She does fit all the characteristics of someone in MLC.
With that being said, my first reaction to the song was that it might be a cry for help. Since they have moments of clarity, I took it like shes saying to me “ Please, just hold on a little longer”. The day after, she was right back to B!tc& mode.
I think that little by little, she might be noticing the mess she’s created. However, shes always been a VERY proud person and shes always had a problem owning up to her mistakes. She’s also, surrounded herself with allot of negative influences and she might be feeling a little torn.
She has the option right now to divorce me. All papers are done and she knows that all she has to do, is go the lawyers office and get it done. She hasn’t done anything yet. Week after week she has been threatening to throw out the remainder of my stuff and she hasn’t done so yet.
On Xmas, she gave me the complete Star Wars set on Blu Ray. That’s a pretty expensive set.
At times I feel like she wants to keep me near. For what? I really don’t know…
Sometimes, I feel like shes being nice, just to get what she wants, which is money. But, since she knows Im not giving it to her, who knows what her angle might be….
I believe that if she REALLY wanted a divorce, she would of done it already no matter what. So at times, actually, most of the time, Im confused but, there’s something I know for sure…
Im not a disposable object to keep on the side just in case something doesn’t work out for her.
Shes also telling people she wants nothing to do with and that shes never been happier in her life. Whenever she displays ANY act of kindness, of course to others, she will deny that she ever did so.
Me: 37 W: 37 Married Feb 14 1997 Seperated Thanksgiving weekend 2010 No divorce filed yet 1st born son:13 2nd daughter:9 3rd son:4 Trying hard to detach
Ehh....I think one could overthink the importance of it.
The words are strong, yet very blaming.
Being a music lover myself, I have always had a hard time listening to a song, and thinking that the lyrics to a song 100% encapsulated my thoughts...and how weak I would have to be, to own another's emotions down to my core.
Most times, there are only a couple lines out of each song that COULD apply to my feelings at that time....
She may have been feeling those things at that time, yet I doubt that that has become her mantra.
Hell, she may be listening to your old Lawrence Welk records this week....( reminder to get those back )
Did you do those things to her ???
Where you that person in the song ?
I think that might be the nail your hammer is hitting...
The guilt that you WERE that guy....
Have you taken a look at that ?
Sammy...
It's time....
Time to work towards YOUR future now...
Once again, I am going to beat you upside your hard head, and tell you that you need to find a place of your own....
You are gonna come back and talk about money,...
And I'm going to come back and tell you that money is an excuse.
So can we skip that, and you can just tell me what your plan is ???
I'm gonna ask you what you do for you ...
You are gonna come back and tell me about your Church, and what you volunteer to them...
And I'm gonna come back and ask you if you could volunteer less and use that time to find a Part time job, so that you can earn extra money to use for your
A) Living situation B) Lawyer to fight for your kids
So can we skip that, and go straight to your answers ????
Then I'm going to ask you about why you aren't taking a more active role in fighting for your children...
Then you are going to come back at me with some lame-ass excuse about money, and that your Lawyer says that they are not in harm...
Blah, blah, blah.... BS
Then I'm gonna ask you....
Why are you letting your Lawyer dictate your relationship, with your children ?
Who the F is he, to determine your relationship with them ???
So can we skip THAT, and you answer those questions ????
No BS....
Answers dude...
The thing is....you THINK that you are letting go.
The reality is, that you are still playing tug-of-war with a Badger...
Why ? Because you are not ready to live this life for yourself.
You still depend on her actions to validate YOUR life.
You still look over your shoulder, for her approval, every time you try to make a decision...
You are tunnel visioned, about the damage NOT fighting for you children is doing to them.
What is it going to take, for you to kick down the walls of the box you are living in ???
What is it going to take, for you to see, that your ticket through MLC, is to address YOUR things, and live YOUR life ???
Don't run from the hard questions...
Do what is right for you and your children...
Don't blame anyone else, for your shortcomings, and failures.
Let your wife spin out of control as much as she wants\needs to..
IF down the road, she chooses to look back toward you, THEN you can make the choices that you are trying to force today....
Well, today is beautiful day here in sunny South Florida. 70deg, breezy and its a pleasure to be outside today.
Not for me, of course... Im stuck in an office admiring the weather from my window.
I decided to call the kids today since they are out of school. W answered my sons phone. When I heard her voice, I immediatley hung up. She sounded horrible. Like she was sick. 5 min later S13 called me and said that W was cooking last night and scolding water fell on her arms and now she has 2nd deg burns.
I responded by telling my son that I was sorry to hear that and to make sure he takes good care of her.
I kicking myself for doing this, but I offered if she needed anything. Now this is something that my counselor is telling me to STOP doing. I have to stop rescuing her in any way,shape or form.
Soon after, W texted me and said that she had a fever and shes in allot of pain.
Whats the purpose of this? Isnt this what OM is for?
Just the other day she was telling me that she was making, yet another attempt, to put a restraining order on me just for getting upset that OM took my son without her asking my permission. Now shes wants me to know that she's hurt.
Is this cycling?
Well, (Mach) I was informed that I was get VH tix for my birthday. Dunno if I should be happy or vomit. Lets see what they do this time around....
Have a wonderful weekend everyone!
Tomorrow, Im apartment hunting!!
Me: 37 W: 37 Married Feb 14 1997 Seperated Thanksgiving weekend 2010 No divorce filed yet 1st born son:13 2nd daughter:9 3rd son:4 Trying hard to detach
Soon after, W texted me and said that she had a fever and shes in allot of pain.
Whats the purpose of this? Isnt this what OM is for?
Just the other day she was telling me that she was making, yet another attempt, to put a restraining order on me just for getting upset that OM took my son without her asking my permission. Now shes wants me to know that she's hurt.
Is this cycling?
Hey Broken,
I normally don't post in the MLC forum, however I wanted to chime in.
Your W gave you an opportunity here. It seems as though a 180 for you would have been to show some sympathy. Why not? It doesn't cost a thing.
I understand being threatened with a restraining order. It happened to me too. Don't let it stop you from positive interactions with your W when the opportunities present themselves.
Same thing with hanging up when she answered. What purpose does it serve? She had to know it was you calling. Do you think this gets you closer or further away from your goal?
Peace
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
It seems as though a 180 for you would have been to show some sympathy. Why not? It doesn't cost a thing.
You're right. It doesnt cost a thing and Ive been showing allot of sympathy within the last year but shes taking my kindness as a sign of weakness.
Quote:
Same thing with hanging up when she answered. What purpose does it serve? She had to know it was you calling. Do you think this gets you closer or further away from your goal?
Just about EVERY bit of communication with her ends in conflict. I texted her and told her that if theres anyting she might need, to please contact me. I also told the kids to please watch over mommy and make sure shes ok. And, if anything happens, to please contact me.
See, this is what confuses me... Ive read in allot of forums and in books that you have to show them that you are ready and willing to move on. Isnt showing sympathy kind of counter productive? Isnt it telling them that now matter how crappy they treat you, you are still there waiting for them?
LITB, Im all for sympathy but Ive gotten to the point that when I see that shes texting me, I get nervous and I say "Oh God, what now?"
Im really trying to take Mach and 25's advice when it comes to not feeding into her madness and work on myself.
If I take two steps forward and I just look at her texts, I feel like Ive taken 5 steps back...
Me: 37 W: 37 Married Feb 14 1997 Seperated Thanksgiving weekend 2010 No divorce filed yet 1st born son:13 2nd daughter:9 3rd son:4 Trying hard to detach
"but shes taking my kindness as a sign of weakness. "
Mindreading
"Isnt it telling them that now matter how crappy they treat you, you are still there waiting for them?"
There's a difference between being a doormat and showing that you have compassion. Have you ever thought that maybe she was letting you know because the OM doesn't want to hear it? She got physically injured. You not showing any compassion makes you sound like an @$$ in this case. No offense.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
You not showing any compassion makes you sound like an @$$ in this case. No offense.
Did I not write that I offered help? When I call my son's cell and SHE answers, 9 times out of 10, its to spew. So, I took no chances and just hung up.
I saw the 2nd degree burns and I freaked out. She needs medical attention. Since she decided to quit her job and remain unemployed, she has no medical insurance. So, I offered to pay her bill and insisted that she would go to wound care. She replied no.
Later that day, I did a grocery shopping for her and the kids. I spent roughly around $225. A few hours later, she spoke to some family members and told them what a piece of garbage that I am and that she KNOWS that she made the right choice in leaving me.
Oh BTW, this morning, I called S13 to say good morning. I asked how W as feeling and he said that shes in pain and S13 is angry at me because mommy told him that I did not buy her a Xmas present. If you read my previous post, I did get her something and she threw it back in my face telling me it was garbage.
So, considering the circumstances, I think Im being VERY compassionate.
OM is living at the house now. If he cares as much for her as W claims he does, she should of recieved the treatment she needed by now.
So, again, its like I stated before, no matter how good I do or how compassionate I am, its seems to be a lose lose situation.
Im not going to stop being good nor compassionate with her. But, I will avoid every chance she gets to spew.
Its funny... She left me, says she cant stand me, calls me every name in the book yet, she cant stop trying to communicate with me.
Its always something!
Someone care to shine a little light on this one???
Me: 37 W: 37 Married Feb 14 1997 Seperated Thanksgiving weekend 2010 No divorce filed yet 1st born son:13 2nd daughter:9 3rd son:4 Trying hard to detach
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