My first post has remained the only 'unanswered post' for the entire day... not the greatest self-esteem boost... but it was really long, and I will learn to keep things short and sweet If you have the time, please read it- because it contains all the details of my complicated situation.
I came to this site after reading DB. I am trying to remain hopeful and encouraged in a very bleak situation. Here's the cliff-notes on my previous post:
- I suffered from post-pardum for the first 2 years of our marriage. I was mean, aggressive and rejected almost every physical contact with him (unless I initiated) - I started to heal with medication and come out of my 'crazy' self... but the damaging foundation to our M was already done. - H avoided me and the house, this built resentment in me - I threatened D 3 years ago, and went on a 1 week get away, alone. Came back ready to stick it out...got pregnant with second child. -February this year, we both start IC. Me:to work on anger/control issues, H:to work on communicating feelings. - July this year, H drops the bomb: 'I love you, but not in love' 'I don't find you attractive anymore'. We separate, he moves out in August. - We start MC in August. I continue to also work with my IC, he decides that he doesn't need IC anymore. We share kid responsibilities and have scheduled family time and date time. I start to feel like we have a good chance of working things out. -November, he tells me that he's done. He wants a D. - I beg/convince him to give me 1 more month, he moves back in. -2 weeks later, he tells me that nothing has changed for him and is not hopeful that it ever will. Current status: We live together, he stays in the guest room (finances won't allow him to move out). He's angry/frustrated that he cant 'get out' of this environment. He's consulted with lawyer, started researching all the information necessary for a legal separation (our state requires a 1 year legal separation before any D papers can be filed.) We can't make any decisions about our house or future living situations because we are waiting to see what his next set of orders will be (we are a proud NAVY family) they will either keep him in this area for the next 3 years, or he will have to go overseas for a year, won't get an answer until after the new year. We continue MC with the goal to make sure that we are doing things right with the kids (little does he know that I am DBing!) I also continue to see my IC to help guide me through this devastation.
I have been trying to practice the 180 tips- they are really hard when all I want to do is beg, cry and convince him that I have grown so much and can now be the wife I should have been all along. He isn't mean, but he doesn't respond and seems relieved that I'm not talking to him... which really hurts. I have worked my a$$ off discovering/changing all the things I didn't like about who I had become- I am starting to like myself again I feel that all his anger and hurt has blinded him to seeing the 'new' me (which is the REAL me.)
Tips, support, hope, suggestions would all be greatly appreciated
M:31 H:31 2s: 5 and 18m T:9 M: almost 7 (our 7 year ann. is in 3 weeks) bomb: 7/11 sep:8/11, H moves out "I want D": 11/11
M-31, H-31 T-9, M-7 S-6, s-20mth sep 8/1/11 ILYNILWY 11/29/11 Creating separation papers. Discover H has feelings for BFF, she does too 1/11/12 H moves out 1.20.12
purgatory... stick with one post... your other post is a good start. details are important!
The changes you are making will make your life better with or without him. Don't stop working on what you need to do. You cannot force him to do anything. He has to come to his own conclusions.
Counseling is good! Sounds like you are on the right track. There is no quick fix here. It [censored], I know... but YOU CAN DO IT!!
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
If you have the time, please read it- because it contains all the details of my complicated situation.