living in limbo

[learning2listen]

so my h is moving 130 miles away, we are suppose to go have lunch today to discuss the whole thing, however the way my clock reads is it is lunch time and i havent heard from him.. he leaves Saturday for 2 weeks and has made no effort to see his d...

At this point all I see is me planning my days and nights around what he decides to do.. I need to stop this... He made his choice. and at least for right now it does not include the kids or me.

I asked him point blank if we are getting divorced and he said he did not say that.
what does he expect to happen living 130 miles away? hmmmmm

[Autumn Leaves]

I'm sorry L2L, the not knowing is so difficult. I absolutely hate the limbo.

I'm still living with my H which has its own set of craziness. In the down times he will say mean things, the next day apologize and say "we'll talk tonight" and that talk never happens. He pretends it didn't happen, and I don't want to bring up R talk if I am truly DB'ing. Ugh

I'm hoping that since your H has already made the decision to move, that the distance will help him to see the woman that you are becoming. I'm hoping that this will work for your best interest.

[learning2listen]

I get the feelin that once he is truly alone... (no roommates..) that he will see things differently.

Today lunch went sort of as I expected, he was vague, but said he was only taking the job because me and the kids are his priority, boy does he have a funny way of showing it.

He also said our future together seems pretty bleak. that he doesnt see how we can work on us with him being so far away. He complained about having no money, which i have no idea why he doesnt have money. Or his idea of no money is very different from mine.

He said he doesnt want to be all negative but also doesnt want to hang a carrot out there that has no hope so right now he just plain doesnt know.. yet some of the things he says clearly he is planning a future with out his family.

I know when he has no one, he will start to see things differently and I think he knows that too. so here I sit , still in limbo.

I will say, I did actually get angry today, i slammed his truck door when he was dropping me off, it was more by accident, but non the less he did notice and made it a point to ask... I said "no, im not angry... " he seem to question that, but maybe its time he start to wonder what Im thinking...

I told him I wasnt ready to call it quits, and only when it truly brings me peace will I know my decision. he seem to agree with that, and he said we should wait at least til he gets moved before we decide anything...

He seems to bounce between sanity and alien behavior pretty quickly...

still in limbo...

[NLW]

Hi L2L,

Just a bit worried you might have your hopes up a bit too high - for the short term at least.

"I get the feelin that once he is truly alone... (no roommates..) that he will see things differently."

From my experience (limited as it is) he won't tell you even if he does have doubts about the merit of his decision.

And yes:
"He seems to bounce between sanity and alien behavior pretty quickly..."

Absolutely, but the sanity often becomes less and less frequent in the short term.

Just saying, be prepared for the long haul here.

[sayitaintso]

L2L- The limbo we are in can be so frustrating at times. I'm sorry your in this position but you are not alone. Use these next 2 weeks and beyond to detach as much as possible from your h. What are your GAL activities? Continue the ones you have and add more however you can. You may have to get out of your comfort zone but the more you do the better you will feel.

The increase feelings of self-confidence, empowerment, etc that GAL bring will radiate through to your husband whether he consiously or subconciously notices and eventually he is going to question his motives, actions, etc.

Best!!

[learning2listen]

Really replaying the conversation from yesterday in my head...some of his statements say he has no idea what he is doing and the only reason he is moving to the new place is because of me and the kids...

then in other statements i think he is very clear on his actions.. he seems negative in some aspects and not so negative in others...

THe facts i do know are, he will know noone in the new city, he will not be able to just pick up the phone and call a friend to go have a beer etc.. he has lived most of his life here and he is not going to like being alone.. (biggest complaint he had just before we separated was he felt he was always alone.)I guess time will tell..

THe girls and I will be ok regardless. This I know...

[learning2listen]

Spent a wonderful weekend with my kids..we put the Christmas tree up and did a little shopping.. it was so nice..these are the moments I treasure...

I heard next to nothing from my H, and I have come to realize this is his path..as adults we are responsible for our actions and the damage he is doing with me and the childern is his burden.

I do not understand his behavorior but i am getting better at accepting it and just living my life.. it by no means is easy and at times I want to crawl into a corner and suck my thumb..but I look at those 2 beautiful girls of mine and I know I need to be strong and show them happiness..

I have no idea what the future holds and this road will continue to be rocky but it doesnt need to be for them. THey need the security and love I give them.

Today I am ok, each hour I realize this more and more.

[Grace_O]

l2l,

I'm glad you had such a nice weekend!

I heard next to nothing from my H, and I have come to realize this is his path.

Yeah, it is. It does take time to accept it and you sound like you're in a good place with it today.

Remember,(even in the moments when the girls are making you crazy)that the tough stuff and how we handle it are probably better markers for our relationships than the easy/good stuff. You and you girls with have the memories of both for a lifetime.

HUGS

[learning2listen]

I had another great night with my kids..
I still think and hurt, but I am so blessed with my daughters.. each offering there own form of wisdom without even knowing it..

Life is fluid, ever changing.. how we look at it and mold with it forges the road ahead...

I am by no means giving up my H, but I am trying hour by hour to know that this is my time to breath... this is my time to dig deep inside me and find the strength to go on..

This has by far been the most painful few months.. but the reality is this is my reality..I can wallow, beg plead, throw guilt trips... but I am better than that...I have made mistakes, some out of my control and some just plain dumb... but I will not take one more minute forgranted. I will find my own peace. I get knocked down, the sorrow overwelms me at times, but I will get through this... this is my promise to myself. I will reread my good days when I start to backside.. I will look to the future as a gift.

[Autumn Leaves]

That is a fantastic outlook L2L, and you may need to re-read this at some point but based on so many who are further along the path, it will get easier and does