LET THEM GO!!!!

[Sad_but_happy]

So it's been a long time since I posted. Here is the breakdown from the begining.

*W Started EA back on 8/2010.

*I find out 10/2010.

*Tell her to stop or we are done! I do beg and plead at first but only for a few weeks.

*She stops all communication end of 10/2010.

*We start the healing process.

*She is grieving at the loss of her "one true love" - (yes after only 2 months)...

*We continue to heal.

*We ML in early Jan for the first time since I find out.

*We continue being intimate.


So where are we today. Well W and I are having issues again. Not because I’m a bad H or father. In fact she claims that I am a great husband. Attentive, supportive, loving. She even claims that she has it very good. A good life, husband and kids.

So the other night, because we are having issues, I ask my W point blank, “have you seen, talked to, texted, or emailed OM since a year ago.”

She says no…

BUT…

She does think of him often and STILL questions being married and questions what she wants.

Moral of the story:
I should have let her go. I should have let her live out her fantasy to the end. My W looks at this person as perfect because she never really got to know him. And I wish I had let her go. She is delusional.

At this point there is no claiming that she has a bad marriage or an unloving husband. Her one and only reason, IF she leave is because she wants a different life.

So last night we are sipping wine in the living room having a great night and she states that it [censored] that she can’t make it on her own. That she will be broke. I lovingly told her that she can absolutely make it on her own. That she can take classes, go to school, get an education, be anything she wants. I told her that we can put her resume together and get her a job. I even told her that if there is something she wants’ to do and she doesn’t reach for that dream it’s because SHE doesn’t want it bad enough, not because she can’t. She broke down crying.

I basically told her that she can GO!!! And I will help her.

Here’s the problem. She won’t. And if she does I’m fine.

Last night I realized and now fully believe that in many cases, we truly aren’t the problem. It’s them.

I no longer care that she is suffering for her 2 month “soul mate”. I no longer care if she leaves. Not because I don’t love her but because I can’t control her.

And I am infinitely happy that I set a boundary that she will not communicate with any OM in any way while we are a family. And if I find one text, one email, one phone call, one meet up, I will lovingly and without anger push her out the door.


Live happy all. I truly am...

[realormakebeliev]

Hi SBH,

You come across as angry and bitter, not that I blame you. I obviously don't know all of the details of your sitch, but it seems to me like you haven't yet reached the root of the problem in your marriage.

Your W strikes me as a MLC. Maybe she needs fulfillment she's not currently getting (I'm not saying its about you), and this is what makes her have these thoughts. I take it she's a SAHM? Does she have friends/hobbies/activities outside of her SAHM life? I think that's a common problem with SAHMs (and I am one). Maybe getting a job, or a new hobby, etc. is what she needs- not a divorce.

I think when some people are missing 'something' in their life, the marriage is the first thing they tend to blame.

Just my .02

[Sad_but_happy]

No not angry at all, though it does come off that way... Lol

I'm full blooded Italian. Never yell, rarely get angry but very passionate.

She was a STHM. But now she works about 35 hours a week. She takes Summers off.

She has few friends.

Definately in MLC. No doubt about it.

I guess I'm at a point that it's OK if she goes. Not that I want her too but if that's what she want's than she needs to take that leap, that journey.

Maybe this is forgivness? Because weather she goes or stays, I truly want her happy.