just floating...need direction!

[abbey1989]

My old post was too large so starting a new thread.....so here I am. I see there is another abbey posting here now.

Since I last posted:

Went on my girls trip and didn't hire PI or interrogate spouse.
DB coach advised that a friend seeks another friend with courage. I guess she was talking about me? I obsessed about H having 3 nights alone (without kids now in college) to do as he pleased. But in reality....he does that every day anyway. I'm sure he told me exactly what he wanted to and left out his favorite details.

Finally did see a doctor and got some happy pills. By golly I think they are starting to work. At least I don't obsess as much about H and his OW.

The whole family spent Thanksgiving week up near Yosemite. Had fun. H and I took a drive, got lost, but saw and learned about some amazing CA history. All in all...hanging in there. OH! Finally had tests and no STDS.

A.

[abbey1989]

Oh...another thing...
H (who has been helping OW build her groovy house) took my mom's latest Sunset magazine where there was a great contemp. house in Marin. I KNOW he took it for ideas for her (OW's) house. So today I asked him for that magazine....when I couldn't find it. OF COURSE...it was in his truck. He did give it to me though. I have to thrwart the OW plan whenever possible. He'll have to work from memory. ha ha.

[Abbey]

Think of it as a chess match. Think through your actions (whenever possible - we all slip up from time to time) but view this as a long haul chess match.

Happy pills WORK. Thank goodness!

[abbey1989]

So...I pulled up building permit public records (i know i know) and H sure enough called in OW's last inspection. It passed. bummer. This was on 11/15. 2 weeks ago!!!

I printed out that page and put it in his in basket. I want him to KNOW that I KNOW. I have been dealing with this for 3 years. Seriously. Right now I am feeling pretty numb. I do not deserve this.

Tonight he lied....caught him in it....he said he was stopping by my parents house on a way to a business meeting to drop of something that my dad needed to fix my son's car. But then...5 minutes later....my parents showed up at our house headed out to dinner. I said...OH...H is headed to your house to drop of the parts you need and my dad looked puzzled (like really puzzled) and said he spoke with him 30 minutes ago and he had told H that he had everything. When parents left...I called H and I said "oh just wanted to save you a trip to my parent's house...my dad has the parts he needs. he said he talked to you 30 minutes ago." H had told me he was dropping by parts but then when I called him he said, oh no, I was just dropping by to kill time. OK I'm not a complete moron. I know what I heard. Then he called me back a bunch of times and I didn't answer. He knows he was caught in his lie. Whatever.

Tonight I'm beyond being sad. Just pretty tired. I'm sure you know how it goes.

Did I mention that he is currently not working....and working on OW's house for free? I'm going to try to act excited when he sees the page that I left on his chair and say "Hey...have we billed her yet?"

[sandycay]

Abbey~ I hope you are well and I would do or have done the same thing. Sometimes enough is enough! And I would bill her!

[NNP1965]

He knows he was caught in his lie. Whatever.

yep, he knows and you know and he knows you know. so now what? you're let him think it is okay with you.

being passive aggressive is doing you no good. you print something out and wait for him to notice so you can zing him? what about being upfront and billing her for his time, or at least reminding him to do so.

just a thought. I am glad you are posting again

[abbey1989]

I guess I just don't really know the best way to confront. Or maybe it doesn't have to be a confrontation, but just a calm discussion about a job he is doing in the neighboring town. I don't want it to seem like I have been spying.

I ended up leaving the info on his office chair, left it there all night but he never saw it so I snagged it in the middle of the night. I was sick to my stomach and couldn't sleep. I feel like I'm living with Jekyll and Hyde. The morning after I was up all night worrying, (and sick with cold/flu), i went to work and then he brought me starbucks to the office. That was nice. But then he can be sneaky and deceiptful and I don't know that I can ever trust what he is telling me is true again. Last time I brought up the subject, he didn't speak to me for over a day.

UGH. I know I need to work on me some more. I just get so *amn angry sometimes. I just want everything out in the open but I'm not sure i'm ready to deal with everything that will mean.

I am now working full time in kind of a sucky boring job, making half of what I was making 5 years ago just to provide benefits for the family. H hasn't brought in a paycheck since Sept. yet he always seems to have cash. He never uses his debit card to pay for anything. I think his M.O. is to go to the gas station, and get cash back there. Untraceable.

S20 is moving home for school next semester. He wasn't super happy at the private school so we all decided why spend all of the $$ if we didn't need to. He just has a couple classes to finish and then will transfer to a public univ. next fall. He even applied to the local college where the OW skanky B works. I told my son I hope he doesn't go to school there, and that I can't stand that place (I went there last semester when I found out that is where she worked!). He keeps asking me..."mom why do you hate that school?" I just tell him I have my reasons.

So...that's all for now. H did stay home all day Saturday and helped me decorate for xmas and then yesterday he was also home most of the day but managed to "ecape" to a "bike shop" for a few hours.

H always finds excuses to be in her neck of the woods. He doesn't even have a ligit project over that way (except for hers).

[NNP1965]

Abbey, I want to offer you a hug. I hope my last post did not seem too harsh. You are the person who has to live with your decisions and if you're not ready to get things out in the open then you're just not ready.

Exactly three years ago this month my world imploded, I got the courage to blow my (now) xh cover and let him know that I knew he was having an affair. What followed was nothing like I expected... some good some bad. Hindsight is 20/20 and looking back there are things I wish I had done differently. But the fact is I did them and although things have not turned out like I hoped they would in the end... I will admit that the life I have now is much better than what I had.

Once in a while I even wish "I didn't know now what I didn't know then" but the truth is God has better things in store for me than the way I was living and I had to take a leap of faith to figure that out.

[NNP1965]

Raising two boys alone... challenging
Selling my home and moving my children... difficult
Giving up the dreams I had for our life... heart breaking
No longer having to put up with cheating and lying... PRICELESS

[NNP1965]

I apologize... I meant to post the above in my own thread. UGH it won't let me edit. sorry to take up your space.