I’ll repost first post, since it takes so long to get posted.
So after 5 years of marriage and being together for 7 years my wife told me she was moving out of the house and in with her parents (11/7/11). She told me she needed time to think and needed space. She said she wasn’t sure if she loved me anymore and wasn’t sure if she wanted to or had the energy to try to work things out. She kept saying she didn’t want me to hate her or be mad at her. She never said she wanted a divorce, only a separation so she could be on her own for a while. Of course this came as a shock to me, I knew we had our ups and downs but we always came out ok (or I thought we did). We had just taken a vacation together to Florida (Oct 23-39) which I thought went well. Our sex life was fantastic. She said lack of communication was the biggest issue. She said she couldn’t believe I couldn’t see that something was wrong. She was feeling so depressed and I never noticed. I have a very stressful job (Law Enforcement) and I know I let it get the better of me and sometimes shut down. I know I can do better communicating (thanks to a lot of self help reading I did these past few days), but feel I may never get a chance to show her. I never cheated on her, never physically abused her, and never talked down to her. We have a son that is 4. Since she moved out we have been in contact mostly about arrangements for our son. Some mornings she comes to the house to pick our son up before I go to work, and she sleeps in our bed after I leave for work. (Hopefully that is a good sign). When we do see each other I always ask her about her day, and activly listen to her. She has agreed to marriage counseling which we start tonight. I also told her I was willing to seek therapy for myself to get better. I am just worried she is only doing this so we can be friends for our son. I am willing to do anything it takes to get her back. This last week has been the hardest week of my life. I don’t think I could be just friends with her. Any help on this heartbreak would be great.
I did read the 37 rules (great btw, though I broke some of them at first, but am sticking to them now)
Last night was our first marriage counseling session. I thought it went well, although it was a “me” bashing session. During the session I realized I was the problem in our marriage. We discovered I am an alcoholic, controlling, and depressed. The therapist really did a great job explaining why I was that way to my wife which really helped her understand way. When she was asked if she wanted this to work, she still responded she wasn’t sure. She said she probably wouldn’t want to work it out if she didn’t care about hurting me. I agreed to quit drinking, give up total control of our bank accounts (although she had already opened her own bank account), respect her decisions and opinions, and become a better communicator. He gave us homework to read “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz and make a list of issues that need to change (which I pretty much had already done). We both agreed to another session, but she wanted us to go separate. At the end of the night when we got home, she did hug me before she left back to her parents’ house. (Not sure if she hugged me because she wanted to, or she knew I was going to ask for one). She showed up this morning to watch our son before I went to work and we had a great conversation about just random general topics. I asked her if she knew where my wedding band was (I never wore it because I’m a Corrections Officer and I don’t like inmates knowing I’m married.), so I can where it around when I’m not at work to constantly remind me why I don’t want to drink. When I got home from work and asked her about her day, she said she was lazy and just slept, took a shower and lay around. Of coarse I told her she deserved to have a day like that every now and then. We talked more about general topics and she gave me my wedding ring. I had asked her if she wanted to sell our time share or keep it, and she said lets keep it for now. I then told her this morning was our best conversation we had in a long time and it made me feel really good. She agreed, and began talking about our session last night. She said she thought it was really good and was excited to go back. She accepted that she was to blame on some things, and was glad we can work things out to be at least friends for our son. I told her I will try, but wasn’t totally sure I could be just friends, and it might be very difficult, but for our son I would do my best. She reiterated the she still wasn’t sure what she wanted, and not to get my hopes up. She felt like she may never get over the feeling of “walking on eggshells” but was open to the idea counseling may help and was worried what would happen if I reverted back to my old ways. She knew I was sincere, but wasn’t sure if she could risk it. She left to work say good bye and that she would be buy to pick up our son tonight.
There are some holes in the “story” I can fill in if needed. Please any advice would be great!
M 33 W 29 S 4 M 5 T 7 11/7/11 Separation, W moves in with parents 12/1/11 W: "IDLY, I'm not coming back, it's over" 1/7/12 D Bomb Dropped
