Quoting Utterly:Conciously we may not be aware of all the nuances but our subconcious is obviously pleased about something. Go with he flow and enjoy.
Enjoy those 4AM chats with W. There can be no more intimate time between two people than the deepest dark of night, snuggled in the bed, sharing thought,time and space.
Utterly, have to agree with you. For me, I think because I'm consciously feeling more positive about things, my dreams are sharing that experience. Likewise, when I dwell on the crap, I have nightmares. Imagine that?!?! Also, it was cool to have that early morning talk. Those are rare moments...
Quoting RJJ:Hi J, Just following along...
Hi Robin!
Quoting Jim:Off topic, there is a group of us planning a get together later this summer here in Arizona. You interested?
Yeah. I'll come check it out. Maybe I can crash at your place???
Quoting Wiley:True, but then again, the past is the past. If we cannot let go and learn to forgive, we cannot open ourselves up to be loved either. Holding a grudge and loving unconditionally don't go hand in hand.
Hey Wiley. Thanks for coming by. I'd have to agree with you; however, like our WAW Ses go through their process of walking away and coming back, so do we need to experience our processes of reconciliation when the dust settles. It's easy for nobody...
Thanks everyone for coming by. Feelin' good today even though I'm sleep-deprived (or depraved)!
Got on the Internet last night and noticed in the browser history that W had seen the DB Web site. If she gets too curious, she's gonna find me. Ohh dear...
Well, I guess I won't sweat. Might do her some good anyway. At least I know she's looking at positive stuff, right? Mostly, it was the Dr. Phil site.
Off to make dinner. It's Thai BBQ tonight... Hope everyone is having a great weekend.
Hi, Jethro...Thanks for your words! SBH has the After the Affair book - I read some of it last night. It is SO painful to read about yourself in a BOOK!!!! [file that under "sitting on the other side of the couch" huh? ]
The really painful part of reading it, though, was not feeling "labeled" or "predicted" but feeling so sad and frustrated, because I have been in therapy for YEARS trying to work on exactly these issues. WHY did it take 2 affairs that ruined my marriage (though not permanently!) AND my career before I could get some help that is useful on this???????? I know not to blame others too much, but I really think a fair portion of the blame goes to several therapists I've had in the past 3-4 years.
RATS!
Well, I'm going to keep plugging on this. Glad to hear you PMA is climbing the scale!
You know, you might want to discuss with your W the idea of joining the board. Tell her to read my thread - a few week's experience you guys could build on to develop a relationship on here...I just know it has been very helpful for me getting some support, improving my own PMA, and I have learned a lot.
Quoting SBH-SAM:You know, you might want to discuss with your W the idea of joining the board. Tell her to read my thread - a few week's experience you guys could build on to develop a relationship on here...I just know it has been very helpful for me getting some support, improving my own PMA, and I have learned a lot.
Well, this BB is my private haven. I would have obvious concerns about sharing it with my W. It's not that I wouldn't want her to read/share insights with others, it's that I don't think she's in a place to be able to handle reading what I've written about her. Every time she senses me in pain, she gets anxious. Also, I don't really want her reading what I've written. I suppose I could ask that she not read my thread, and she'd likely comply, but I'd think the temptation would be too great. Heck, I wouldn't be able to resist reading hers. Additionally, I'd likely end up sterilizing what I write knowing she'd read it...and I don't want to do that...
Last night my W and I stayed up late and had a nice talk in bed. She at first inquired about how I was feeling and I said not that great (I was so-so), but that I didn't want to dump on her. I made a point of asking how she was doing (which I do often, but she always says she's fine...I think to not put stress on me) because I've noticed lately "it's all about me" and that's not a healthy R. Man, the floodgates opened... She spilled a lot of things she's been thinking about lately...about herself. Poor thing. She has some hurdles to overcome, but she at least knows what she needs to do to jump over them.
Yes, good point about needing your private space...I'm glad you have that here...Everyone has to work through things in their own way. I'm glad you guys are having good R time...
Just wanted to say hello. I haven't been by lately.
Glad to see that you held back and let your W talk. It sounds like she needed that from you. Good job
I need to work on shutting up and listening to my H more when he opens up. He gives me a lot of info when I hold off or when I ask questions. I'm "working on it".
I understand what you mean about the bb. I have been wondering that myself. I like having my safe place. I don't know if I will ever share it with H. Not that I am in a place to worry about that just yet.
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
So, I'm confused and really don't know what to do. Yeah, my W is back, but I'm not satisfied. Yes, she's trying, but she's not trying hard enough. I somehow have this feeling that I will NEVER get what I want from an R. I mean, let's face it, there's reality and there's non-reality. I think the things I want are realistic: 1) To be told I'm loved frequently (doesn't even have to be once/day). 2) To be rubbed affectionately (behave, LL). 3) To look forward to seeing me when I come home or act enthusiastic when spoken with.
I'm just tired of this whole damn thing. I tell my W what would make me feel good, better, whatever, and it seems she makes half-hearted attempts, if attempted at all. There's no conviction...just same 'ol same 'ol, and that's not what I'm about anymore. I'm tired of being patient. I'm tired of being understanding. I'm tired of this R that doesn't seem to want to really move anywhere.
The other night my W and I went out to dinner with family. I went inside first and she came a few minutes later. Did she sit next to me? No. I mentioned this to her in the car on the way home...that it's not that this one little event is bothersome, it's the collection of these little events that gets to me. I told her that it would be nice if she acted like she wanted to sit next to me sometimes. You know, show me she wants to be with me in those little ways. She claimed that she understood what I meant. Whatever... She went on to ask what she could do. WTF? How many times do I have to tell her what makes me tick. She knows. She's known for years. She just chooses not to do anything about it. I didn't tell her when she asked. I just said, "you know what I want."
Or, let's take it a step further. If she really wanted to be with me, then she WOULD do these things automatically because she wants to...not because she feels she has to.
As a result of this lack of attention, I feel totally unattractive and uninteresting to her. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me. Errr!!!
It's like she's come around enough to where our R was when she began going WAW on me, but she won't take it further. Maybe she's not capable?!?!. I want something better.
((((Jethro)))) I hope you are feeling better. Wish I had something smart to say. Unfortunately, you are the only one that can answer the questions you ask b/c ultimately you will have to live w/your decisions.
I am sure you have asked her why she is unwilling to give you what you need. What does she say?
Imagine that?!?! Also, it was cool to have that early morning talk. Those are rare moments...
At least I know she's looking at positive stuff, right? 
