This past Nov I worked my 180 to a T! I learned A LOT about myself. I realized that I was not demonstrating love correctly to H. I began praising him, complimenting him, appreciating him. Praising him in front of others (he liked this!). Since then he comes over more often, calls to talk about work!, isn't as attached to his cell, initiating family outings again! BUT BUT BUT I found out he is not always spending the night at his parents. Today my 3yo son said they went to lunch with OW! (He says it's not true :-/) When I approached him about it he said that he is staying with friends, that OW and him rarely see each other since he spends most of his time with kids, also he said "I wouldn't lose sleep if I NEVER saw her again..." (interesting, I thought) I have a feeling OW is the one that's keeping the connection between them (whatever's left of it). However, he said he didn't leave me because he was in love with someone else, but because he wasn't happy with us. So now what?? I'm doing the 180 not just with him but with everyone. I've improved my relationship with my family and friends, AND his family. I GAL and it's great, but I want him home!! I have to understand it's been 1mos of 180 and we're going on 2mos at the end of Dec. I need encouragement! DESPERATELY!!
M 42 H 39 T10 (-2yrs separation) S8 D5 DD 7/30/11 (EA&PA) Reconciled 6/2013 Separation in works 1/2017
Keep at it. It's a process that takes baby steps forward and you will find it slips back from time to time. The OW is much like a virus/parasite that is something that takes time to get rid of. They have to go through their process, as distasteful as it might be to us.
And as you'll find with many on this board... we'll be doing great.. .then something hits us like a ton of bricks and we all backslide, want to throw in the towel... and just roll into a ball and go to sleep. It happens, expect it. Have a source (here) and friends to vent to, to get through it.
Abbey
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
When you are happy as an individual... you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
I hope the 180 is for you too. As for the OW... you need to trust your instincts. Believe what he DOES, not what he says.
DBing is a lengthy process - yes longer than two months. As Abbey said... there are good days and bad days... just keep plugging along. You're doing great!!
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
The OW is much like a virus/parasite that is something that takes time to get rid of. They have to go through their process, as distasteful as it might be to us Abbey
So true, Abbey. Just when I think OW is out of the picture, she sneaks back in. Seems more like a cancer than a virus. LOL. I'm hoping in my case, she's the curable kind.
M:12yr 06/11:IDLYA 07/11:Moves out 08/11:PA disc(began in May) 09/11:Moves w OW 10/11:Breaks up w OW;gets apt 11&12/11: Touchngo w me 1/12: Comes home-PA resumes 2/12: PA disc; PA ends Today: Piecing
He's cheating on the OW and GF with the other? Oh that's rich. OMG. Does the other know?
Best thing I can suggest at this point and imagine the fireworks that will happen once either they find out... or if they know about eachother... the one up manship starts to happen between the 2 women. Women do NOT like to share. MEOW Take great solace that poop is going to hit the fan where he's concerned.
Take care of you. Abs
T:22, M:20 H:55 Me:45 H-OW PA: N/07 OW Jan08 Bomb:Feb/08 S: Apr/08 Back together Ap1/09-Sept/11 Oct, 2011, uncertain future/H is a mess. Dec/11 - Doin'friend mode. Some days are better than others.
