Quoting lostlove: 6 missdialed #'s on h's cell phone...1, 123, 12, 9...whatever you get the point...gee is this h mumble fingers dialing wrong 6 times in a row all within a min??? doubtfull this is h filling up his sent calls so that ow's # wont show up...do I care...will he be honest...at this point does any of it even make a difference....
ya me too...of course you know h will have some cocamamie exuse for it too...and honestly I've seen it there before just not as many missed #s and sometimes they do correlate to a call..but these are blatant...and just saturday at 7 pm too...wtf?? gee did he plow her drive thursday and just had to call her...has he been calling her all along....is he even calling her???
I am sooooo friggen annoyed with the whole thing!!!!
Let's think...are there ANY other reasonable possibilities? Like, do the kids play with his phone? I dunno.
The other thing to always keep in mind, is that even if he calls her from time to time he is with you. He could have gone to her if he wanted, but he came home. I know he still needs an a$$-kicking if he is still calling her, but how gratifying could their r be anyway when he blatantly turned her down to come home to you?
Quote: but how gratifying could their r be anyway when he blatantly turned her down to come home to you?
let's not forget the fact that she is also married...and their r was all during the day cept for while he was away from me..but she still had to go home to her h....their r is what it was...I'm sure their r will have some more complications than it did prior to h's leaving and her asking her h for a d...but never the less...she can be happy and upbeat if he calls her cause "see he is in love with me LL, he can't stay away from me" so la di da..they can have their childish superficial r..until such a time that it get's real again and my h leaves or doesn't leave...all the while he strings us both along...intentionally or un intentionally doesn't matter...I will not play this game with him.
You don't know he called her. Just last week you saved me from jumping to a conclusion that looked pretty obvious to me. Think of his behaviour lately. His efforts. His turn around when he thought you were going to see the lawyer.
yes I still feel the same way this morning...did go up to my bed last night..but couldn't sleep there knowing the man laying next to me would rather be somewhere else living and laughing with someone else..so I slept in the spare bedroom. h was off early today as he had to do a favor for his brother. he of course will still come home tonight as he just doesn't want to leave his kids...I will go off to the movies or something...
this man is so confused it saddens me...this man doesn't know where to turn so doesn't and that saddens me...this man loves his children and me too...but doesn't know what to do...so does nothing...
h has been "stonewalling" me for years and is only now accepting that fact...and addmitting that he doesn't like that he doesn't know what to say...
I grow more and more tired with each passing day...
I so just want for h to consider me a friend..and am sad that he does not and does not seem to want to do anything about it.
I've sent an e-mail to michelle hoping she can (if h is willing that is) give me some ideas to tackle this problem..
it is so sad when two people who obviously love and care for eachother are unhappy with eachother...it would truly be a shame for this m to end but it would be more of a shame for each of us to continue in this manner feeling lonley inside.
any advice suggestions..beatings are more than welcome...I am truly at a loss...
acting as if and saying nothing don't work....patience isn't the key in this sit..it has gone on long enough...we need to get back to basics but do not have the tools...I do not even know if at this point h would be willing...(and honestly I think it a bit hokey too) but I can't quit til I've tried.
HELP!!
this is the e-mail I sent michelle.
hello Michelle,
I am lost love from the bb..my sit is all there for the reading and you have even posted on my threads and were kind enough to send me a copy of ssm. I am struggling with reconciliation with my h, after a six month separation..he is home...he is mostly and addmittedly home for the children. h is unhappy I am unhappy, we do love eachother of that there is no question...the problem is that h just doesn't see me as a friend...as someone he wants to talk to or listen too...laugh with etc. I have done the 180's and acting as if...things are better than they were before all this mess..but we are simply h and w going about business....yes showing love and affection but that friendship we both desire just doesn't seem to be there.
at this point h may or may not be open to doing something about it (h did go to my c for one appointment) do you have any suggestions? something not to hokey....non-threatening...fun....
I am feeling like I'm at my end...and I don't want to get there...please help if you can.
LL
oh btw called h this am....he does have emotions...he was almost crying...he's tired of feeling this way too!!
what kind of person is LL???? the kind who will put on the baha men cd (the movie greatest hits) and dance in the middle of the kitchen till her son tells her to turn off the music...grrr!
the kind of person who will hang out and shoot darts
the kind of person who is at home at a back yard bbq as well as at a hoity toity tea party..
the kind of person who likes to talk and listen
the kind of person who likes to go to the theater or go to the video store
the kind of person who can be the life of the party or sit in the corner and watch the party
the kind of person who can go for a nature walk and enjoy all there is to see..who can go camping and not complain that there is no outlet for a hairdryer but can also go to a ball and look as elegant as any other woman.
the kind of person who can sit and chat with the moms about diapers and what not...but who can also talk about "real" life too..
the kind of person who can laugh and be silly but can also be serious
the kind of person who can (and does) cook a fine meal and serve it on china...but can also eat the same meal off a paper plate..or hell just order a pizza.
the kind of person who considers others feelings not just her own...
the kind of person who apperently gets walked on an awful lot.
I just want to be happy and have fun enjoying life...
LL--I have followed your sitch off and on for a while now. I had not been to piecing for a while(too hopeful as I am no where near here)and was shocked to come back and find that you were at your wits end. Then it got better for a few days and now you are back to this. Unfortunately this(and other sitches) has shown me that reconciliation is highly unlikely once trust has been broken, bridges have been burned. Both parties have to be 100% commited for each other, not for the children, it will not work if it is just for the children.
If my H were to wake up, not so sure I even care anymore, I know that he would not be moving in right away, in fact not for a long while. Healing has to take place and I think that there is too much pressure if you are living together for everything to be okay right away. In essence you are starting over again and things should be taken slowly just like in a new relationship. When you are living together it is almost like you are stuck with each other, what I mean by that is that one of you expects the other to be there for them, or they think that they should be there for the other and have trouble being themselves. "walking on eggshells" If you were to live apart for a while you could both choose the times you want to spend with each other with no pressure and take it from there.
Although I know that financially this may be difficult, I think that it would be well worth it if it meant a successful reconciliation. You would both gain your independence from each other and begin to heal. Another benefit to doing it this way is that if you find that you can't work things out your children won't get there hearts broken again by dad moving out again. Not to mention I think it would be easier on both adults for the same reasons. If it doesn't work out you just stop seeing each other, no one moves out again.
Just my opinion and how I would choose to do things if I had that chance, don't know if it would work, don't know if it is possible to get back what was lost by the actions of the WAS.
Tina
M 14 years, tog 20. 3 kids D-13, S-11, S-9. Bomb dropped June 1/02, sep Aug 11, living with OW since Oct/02.
