Hi Guys! It's been a while since I've been on here, but I could use some advice. Quick overview... Discovered my H's affair in January 2010. I stayed for 8 months trying to save our marriage via all methods while he kept cheating. Big D was finalized in August 2010. We don't have any kids, no lasting financial matters to work out... Last time I saw my exH, I asked him for no contact. I told him that I wasn't interested in being friends with him and that I didn't want to see or hear from him again. I needed time to heal and I couldn't do that while maintaining any kind of relationship with him. Right off the bat, he was texting and e-mailing to see how I was, wishing me happy holidays. I sent him one note back telling him that he didn't have any right to know about my life anymore and to please leave me alone!
Since then, he texts every holiday and birthday to "wish me well." He even has sent me a couple of texts and e-mails saying that he needs to talk to me about something important. I've changed my number but he gets it again - assuming from mutual friends.
So, now it's been over a year and I know it's only been like 10 texts and two e-mails... but I don't want them anymore. They don't make me feel good to get. I know he sends them so he can feel better about himself and I've ignored him completely since that first text, but what can I do to get him to stop?
I've thought about sending him a text to ask him again, but that might just facilitate more communication. I thought about sending something to the woman he cheated on me with to ask her to get him to stop, but then does she feel validation for her part in it b/c obviously I'm a B#@$%h? Do I send something to his boss, but is it wrong to involve her in this? she doesn't need to get involved in all this drama.
I don't think I have any legal options... I delete the texts and e-mails as soon as I get them... I just want to be free from him.
I'd appreciate any advice! Thank you!
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
Tell your friends not to give out your number to him or not give out your number period.
Send him an email stating that it if he keeps contacting you, that you will take legal action. He doesn't have to know what "legal actions" just state that fact that he is part of your past that you do not want to revisit.
"STOP TEXTING ME!!!" is what I received. She was screaming at me via text. It was effective. I'm done. Maybe it'll work for you.
Or the other option would be to start texting and emailing him incessantly, like an LBS in full pursuit mode... that should get him running away very quickly...
Blocking is best. Any response can be taken as encouragement. If it keeps up - you can talk to your lawyer about harrassment. Or text ONE TIME and use that word.
Look, holiday greetings do not constitute harassment and you have no real idea what is motivating him.
I'm curious, is there some reason you don't want to hear what he wants to share with you?
How about: "XH, these emails and texts aren't working for me. I understand you have something you want to share with me. How about coffee?"
Then, have coffee.
After coffee, choose one of these:
(1) Thanks for sharing that. I hope it helped you move forward. I need some time to process our conversation.
(2) Thanks for sharing that. I hope it helped you move forward. Now I must firmly request that you respect my boundary and stop all contact with me.
(3) I have heard what you wanted to share. Now please cease all attempts to contact me. I will view any future communication as harassment. (Not recommended except in very extreme cases.)
Thanks for the tips! I have already put a filter on my e-mail but I didn't know you could block numbers on cell phones. I'll do some research into that. Thank you!
There are many reasons why I don't want to hear from him anymore. I don't like the person I was last year during those 8 months I was trying to save my marriage while he was cheating on me and treating me so terribly. I don't ever want to go back to that again. I'm also following through... I said there wasn't enough room for both me and his mistress... I asked him to choose and since he didn't get rid of her, I removed myself. He can't have us both.
I also know that nothing has changed with him. He's still lying to make himself look good. He told all his friends and colleagues that we divorced because I got this great new job that required me to travel and he just wanted to make happy. He was telling a mutual friend a few months ago that he has "started dating again," and has found a new girl. BS!! it's the same one! the one he cheating on me with.
Obviously I still have a lot of anger. I'm working on it, but the texts/e-mails don't help. Thanks for the advice again. I'll work on getting the number blocked.
When you are happy as an individual, you are in a better position to determine whether a partner enhances your happy life or weighs it down.
