lack of family support

[witz10]

I am writing here because I don't have a place to post on my usual link for some reason.
Today at work i was sitting at my computer and even though i was listening to spotify i could hear my brother and mother talking about my W. My brother asked what my mom did for my W's birthday. She gave her a gift card. Then i heard the comment well she would have done more if they were married. After hearing this i was pissed. I am not d'd yet we are separated and have a separation agreement being worked up. I am still fighting for us. I am doing the last resort technique as best i can with kids.
I know my mom is pissed at my w for hurting her baby but come on a little support would be nice.
I left work so angry. If i could move from her basement or have a new job i don't think i would have anything to do with these people.
Yea i still partially blame them also for my situation.

[Crimson]

If it makes you feel any better, and it won't, I get the same from my mom and sister. They fully expect me to be in a place where I can just say "good-bye and good luck" to my W. I get that they are mad b/c she is putting their son/brother through pain - but I don't think that they understand the feelings that I ("we" here in general) still maintain for our wives. It's almost as if they think we are breaking up with our college girlfriend or something - when it is much, much more complicated than that. We have a child together, we are/were married.....it's deeper than they can feel for us right now.

Counselor told me that I need to establish boundaries with them on the topic of W asap. Maybe you should consider the same.

Crimson

[Rick1963]

My 2 cents, stop talking to them about W and your sitch. I know it is hard but family will find and ax to grind about our WAS. It is not helpful. I am slowly not venting to family and friends hard to do but we must. Imagine if you reconcile but said intimate stuff to those peoPle about our S and the R.

[witz10]

Funny thing is I usually don't talk to my mom or brother about my W. I usually talk with my sister cause she was separated from her husband last year for 10 months. She kicked him out to get him to realize what was wrong.
By working with my family for as long as I have, which my wife has been wanting me out of for years, I have learned to dislike my family. I know they will always be there. If I had to choose my family or my W and kids easy choice W and kids hands down never look back and it would be my families loss. I wanted to do that tonight I am tired of the yelling at work and illogical ways things get done. Drives me crazy.
This site is a great place to vent and get things off your chest. Even if you get know responses sometimes.
Thank you for responding. Its one baby step at a time now a days.

[verycrazy]

I agree with the other posters, you have to establish boundaries with your family in regards to talking about your wife around you. What they do behind your back is their business. If your sister tells them what you tell her, then you may have to back off telling her things, too. I never told anyone in my family or my H's, and now things are okay, I am really glad no one knew.

Personally, I think it would be good for you and potentially your M if you were able to get another job, and eventually get another place to live, because even though you seem to have a close family, they are too much in your stuff.

And no, as long as you are married, you don't date anyone. It will not make your W get jealous, and come running back to you.
It just isn't a good idea to toy with that.

And I don't think your situation sounds hopeless. Good luck.

vc

[witz10]

Thank you for the input. My family is way to close and i realized that after moving back from california. 2500 miles is a good distance to be from my family. Looking for another job keep checking siteseach week. Tough when you do freelance film and tv work to give up the dream and start at the bottom of somwthing else. I just have to suck it up amd take it.
I don't plan on dating right now. I might just meet as friends that is what i have listed not doing the relationship thing now.
Saw my w at the gym today not sure if she saw me she was in the front riding a bike and i was in the back doing weights. I saw her when i went to do my cardio. My view was blocked by a piller so i didn't really see her. I walked away from my machine and turned to go do abs and think i saw her out of the corner of my eye. If she said anything i don't know i had my earbuds in. She went and saw kids they told me she was there.

[witz10]

my goal is the new job plus pay down most of my credit while i am at my moms. Then find a place near my condo so i can be closer to my kids.

[witz10]

Later today, now that I look at the clock, I am meeting my W at the Moose lodge for santas visit with my kids and of course other kids. I am a tad bit nervous to see how everything goes in general and see what the conversation will be like. She went out last night for a girls night. Ironically all of the girls she went with are single or divorced. Wait one is still married if she went. Oh well we shall see how this goes. Also after we are done at the lodge I will take my kids back to my moms or out somewhere not sure yet. They eat dinner with me then back home.
I am thnking of doing a quick drop off see how that goes. Also get to see her Monday morning for parent teacher conference. Who would have thought going Dark/Dim would be this difficult not to see your S.

[antlers]

When someone is being hurt so bad, it's understandable that their family members are going to get mad at the source of their loved one's pain.

[verycrazy]

I don't believe the boundaries were ever put in place, even well before this took place. You know, we are to forsake all others, that includes leaving our mother and father and cleave unto our spouses. That being said, it's too late to close the barn door after the horse has escaped. However, boundaries are still called for in how this situation is dealt with.
Of course, your family is feeling hurt for you, and justifiable anger towards your W. However, sometimes family members can be like the little foxes that spoil the grapes. They can come between the spousal R, and that is not good.
That is why we should all watch what we say,and who we choose to tell our marital problems to.
vc