Okay, is it possible that I've been on the bb since Dec. 30th and this is my first time visiting your thread?
I was moved to do so by the great stuff you wrote to Sad recently.
Oh, man, can I relate to what you're going through!
I, too, worry about the "old patterns" creeping in. When my H accused me of showing my "sarcasm repackaged" the other night, it really hit hard.
I, too, tended to get stressed out, irritated and angry easily and I have been feeling more agitated in the last week or so than in the 7 months previous! Curious, huh? Now that we're trying to "piece" and everything's out in the open, some of the old Shiny is leaking through.
BUT, and this is a huge BUT, I recognize this when it's happening. Even when H asks "What's wrong" I know enough to wait till I've cooled off, journalled, had a bath before bringing up the issues. Previously I would have just bottled it up for days and days and then exploded.
I, too, get that sinking feeling sometimes, that H just isn't trying hard enough, and I too share your concerns about not wanting to "settle" for a crappy R.
I think we all need to be a little more patient, but at the same time wake-up calls may be in order from time to time.
Case in point, I thought expressing my concerns about the lack of progress on the financial issues in our sitch went in one ear and out the other....but H just had to process it (he just looked sullen to me at the time) and wrote me a letter today addressing those very concerns.
Why didn't I feel more elated? Because, like you, I want to see ACTIONs, which, as the lyrics say, speak louder than words sometimes!
Eerily enough, H played that very song on his computer during out QT with wine and song on Friday night. Brought tears to my eyes.
Oh and for all you Yoga enthusiasts, I'm rather envious as a recurrent foot problem has derailed my usual work-out for a few weeks . It really is a great release!
Don't be surprised if I'm around here more, J, I've gained a lot just from reading through your thread today.
Jethro, Thanks for stopping by my thread and offering your .02. I'll post a recap there -- "just for you"! Now don't you feel loved?
I'll be back to catch up with you. I know I haven't been keeping up with your thread - only a couple on piecing that I do watch. But now you have a new friend!!
Keep the faith!!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Hey Jethro, I was pretty tired last night, and didn't get to do my recap. I'll try to do it tonight. Thanks again for stopping by my thread. I really do rely on the folks from piecing to help me stay focused on things. This is hard work and I feel like I'm banging my head on a brick wall at the moment.
Anyway, Thanks!!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
Quoting SB:I was moved to do so by the great stuff you wrote to Sad recently.
Thanks for the PMA booster!
Quoting MAL:Thanks for stopping by my thread and offering your .02.
No prob. I look forward to reading your recap.
Well gang, nothing new to really report. Seems the W heard me the other day and is being a bit more conscious of my feelings. Had a brief R talk last night. It started when I expressed my reservations about being on my next project because it will require me to spend one night each week (for about two months) away from home. Of course my reservations are about her and OM. She reassured me that she would NEVER do that again...and that it would likely cause her to have a heart attack. Whatever... Ahh...how to trust again...
This led me to ask if she still missed OM. She told me she did sometimes. Errrr! That kind of burned my ass, but should I expect anything less? I said nothing, went upstairs to change for Yoga, then bailed. I didn't want to talk about that...didn't think I'd say much that was productive. Thankfully, we did end up having a nice evening after I got back (I didn't mention our conversation at all...and didn't want to).
So, how long will it take OM to be out of her mind? I want him vanquished from her and my life...erased like he was nothing...a spectre of a memory...
Quote: So, how long will it take OM to be out of her mind? I want him vanquished from her and my life...erased like he was nothing...a spectre of a memory...
if she forgets all about him she wont be able to make a statement like this one.
Quote: Of course my reservations are about her and OM. She reassured me that she would NEVER do that again...and that it would likely cause her to have a heart attack.
Quoting lostlove:if she forgets all about him she wont be able to make a statement like this one.
Quote: Of course my reservations are about her and OM. She reassured me that she would NEVER do that again...and that it would likely cause her to have a heart attack.
Quote: This led me to ask if she still missed OM. She told me she did sometimes. Errrr
Why did you ask this? IMHO her reply was to hurt you more than help you. You may have to show her you trust her before you do. That way she can say I should behave better b/c he trusts me.
You feel your R is stuck. Maybe do something you have talked about for a long time but just have done. Or do something that is so not a J thing to do. Surprise her. Doing something off the wall may be the incentive she needs to get out of her rut.
Quoting Jethro: This led me to ask if she still missed OM. She told me she did sometimes.
I envy that your W is willing to share with you her feelings, no matter how brutually honest. It shows she wants to have nothing to hide from you!! That she is willing to tear down those walls and keep nothing between you from here on out in order to give you a chance to be as close as humanly possible.
... and LL is so right! That's the main reason I had to get away from here for a while, but circumstances last night blew that strategy out of the water... but you already know about that ...
Quoting LL:if she forgets all about him she wont be able to make a statement like this one.
Okay, I never said "forget." Let me clarify that I don't want her to forget what got us into this mess, but I also don't want her missing him. There's a difference...
Quoting LL:when will thoughts of om leave your mind???
Don't know, LL... It's actually less about OM than it is that she had an A. Does this make sense? I guess I'm getting fewer pictures in my head, but it is replaced with a general sadness about the whole mess.
Quoting Abby:Why did you ask this? IMHO her reply was to hurt you more than help you.
Abby, she actually said, "Why are you asking me that?" before she responded. I don't think she told me what she did to be hurtful. I think she just wants to be honest because for a long time she wasn't (hmmm...have to think about that). Frankly, if she had told me that she didn't I'd probably be more suspicious. I guess the response I'm looking for is, "A little, but I miss him less and less with each passing day."
Quoting KAW:I envy that your W is willing to share with you her feelings, no matter how brutually honest.
Jethro, While reading your post about asking that question to your W, the first thought that entered my mind was: What would you hope to gain by asking that? I see that you answered that question for me in your next post. But I still wonder....
By asking that question, you were setting yourself up for pain. Your W can't lie to you about it -- which is a good thing -- her being honest.
But unless it is info she volunteers, wouldn't it be better to think of what the responses could be before you ask? Then ask yourself, how will this info help me. If you see that the outcome could go either way, perhaps that is a question to save for later.
I hope I'm making sense.
I read in one of my A books that some couples put tough questions into a bowl. The betrayed S puts in the questions. Then during safe R talk, the unfaithful spouse pulls out one question. The S decides if he/she is ready to answer the question. If so, the betrayed S also decides. If they both say yes, then the S answers the question. When I read that, I thought what a wonderful idea. I even mentioned that idea to my H, and he liked the idea. Just wish I could get a chance to use it someday.
I see that DBing continues long after reconciliation and piecing. Perhaps the same concepts could be used during the R talks: Will this question get me closer to my goal?
I guess I am just rambling now. I hope my .02 helps!
Me 47 Ex H 46 Bomb 9/02 D final 3/04 Ex H now married to OW
------------ This is surviving. There is no such thing as a normal life, there's just life. So get on with it and enjoy it!
. It really is a great release!
That kind of burned my ass, but should I expect anything less? I said nothing, went upstairs to change for Yoga, then bailed. I didn't want to talk about that...didn't think I'd say much that was productive. Thankfully, we did end up having a nice evening after I got back (I didn't mention our conversation at all...and didn't want to). 
