.....

I impressed 6 years olds! Not an easy task in my house! S6 is having a friend stay over (which is a good distraction so I can focus on the sick baby).
*I made a tent over our sectional in the living room (my first attempt at fort building!)
*I made homemade Mac-N-Cheese and got praise from the kids (well, they said:"hey, this is pretty good." Not an academy award, but I'll take it!)
*I shocked them when I brought out my ORIGINAL NINTENDO (yep, the 32 bit one) and GAMEBOY(the big grey box)! They both still work Both of the kids were shocked at how "big" the game cartridges were... they even asked how we connect to the internet for these games. My how these kids have been spoiled.
*I further impressed them when I beat Tetris and they couldn't get past level 6!!
*I already have "breakfast pigs in blankets" ready for tomorrow morning. (I cook bacon, then place a piece in pancake batter as it cooks in the pan... YUM!)

All in all, I think i was a kick @ss mom tonight!! That lifted my spirits after the bad start to my day. Now I have to gear up for the sleepless night coming from the baby (ok, he's 20 moths old, but he's still my baby!) who's dealing with a fever and wont eat... I see a trip to the ER possibly tomorrow

What did you do today that made you smile?

[labug]

Good job, Purg! I was just catching up on the happenings of today, I got a knot in the pit of my stomach for you.

This is from Al-Anon but it helps for any difficult situation:

JUST FOR TODAY I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY I will be happy. This assumes to be true what Abraham Lincoln said, that "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be."
JUST FOR TODAY I will adjust myself to what is, and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take my "luck" as it comes, and fit myself to it.
JUST FOR TODAY I will try to strengthen my mind. I will study. I will learn something useful. I will not be a mental loafer. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration.
JUST FOR TODAY I will exercise my soul in three ways: I will do somebody a good turn, and not get found out; if anybody knows of it, it will not count. I will do at least two things I don't want to do - just for exercise. I will not show anyone that my feelings are hurt; they may be hurt, but today I will not show it.
JUST FOR TODAY I will be agreeable. I will look as well as I can, dress becomingly, keep my voice low, be courteous, criticize not one bit. I won't find fault with anything, nor try to improve or regulate anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY I will have a program. I may not follow it exactly but I will have it. I will save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.
JUST FOR TODAY I will have a quiet half hour all by myself and relax. During this half hour, sometime, I will try to get a better perspective on my life.
JUST FOR TODAY I will be unafraid. Especially I will not be afraid to enjoy what is beautiful, and to believe that as I give to the world, so the world will give to me.

[Oneeleven]

My mouth is seriously watering reading your Pigs in a Blanket description! Dang!!

And I am loling over "how does this connect to the internet"

[kolja]

*I shocked them when I brought out my ORIGINAL NINTENDO (yep, the 32 bit one) and GAMEBOY(the big grey box)! They both still work Both of the kids were shocked at how "big" the game cartridges were... they even asked how we connect to the internet for these games. My how these kids have been spoiled.

Did anyone have to blow the dust out of the cartridges for it to work??

[purgatory]

Labug- I appreciate you taking time to get caught up.... Today was a new kind of rough. Thanks so much for the alanon stuff! I've copied it and put it in my ongoing DB file I've considered going to an Alanon meeting....

111: They ARE soooooo yummy and super easy! H and S6 use them as finger food and dip them in syrup

Tonight........
I had a small breakdown. H has been texting all night asking about the baby- I take this as a positive. We even talked back and forth about a project he's been working on, he asked my opinion so it put me in a nostalgic mood.....

My poor little man, has a fever, won't eat and can't sleep well.... I was rocking him to hopefully get him to sleep, and singing his lullaby: "Smile", by Charlie Chaplin. As I was singing it, the lyrics hit me in a new way- and I started crying while trying to sing- but the baby was able to sleep. The song has a new meaning for me now that I'm going through this sitch....

Smile, though your heart is aching
Smile, even though it’s breaking
When there are clouds in the sky
you’ll get by
If you smile through your fear and sorrow
Smile and maybe tomorrow
You’ll see the sun come shining through
for you

Light up your face with gladness
Hide every trace of sadness Although a tear may be ever so near
That’s the time you must keep on trying
Smile what’s the use of crying
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile
If you’ll just
Smile

[purgatory]

Kolja- LOL!! I had to show them how us 'old' folks had to do it in the olden days.... I even had to blow into the machine Ahhh, memories

But I felt awesome knowing that I still had my Tetris skills!!

[mr mr]

Today I went sled riding with my kids to make me smile. :-)

I love that song smile. And today has brought new meaning to "fake it till you make it." My heart aches for my W today. But oddly enough as I have worked on me I have noticed being happier in other areas of my life.

Ironic how something so terrible and destructive can, if we allow it, have sup h a positive effect on our lives.

[BFloat]

thanks for sharing the lyrics. i'm going to copy it and keep it close as a reminder to myself.

[ces67]

Purg - Glad you had fun with the kids and show'd them a thing or two!

My D is 9 now but still likes me to sing to her every once in a while. Always 1 of 2 songs:

1) "Good Night Baby" by Tom Petty (my personal favorite)
2) "Stay Awake" from Mary Poppins (although my kids know it from a CD Harry Connick, Jr. put out where he re-did all these old songs from kids' movies)

My smile today came from my son. He's 13 and has been wanting to get this "helmet-camera" that he's saving up for. Well tonight he rigged his i-phone to one of his sister's headbands with electrical tape and was going around the house filming. He cracks me up...