Ownership is something they "get" and will own once they are forced to, and the sadness of their own choices hit them in the face unfortunately.
Hang in there. Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
Dunno where we are now, as, after our big "talk" about the next step (separation) and her out of the house for a few days before the New Year, I made the mistake of initiating ML (BIG mistake) and we are back in "la la" uncertainty land in both of our brains I think (but know I have the power to push this again)...also, selfishly, have a major work deliverable due the end of this month so thinking I need to wait until that gets in (on 1/27/12) before "rocking the boat" w/ separation...
Her bday is coming up this Friday and she said she's going to a going away party for a friend on Saturday and those same uneasy feelings are coming up again (is it truth or fiction/is there really a party for her friend or something else???).
NLG- I feel for where you are, it [censored] but will get better. My WAW moved out 5 months ago and I have 3 kids. Their were countless sleepless nights and almost unbearable emotional pain but I think based on what I've read that the seperation is necessary if you two are ever to R.
Have you read DR? Your R patterns seem pretty up and down so I would suggest you try to detach emotionally as much as possible from your W right now and give yourself a short time line goal, say a month and re-evaluate how you are doing. Do you want to R? I did not read your previous thread so I apologize if you have already addressed my thoughts.
Sorry for all the trouble. After years of being treated poorly, I told my W this morning that I want to sell the house and seperate. Quick run down of my sitch:
W had an EA October-November 2010, I set boundaries, tell her NC and she agrees. She does not backslide even through to today. But she is not good for me. Always angry, critical, not happy and not affectionate at all. She has depression. And both our MC and her IC sees it.
About a month ago my IC asked if I could live my life this way. Because most likely she will change very little if at all. I decided I can't.
I love her and this hurts but I know it is something I must do for myself. And I will not go back. I have not been perfect but I am a good man worthy of love and comfort and understanding.
As are you NLG... We are not doormats. I finally reached my point of no return. And trust me when I tell you that I have to fight myself not to go back. But I WILL NOT go back. Because there is nothing left there for me.
I feel sad. Very sad. But sure in my decision.
I hope you find piece in your decision as well.
And just a bit of advise. No more ML... It confuses everything.
AGood luck!
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
I am more at peace with this than you can ever imagine.
The extreme fear I have is the unknown.
The extreme excitment I have is the unknown.
Life is awesome!!!
M: 42 - W: 41 - M: 18 - T: 23 - D:16 S:14 EA - July 2010 NC w/EA - Nov 2010 Piecing - Jan 2011 I ask for div - Jan 2012 Div papers filed - Mar 2012 I move out - July 2012 Divorce final - Nov 7, 2012
