She did, for a while... maybe from Aug through Oct of last year. She's been smoking again for quite a while now and she's easily back up to her old levels.
No, she hasn't consulted with her doc and she definitely did not gain weight. Though appetite suppression is part of Wellbutrin so that's not a huge surprise.
I suspect it's because the Wellbutrin makes the cigs taste like crap. That's what she's told me in the past anyway. Or it could be a money thing... not wanting to pay the regular recurring cost for the Rx.
Yeah... I also meant to put in my last post that last night she whipped up a batch of our favorite alcoholic winter drink. It's this slushy brandy mixture. In reality it has very little alcohol in it once you put the slush in a glass with 7-Up but it is delicious. She just said I think we both could use some so I'm going to make some for us... ok? A batch will last us quite a while... but again, isn't she supposed to be detesting me? hating me? trying to stay as far away as humanly possible?
Just roll with it.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
I know... Ironically enough it wasn't intended to trigger guilt. I don't want to post the whole text convo, but essentially I was trying to say that I hadn't told S that she was or wasn't coming. So he wasn't going to be heartbroken because he was counting on her and now she wasn't coming. But that's not how it came off entirely I don't think.
That's a pretty taut rope to walk. Almost a razor's edge really...
One of the best sayings I heard here about the relationships between the WAS and children, was something GraceO said..
It is not your job to facilitate their relationship, it is your job to NOT damage their relationship
It is absolutely normal to want to do that. We tend to get out our natural Papa Bear instincs. We want to protect them , and keep them from feeling hurt.
Just keep in mind how easily the WAS feels attacked. They feel as though we are judging them and their choices....constantly.
We are acting rationally, and they are acting on emotion.
She came home last night before I went to bed. I was in the kitchen getting things ready for the morning. We had a brief convo as they had just handed out the February wrestling tournament schedule at practice last night. I simply told her which tournaments I wanted to take S to. One is on my weekend and one is on her weekend, so I asked her if it would be ok for me to take him and that she was free to say no.
She looks at the dates. The one on her weekend she has to work anyway so she says it's fine. The one on my weekend she says she probably can't make because she's planning on hanging out with her friends all weekend as it's "her last weekend of freedom" (the next weekend she works and after that she's in the rental house and on her own). Then she gets very sad and starts to cry some... saying she's going to get "worst mom of the decade award". Asking me what kind of mom misses all of her son's tournaments? What kind of mom does that?
Then she goes on and start crying even more because "there's so much work to do in the new place... so much cleaning... so much repair." That people say they'll help but then they don't show up, and that it's impossible to do it all alone.
And this is where I just don't know what to do... I don't really feel comfortable being her sounding board on these issues. I don't want this whole thing, so it's hard for me to be present and empathetic. At the same time, cutting her off with something like "I don't think it's appropriate to talk to me about this" seems cold and uncaring.
I finally just listened for a little bit... maybe 5-7 minutes. I said that I know it's hard but it will pass, that everything doesn't have to be perfect. Then I used the time as a reason to end the conversation and go up to bed.
I tried not to placate her or make her feel better. I don't see that as my job. I didn't tell her she wasn't the worst mom but I didn't pile on either. I tried to just listen without judgment or comment. I feel like not offering a comment or assurance comes off as judgmental, but maybe it doesn't.
Personally, yes, I do feel that she is falling down on the mom duties. That partying with your friends is not a good reason to miss two of the three tournaments your son is in. But I can't control that and it's just my opinion. So I keep it to myself... "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all" is where I'm at I guess.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
Out of town tonight for work; back home tomorrow. Called home tonight to talk to the kids. Talking to SS and asked him what he was doing.. "packing some of my stuff" . Yeah... That sucked.
At least had some very good sushi tonight.
Married 6 together 8 Me:38 W:31 second marriage for both SS12, SD10, S6 Bomb: 9/8/11 (day before our 5 yr ann) W moved out: 2/18/12 D final: 11/12/12 Share S 50/50. Spend as much time as I can with SS & SD
WHG, you're doing an amazing job, you really are. You sound like an awesome dad, step-dad and husband. If your WAW doesn't wake up, she's an idiot. Whatever happens, you're going to be ok and make some woman very blessed.
About the Welbutrin, I was on it about 6 years ago to stop smoking (it worked, along with the patch) after being a 15 yr 1 pack a day smoker. I stayed on it for 6 months, until I realized it was making me depressed. At first I thought it was quitting smoking making me moody and irritable but after a few months, I knew I was depressed and thought the Welbutrin would help... thinking "My God if I'm this depressed, imagine how bad it would be without AD!". Then I quit and within a month I felt better than I had in 20 years, with no nicotine (which is a depressant) and no meds... and I haven't been depressed since. Stressed, upset, angry at the sitch yes - but not soul crushing depressed. Nicotine and AD affects everyone differently mentally. I know women who loved Wellbutrin, made them happy, lose weight, great sex drive... that was not my experience at all! I was not pleasant to be around and horribly unhappy in my R at the time (pre-H). The med just magnified that for me. BUT I should not have stopped taking them on my own. I got lucky, I could've gotten more depressed or bottomed out.
Can you suggest at all to your W to see a therapist before she quits? Or at least talk to her GP? Now is a horrible time for her to play around with meds on her own.
Me - 38, 2nd M, no living children, 1 forever 6 yr old boy H - 44, 3rd M, twins 16
Dating 4/07 M 10/08 Bomb #1 12/10 Bomb #2 1/11 Bomb #3 12/11
. Yeah... That sucked.