Im going to be a lil blunt incase Mr. Shinybear reads this one....
Dude what is the name here??? Oh yeah... Divorce busting.. Thats right.. Not, find an online affair and get your "groove thing on."
Ok maybe there has been some online flirting... Its not like we have been "secretly" having "ONLINE AFFAIRS." Most of us here are broken hearted, our emotions, dignity, self esteem, and our mentel state has been shot to hell. Now you want to get on her for expressing common curtosey???? GET REAL!
Think about it... SB came here to figure out how to "fix" her marriage, not find a replacement for you.
You have a good woman dude. One that anyone would be lucky to have... The thing is you have her... And you want to accuse her of F'cking up your marriage on "DIVORCEBUSTING" by looking for another man????
You are the luckiest man in the world. You have a forgiving woman, who has been through h'll and back hoping that your happy @$$ would come back to her.
Now, you both have a lot of issues to over come. Trust is a big factor for both of you... You both hurt, you both need to heal, and you both love each other... Now, try divorcebusting your @$$ off for shinybear and see what kind of loving, caring relationship you can have.
Good Luck to you both. I would love to see you guys pull through this.
My apologies for being an @$$hole...
pardon me for my foul language... I dont know what came over me.
Most people out side of this web site probably told your wife to forget about you and move on...
We supported her decsion to try and make her marriage better, and try to win you back. You want to accuse her of "flirting?"
Quit placing your guilt on your wife... Fix your marriage, move on. I hope I never have to see either one of you on this board again because the both of you are living happily ever after. I want to see your story in success... How is success going to happen if non sense acusations are going on?
Wonder how H is going to take your posts. I'm printing them out right now.
He really has no support outside of me right now, and I'm sure he could benefit from being here on the bb.
We'll see. What I need from him first, is assurance that he won't start demanding that I don't post details, or such. And that he won't "freak out" about the little riffs we all get going some time.
He's already asked me to "go a few days" without checking in, so as to have more quality time with him.
I was doing just that a couple of weeks ago, if you recall. Just back on here like crazy given the latest twists.
SB, I haven't been around much, but I just wanted you to know that you're strong enough to get through this. Pull up a chair, and listen to yet another one of my bedtime stories.
A long time ago, when my W and I were a very young couple with an infant, we lived in a crappy townhouse. A HUGE storm came through town. We didn't have any power, a couple of windows broke, there was water everywhere in the house, and the winds had pretty much dislodged everything that wasn't nailed down, and even a few things that were! This probably went on for about 6 hours, and it was an absolute nightmare.
Finally, the storm let up, and my W and I had stopped running around like crazy people, and the reality of the situation hit us smack in the face. The carpets were ruined, glass everywhere. We were one of those houses you see on the news. W was crying, baby was crying, and I was wandering around the house in complete disbelief.
I finally looked over at W, and said with mock seriousness, "Well, I've seen worse." I guess it's our sense of humor, but W and I started laughing about it. We both rolled up our sleeves, and got to work. It took a lot of really hard work, but we got the house cleaned up and repaired. After a few months, you couldn't tell that anything had happened.
So SB, you guys just had the storm hit your house. It sounds to me like your H is rolling up his sleeves. How about you? I guess the moral of that story is that no matter how messed up your house looks at the time, with a lot of hard work, and cooperation, you can get it cleaned up. <Sound of book slamming shut>
Jim
I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.
SB, maybe he doesn't need to read so much, would you two benefit from donating your printer to charity? Hang in there he has a lot of remorse to process.
Hi SB. I hope your H realizes what a special person you are for being honest about things on this bb. It is this blunt honesty that each of us say here that keeps us going. Most of the time, we know the answer to any question we post here, but yet we cannot put it into words. Then along comes someone with the right words at the right moment that allows us to understand ourselves a little better and gives us the strength to keep fighting for out marriages. I hope your H can see that.
What we are all going through is hard enough without a spouse being suspicious of what goes on here. This isn't AOL for petes sake. I feel a bond with everyone here. It is an anonymous bond, but a strong one.
My W the psychologist (unsure if I should call her that now...) has said that this kind of forum is great for what we are doing. And I agree. Just because he couldn't control his flirtations, doesn't mean you wouldn't be able to either. I haven't felt that you are flirting with anyone. I see a kind person who is in pain, but still tries to help others. Rare. And special.
I hope he follows through with seeking a C. Perhaps he wouldn't be as afraid of seeing one if you helped him pick one? My W is very grateful for the research I did to find our MC. She stopped her affair because of it.
SB -- SORRY I wasn't around yesterday afternoon to respond to your post! I'm really sorry to hear about the fight you guys had -- sure sounds like a doozy -- but happy to hear that you guys are using it aas a big step forward to straighten this thing out.
First off, let me say that I thought I was your valentine!!! You mean you asked a bunch of other people on the boards, too???? Harumph. Mr. SB, please know that I'm a hetero woman working hard on my marriage -- I'm only interested in your W. if she gives me candy next year for V-day!!!
In all seriousness, I sometimes think it's hard for our Ses to understand that despite their betrayals (and particularly when so many of them are via the internet) that we could come to a place, share intimate details and NOT be looking to score. But, guess what, we're not...and anyone who takes the time to REALLY read through a bunch of posts will wade through the humor and find pain, acceptance, support, all the things that make this a darned special place.
As for the fight, SB, I think if you printed out your description of it, you would find fodder for plenty of "areas of growth" (or sources of 180s) for you. I don't mean that in a harsh way -- I just mean that I think the fight brought out some pretty startling extremes and if you scale those back a bit and assume that some of those behaviors are areas to work on (the sarcasm, the defensiveness, etc) you'll be in good shape. Please note that I'm not suggesting that you print it out for H. to read so he can change his behaviors....he's got stuff to work on too!!! But, I think he needs to get there with your support but really, on his own.
I'm sort of curious and confused about his request that you stay off of the boards....I never got the sense that you were ignoring him as a result so (when you get back) what do you think the "payoff" of that request is????
I'm sending you (platonic ) hugs and lots of support. You done good, girl, again and again. Now, get back to DB'ing!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
P.S. I'd still like to hear opinions on the flirting stuff...notice how MAL says I don't flirt, but Cal says some of my stuff might be construed as flirting
I had this discussion once upon a time with my H. Sometimes when you're just being friendly and happy, it can come across to someone else as flirtation. So your intention may not have been to flirt but it could be interpreted by someone else as flirting. So I just used the term "flirting" to describe anything that could fall into that category - your H may consider it flirting even if you don't...?
You mean you asked a bunch of other people on the boards, too???? Harumph. Mr. SB, please know that I'm a hetero woman working hard on my marriage -- I'm only interested in your W. if she gives me candy next year for V-day!!!
) hugs and lots of support. You done good, girl, again and again. Now, get back to DB'ing!
