I finally see the wisdom now in not snooping, spying, or doing anything else that intrudes on the privacy of your spouse. It totally goes against the principal of getting your own life, it’s a way of saying, my life isn’t interesting enough on it’s own, I need to peer into the life of someone else to find excitement, or something to entertain myself. Of course, we don’t always find good news, but of course even bad news is exciting, that’s why so many newspapers sell right?
As I write this, I’m fully aware of my own hypocrisy. I spied on my W when we first really hit the skids in September and she said she wasn’t in love with me anymore (I should add, she never said IILWYBIANILWYA, she just said she didn’t love me anymore—I don’t know if that means that I will never be able to fix my marriage, but I’m not going to quit trying until the magistrate signs the decree), actually even before, because I thought she was having an A with a co-worker. She admits having an EA with him, and I still have a part of me that thinks something more happened. Whether something more did or not, it doesn’t matter—I’m prepared for anything…I can take it.
But back to the subject of this post: Stay strong even when you think no one is watching, it’s a big responsibility to be God (because by spying, that’s who you’re trying to be)—omniscience is a heavy burden to bear. If you learn something via spying that you wouldn’t have learned from normal conversation, you are putting yourself in the position of getting caught by debouching information gained by spying. So it’s like lying in a way. But instead of trying to remember the lies you told, and what your version of truth is, you have to remember what you learned from spying and not let the other person know that you know that information. It’s just a nasty business.
Focus on yourself, take care of yourself. Visit your friends, your family. Get out and exercise, or sit down and watch a funny movie, etc. etc. Make lists of things to do. Do things you’ve always wanted to do, but may have been scared. Stretch yourself. Use this difficult time as a way to make you stronger. You can’t make Steel without a flame, so do all you can to stay motivated and upbeat. Regardless the outcome of your marriage, if you do all that and do your best, you can rest knowing you gave it your all.
"Things are never bad; it's the way you think about them." -Epictetus
