I am having a hard time moving on with my life, not with someone just moving on. I'm so frustrated i could scream.
Found out he was cheating online after 9 yrs together 7 married. I did not want the divorce and had and have tried and been willing to work it out. But he wouldn't have it. Been split since May 2011 divorced since nov 2011.
On top of the online cheating he has since starting being BFF with another girl that I've always had this bad gut feeling about their friendship.
I've snooped (not proud) and found out horrible things. So now there is 2 woman. Both he swears are friends, sadly I've seen proof of more and even confronting him he denies a relationship with them. I realize they only know what he tells them about us or me, part of me just wants to call him out on all the lies to them but sadly I know it won't change much.
He is bi-polar but refuses Dr recommended treatment which adds a twist to things.
Now i understand people just don't wake up and cheat. So I've worked on me, worked on alot, still am. Prayed, read books, stayed close, stayed far away, been nice , been mean, all in trying to stay friends(ly) .....I feel god is and has been working but I feel I'm just getting hurt and don't know how to just walk away...hurts either way.
We have stayed friends still calling, sharing, helping and seeing each other but sometimes it's just added fule to the fire because I know him better than anyone and catch him in lies all the time...about things that don't even matter!
I sit back and think why would I even want to stay with someone who has changed so much, maybe because I'm holding on to the person I knew for 9 years, not for the last 2 months of our marriage before we split.
I find myself continuously getting pulled back into things with him. Its great one Minute and I feel God is working and then bam its bad the next.
My heart and my head are in a continuous battle.
I find it so hard to just walk away even when I know that's the best thing to do, for us both...its almost like we just can't get enough of each other, but then it causes fights that are making us hate each other.
I'm young, own a successful business, no kids, confidant, no debt....so Im not a hopeless mess........but yet I still feel so stuck in the middle of praying god will bring us Back together and praying he will just heal me and stop the pain.
I just need help on walking away without feeling that I've given up or leaving things mad and in a non Christian attitude.
I just can't wrap my head around it all, and by now Im thinking I should be at point of at least expecting its over and moving on with my life as a single lady.
I'm young, own a successful business, no kids, confidant, no debt.
So - first you have to ask yourself, why would you WANT an unmedicated bipolar who cheats and lies???
What is it in YOU that you don't think you're worth a whole heck of a lot more than that??? Think long and hard on this question - it's an important one.
Second - if you ever plan on having kids, do you really think someone like him is a good choice for their father? No, of course you don't.
Some practical things to do:
- Cut out the frequent contact with him. It's keeping you sucked in. Go dark for a while.
- Make a big goal to work towards - something fun that will require some energy and focus. When my marriage was first in trouble, I trained for and climbed Mt. Whitney. When we separated, I bought a drum kit and learned how to play the drums in a rock band.
- Work on develooping a busy social life - the more you get out having fun with other people, the less time you'll have to moon over your ex.
