WAW told me she idoesn't want to be married.

[witz10]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2204059&page=11

So I learned that once you hit a certain amount of posts the system locks it down. Interesting.

Above is my link to my previous posts regarding my situation.

Right now I am sitting in bed missing my wife and kids. I am reading about another WAW husband, Crimson and see a lot of our stories are the same. Funny how that works. I just wish common sense would kick in and help my W figure out and see the changes I have made. I am tired of being apart from my kids everyday. I have litterally raised them since birth. I worked form home when my son was born and I would take my daughter to work with me everyday for the first year. Only good benefit from my families business.
Now I get to go on Wednesday and drop my kids off at school and daycare then go empty my closet out.
This is my W weekend and I do get to seee them. Have a race in the morning with my W and kids then later in the day we are taking kids onto the polar express in NJ. Have to watch what I say and do. Be as helpful as I have been over the last few months and make a lasting impression. Small steps every time we are together.

[witz10]

Can really use some words of encouragement today. My W just sent over our separation agreement to look over and take to my attorney. Feel like crap.
How many times have I said I hate this. On Facebook I asked if anyone had a time machine or new phineas and ferb so they can build me one and I can go back in time and kick my own ass. If I had only had the balls to speak up and talk with my wife instead of pretending everything was ok. Would I be in this situation I don't know. I can't believe it has gotten this far.
She wants to sit down and talk about everything.

[Autumn Leaves]

I'm so sorry witz. I hear you on the time machine. I have thought something similar many times. If I could just go back to a few weeks before things turned, and do things differently. Unfortunately we can't, and we now have to focus on moving forward in a healthy direction, whatever that happens to be. It will be different for each and every one of us.

I'm sorry that your sitch took this turn. I hope someone who has been here longer will come in with some good advice for you.

[witz10]

Thank you again Autumn for understanding.

I am going to ask this is it weird to look into things that pop up out of nowhere or signs that things can get better. The license plate I saw when I parked my car has me weirded out. The chances of me taking the spot I got was very odd. I was pulling into another one just a minute before. But was stopped cause the guys door was open. So I pulled into the one behind me and see the license plate NEVR QUT. Found this rather odd since I just left my W at the elementary school after parent teacher conference.
Do we make our own destiny or is there really something else out there doing this to us to make us see our mistakes and make us better for this. After all the little things that have happened to me over this time I get my hopes up and then smashed in ways.

[witz10]

Here is another weird thing. Just got a new loan to work on. Borrowers first name is Melvyn this was my fathers name who passed away in 1994. Someone or something is telling me this is not over and I will reconcile.

[Autumn Leaves]

I think we can probably find signs if we are looking for them. Not saying that you shouldn't be encouraged because I think it is good to have hope. Just be careful not to get false hope (I know, I can say it to others and not take my own advice sometimes).

[witz10]

Funny thing is I really am not looking for this. I the license plate if I had stayed and waited for the guy to shut his door I would never have seen it. I don't know.

[Rick1963]

"Can really use some words of encouragement today. My W just sent over our separation agreement to look over and take to my attorney. Feel like crap."

wITZ10 I know how that^^^^^feels. You must focus on you and not her or the M. You must let her go if you want to survive this. I know the pain and how hard it is to do but you MUST DO IT. i know your mind will play tricks on you at times but take a deep breath and relax. Someone told a coulpe of months ago the same I am tellig yuou, let her go. Let her have what she wants. You can't stop it anyways. Some beat that it into my head so many times that it started to sink in even in the middle of my fog. Hang in there

[witz10]

Thanks Rick. I am focusing on me it is when I am by myself and with my own thoughts that is bad. Last week I was ok with what was going on. Now its more surreal. Yesterday when we left my sons school I could tell by her looking at me that she wanted to talk instead she wanted to email me. She can't look me in the eye and have a conversation with me. Its the guilt of being with OM.
I am going through DR right now and up to the infidelity part. I know I can move on. I know if we reconcile it will also be hard. This is a very hard fought road to travel on for all of us that are here going through it in his/her own way. I just would like the chance to give my kids a normal home . Raised by 2 loving parents. If givin the chance that is what I want. If it is ment to be then it is ment to be. If not then we will stay friends. We are in each others life for the rest of our lives, not just till kids turn 18.

[Rick1963]

"Its the guilt of being with OM."

witz I don't have experience with this^^^^. My stich is different as I don't think there is OP. I have read that the worse thing you can do is making her feel guilty. Others will hopefully will give you more advice. But I think it is the same. Work on you, make yourself look attractive, don't think of OM, W or the M. Think about this. The people who came here are special, really. Millions get D every year but only a few maked it here? Wonder why? So be the best dad and man you can be for now. Let her do what she wants since you can't stop it. Hang in there