I am switching list since it seems that this forum applies to my sitch now more so then the newbie one.. you can read my previouse post on the newbie list under Alcoholic H decided he wants D...sorry, dont know how to forward them. in a nutshell...my H and I have been seperated for 2 yrs due to his drinking problem and many other things that came to light after he stopped drinking. He has been sobber for 20 months now, he started a program 6 months after i moved out with our Ss. after he started program we lived like we were still a couple, just not in the same household. spent every day together and he was the most involved with our son then he has ever been. suddenly 2 months ago after about 7 weeks of strange behavior he text me that he wanted a divorce and would not discuss anything. of course I begged pleaded and cried..all the wrong things then about a week ago on a huntch went to our house on a sun. morning and cought him in our bed with OW..he text me later that day and said sorry you had to find out that way, i wanted to tell you but couldnt. I have filed for D due to financial reasons only...he is not helping much since the D bomb and we are in bad shape. I dont now want this D and am hoping to turn things around but just am not doing a good job of it...over the weekend he finally started spending time with our S14 again so we have had contact. He actually came and did some work on my truck for me and was pleasant...we are going to coparenting sessions and he has agreed to keep that up...I am hoping that it will lead to MC but that is probably not DB so I wonder if this is MLC related ...he says his sobriety is the most important thing right now and I have been the cause of his drinking, which feels like a major cop out...have no idea if the A is still going on, were they met or who she is... any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
Me:48 H:42 M: 18 yrs. S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H D bomb: 9/9/11 OW confirmed 10/30/11 D papers filed 11/01/11 S15 S21(Special needs) S28
Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
The stages of MLC are a template which can only be laid over an MLCer's experience retrospectively. It's impossible to see the pattern until it has finished being laid or the crisis is complete.(nickel Cyrena). So do not be too concerned where your MLC'er is in this process. (Although my general guess is that they are in REPLAY)
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what she says and 50% of what she does.
I would not ask her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. GAL. Detach the single most important thing to DO. Use the time that your W has given you as a gift to start to work on yourself.
I have been reading and rereading the books for the past 3 months, It is actually my H that has decided he wants D... I will read the links that you posted and thank you so much for the information.
Me:48 H:42 M: 18 yrs. S: 9/1/09 due to alcoholic H D bomb: 9/9/11 OW confirmed 10/30/11 D papers filed 11/01/11 S15 S21(Special needs) S28
Look to yourself, It is there that all your answers are found...
I see that you filed for financial protection, is that your only option or can you have a separation agreement in your state?
Just know that whether you are divorced or not it is not going to speed up what is happening with your husbands MLC. That is going to happen on its own time frame and have nothing to do with whether or not you are divorced or separated.
